It is 10:17 AM Sunday morning here in West Michigan. It has been raining off and on for days. It is also been very humid. Carol and I have been seeking to take walks a couple times a day so as to deal with my stress/anxiousness/fears. We have determined that this week we are going to seek professional help for depression and anxiety. I have to come to the realization the last six weeks that I can't cope any longer. I need help or some plan of action to deal with my fears/anxiety/depression.
I did not write here yesterday due to being too sick with fear/depression/anxiety. Right now I am writing these words feeling very sick with stress/anxiety. I suppose what triggered this episode is our family visiting us the next couple of weeks. I find the task of communication/being present among all these people 14 altogether overwhelming. I can deal with Carol and little Josie off and on throughout the week, but that is about it. I can go to the Book Nook because I know what to expect and very little is demanded of me there.
I was able this morning to find some strength/will power to go down the street to say Hi to our son Josiah and his little girl Marika. They got in from Washington State last night around 9:30 PM. Josiah had to drive in rain storms from Chicago to Holland/scary weather driving but he and Marika made it/they are staying at Caleb and Emily's.
Andy, Beth, Lou, Marn, Jack and little Nora left Denver this morning/driving here to Holland MI. They are expected to be here tomorrow evening and will be staying with us.
I will close to pray. Carol and I have been praying constantly for the Lord to grant me grace/strength to keep going.
I know how this feels Jonny, and I hope you and your doctor can find a plan that works for you, for me I deal with the same thing anything new or even thinking about something that’s days or weeks away gives me dread, also I have health anxiety so any little twitch or feeling in my body and I think it’s catastrophic and I’m going to die, been to the ER probably 15 times had all the tests done on my heart/blood/brain ct scan! They just say it’s anxiety which is hard for my brain to accept or believe.
I’m on Xanax daily and supposed to be on a anti-depression medication but I fear all the side effects that could happen, hoping I can muster up a little courage and take them maybe they will help. I will pray for you my friend! This anxiety/panic/depression is no joke, we need to let go and let Jesus take over. That is much harder to say than do.
What dosage of Xanax do you take a day. I take .25 Mg at least twice a day. Do you think I should a stronger .5 Mg? What is your dose? Do you take anything for sleeping. I seem to be sleeping OK and eating OK. Do you see anyone like a Therapist? Talk to someone about your anxiety? Do you think your anxiety is cause by something from the Past? Childhood trauma? Can you think of any cause for your panic attacks/dread/depression? How do you cope when you feel horrible besides taking Xanax? I find myself wanting to run out the door. My wife and I have been walking a couple times a day and praying constantly for the Lord to grant grace/strength.
I do plan to seek medical help this week. I am also not sure about taking ant-depression meds. I think I need to find a plan to cope from this depression/anxiety because it is becoming absolutely scary. I get these ideas in my head like I am forsaken of God, which I know is not true. I have been a Christian for 50 years and have never felt forsaken-I have felt super depressed but never felt forsaken of God. I want to be a Christian. I want to live for the Lord. It is all beyond me. I suppose there is no quick cure. We are praying praying praying.
Much easier to say ‘let go and let Jesus take over’ I meant to say
How do you let the Lord Jesus take over? What I mean is when I feel trapped how do you let go when it seems there is no way out. I find myself sitting alone crying out to the Lord/please Lord do not let me go/take control of my Life Mind Heart total Life force/fill me afresh with God the Holy Spirit/save me if I an lost/take away my unbelief if I am unbelieving/give me True Faith True Repentance Have mercy on me a poor sinner/totally lost and in Need of the powerful saving work of the Lord Jesus Christ/seal with the Holy Spirit/set me free from the darkness and fill me with holy divine Light of your Glorious Saving Presence/I want to SEE Jesus Christ in Saving Power displayed in my salvation. I want to taste the forgiving love of God/be filled with the peace of God/feel deep inside the mighty operations of grace/work of God the Holy Spirit/lift me up out of pit and place me on the Rock Jesus Christ. Praying groaning crying pleading with the Lord to have pity on me. Amen