the entire universe is a revelation of God

It is 12:34 PM Wednesday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is a hot humid sunny day, therefore our central air system is blowing cold air throughout the house. I have not been outside yet today. Yesterday evening I went out in our backyard and watered everything till the mosquitoes drove me into the house.

I got up this morning around 7:30 AM. Carol slept down here last night because Beth and Andy have been using our bedroom. Beth has to get up during the night to tend to baby Nora. Carol got up this morning around 3:40 AM. My wife goes to bed early and gets up early. I stayed in bed till 7:30 AM. Mornings are not good time for me. I usually feel somewhat OK by Noon, but not always. I find myself these days waiting for those spaces of time where I feel OK not sick with anxiety/fear/depression/negative thoughts/accusing conscience. Of course there is that constant noise in my left ear that drives me nuts at times. I seem to be constantly chasing away bad thoughts or that constant noise in my left ear. I am always on guard never at a stance of being relaxed with the day. Life is a spiritual battle/the war going on between the flesh and the spirit.

Carol left this morning for a Woman's Bible and got home around 11:15 AM. Andy and Beth took the kids except for baby Nora to a City Park.

I have spent most of the morning down here in the lower level writing in my paper diary and read from these books-

Bible/The Gospel of John Chapter 13

'John 13-21' New Testament V [Reformation Commentary On Scripture] Edited By Christopher Boyd Brown

'Hidden & Revealed: The Doctrine of God in the Reformed & Eastern Orthodox Traditions' By Dmytro Bintsarovskyi

Last night is a blur. I did take a walk around 5 o'clock PM last night. I spent the evening down here in the lower level listening to classical music and reading from these books-

'My Crazy Century: A Memoir' By Ivan Klima

'The Illustrious House Of Ramires' A Novel By Eca De Queiros

Carol came down here around 8 o'clock PM to pray and then go to bed. We prayed and then Carol went to bed around 8:45 PM. I stayed up and read till almost 11 o'clock PM. I am constantly praying for Healing not only for my mind but for my left ear. I need a miracle from God. I need God to come down and touch me with His finger touch of divine supernatural healing.

Well I suppose I will close to read the Bible, pray, write, and read my books. God is faithful.

Andy and Beth/the children want to be on the road headed back to Denver by 7 o'clock AM tomorrow morning.

Carol and I are still not sure if we will go to the Grand Opening of the Reformation Heritage Books Store this coming Saturday. I like to go but I will see how I feel. Next week I have a dentist appointment that is just a cleaning, but I hope I do not feel anxious on that day/afternoon at 1:30 PM. I have been going to same dentist for 31 years so why do I feel or should feel anxious? Also next week we have an appointment to see my Behavioral Health Specialist. Well we will keep praying for strength/bless the medicine/keep us believing in the Promises of God/He will not forsake us on the battlefield of modern life.

neighborhood walk
  • Current Mood: hopeful hopeful

I know the feeling of waiting for those times that are less anxious/panicky. I usually know when they are gonna be and that’s the time I look forward too. But all in between I never know when I’m gonna have a anxiety or panic attack, strange they just come out of nowhere 1 second you can be okay and the next you think your dying and can’t control anything. Hopefully your behavioral specialist has some good advice and is a good appointment for you. And I don’t know if it’s this way for you but usually for me my little window of feeling okay and not so anxious is about 1-2 hours after taking a Xanax so maybe time your pill the day of your dentist to that? And I hope you can go to reformation store opening that would be awesome, it I know the dread and anxiety of thinking about going to places and it’s a grand opening? So probably more people than usual, just keep that in mind it could be more hectic. But I’m praying for you and me and everyone who has these mental anxieties and depression it is a awful beast! God will heal us I pray and believe. It’s just not as soon as we want, but it isn’t about our times and that’s hard to remember for me. Be patient my friend trust God and He will fix you.