Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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the radical otherness of God

It is 11:48 AM late Tuesday morning. I just remembered our granddaughter Josie Joy comes to our house after she gets out of school at 2:30 PM. Our oldest son drops Josie off on the way back to his place. Caleb works from home and Josie gets bored by herself. So Caleb drops off Josie so her Noni can entertain her till Emily her mother comes home around 4:30 PM from work.

I got up this morning around 6:30 AM. I took drugs last night to enable me to sleep, so all morning I have felt like crap. It takes all morning and into the afternoon for this nerve drug to wear off. Plus this morning I ate eggs for breakfast and afterwards I felt like gagging. I am not into food. I am not a food junkie. I am into feeling empty so as to be filled with the Holy Ghost.

Carol left this morning to do errands. When Carol got home she changed her clothes and went to have lunch with her sister-in-law widow and her sisters for lunch. Carol's older brother died a couple of years ago from cancer.

I have spent the morning feeling sick, reading from a book titled, 'Contemplating God with the Great Tradition: Recovering Trinitarian Classical Theism' by Craig A. Carter. I also have been writing a ton of shit in my paper diary. The shit just flows out of me lately. I am wasted on Girl Scout Cookies and Lemon Pound Cake. I am overfed. I need to fast and pray instead of seeking stimulation of my intellect/creative juices.

Yesterday I received in the mail a book I had ordered titled, 'A User's Guide to Melancholy' by Mary Ann Lund. This book is a user's guide to the classic book, 'The Anatomy Of Melancholy' by Richard Burton. I looked at these books last night. So much to read as I float in smoke.

I also read last night before crashing, 'Backward Ran Sentences: The Best of Wolcott Gibbs from the New Yorker' Edited And Introduction By Thomas Vinciguerra.

Well it is now in the death flow 12:02 PM I will close to feel sick to the center of my Self.


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