I am down here in the lower level so as to escape all the noise upstairs. We have family visiting and the kids can get very loud and chaotic. I am taking my XanaX every six hours and seem to be doing OK. I also started taking one pill a day of Paroxetine that I am praying in time causes me to feel not so anxious/panic attacks/feeling boxed in. I know I am Free in Christ Jesus. I am praying constantly for the liberty of the Holy Spirit. I am praying for the Holy Spirit to fill me with courage and not illogic fear.
I got up this morning around 7:15 AM. These days I wake up wondering how I am FEELING deep inside of me. I usually wake up feeling anxious but tell myself it is the Lord's Day. God can uphold me in the midst of these battles with anxiety/depression/I need to stay down in the lower level and pray pray pray. It would be a blessing to have a godly elder or a minister come to our home every day and pray with us. It would be a blessing to HEAR God the Father tell me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I did do a shift at the local library used books store The Book Nook from 9 AM till 1 PM. I mainly helped folks with their items they were buying (sold $130.00 of books today at the Book Nook. People are constantly coming into the Book Nook telling us they are so glad we are open again.
I read the Bible when not helping people/mainly The Gospel of Luke. I did buy two used books at the Book Nook-
'The Malcontents: The Best Bitter, Cynical, And Satirical Writing in the World' Edited, With Commentary By Joe Queenan
'Algerian Chronicles' By Albert Camus Translated By Arthur Goldhammer Edited With An Introduction By Alice Kaplan
Tomorrow Friday I once again volunteer at the Book Nook from 10 AM till 1 PM. All I have been able to read is mainly The Gospel of Luke.
I will close to cry out to the Lord for healing.
I did receive in the mail today a gift book delivered by Amazon titled 'Stressed Out: A Practical Biblical Approach To Anxiety' By Todd Friel.
I want to read but nothing speaks to my present state of soul sickness. I NEED God by His Spirit to speak a Personal word to my afflicted soul.
I read this last night in the book 'Trouble of Mind and the Disease of Melancholy' By Timothy Rogers-"These spiritual afflictions show us what a sorry, contemptible creature man is, what cause he has to be covered with shame and blushing when he is most fearless and undaunted. When God does not blow upon our garden, instead of those spices and graces coming there is nothing but weeds and thistles, nothing but thorns and briars to tear and wound us. Our soul is then like a dead carcass-full of putrefaction, with no sprightly motions toward heaven, no spiritual desires, no warm desires; it is like the cold regions of the north, which the sun visits only with its fainter and weaker beams, and not like those eastern countries, where its greater heat produces spices and fragrant flowers" pg.143 Timothy George
I will close to pray for the Lord to show His compassion of me/all those suffering anxiety and depression.