loved and confused

It is 11:03 PM late Monday night. I hate going to bed when I have the whole house to myself. I want to stay up and enjoy my own little private world. But I am really wasted and should just go to bed. Tomorrow I can sit all day in this cool house and just seek God without distractions. How can parents maintain a spiritual life when their kids are out of control day and night? How can a parent pray when their kids are screaming twenty-four hours every day? It is all beyond me.

This evening I made a video for my Booktube channel and brought up my stuff from the lower level. Carol and I were living down in the lower level when Beth and Andy were here with their three children. Andy and Beth and their kids come back this coming Thursday and we will have to move back down into the lower level again. I thought of just staying down in the lower level till Beth and her family leave next week for their home. But our bed up here is more comfortable than the bed down in the lower level. I hate being out of my routine. I am a creature of habit, it is how I cope in this world.

Carol's car was fixed in time for her to drive it to work this evening. Carol left for work in a horrible mood. She was so mad she could not talk. I think she is blown out. She needs a vacation where she does not have to do anything. Carol needs to not be giving all time, but receive some love in return.

I suppose I will go to bed and try to fall asleep. Lately I have been having intense spiritual dreams.

wild flower
  • Current Mood: exhausted exhausted
  • Current Music: Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paraiso U.F.O. 'Electric Heavyland'