It is 4:33 AM early Tuesday morning. I got up with Carol around 3 o'clock AM to see her off. She flies out of Grand Rapids for the Northwest this morning. Tomorrow morning our son Josiah and his wife Hannah will witness the birth of their first child. Carol will be there with them to celebrate the birth.

I do not know if I can go to bed in my present state. I am beyond tired. I did not take any sleep aids when I went to bed last night, because I wanted to be awake when Carol got up to get ready to leave. So here I sit once again writing words to no one. Hardly anyone any more is in LiveJournal and I doubt if anyone reads my online diaries. It is OK since I am insane.

So it is a new day. I have no plans for the day but wait for Carol to call me and tell me she landed safely in Seattle Washington this afternoon. I am always waiting for one of us to get killed off. I am such a positive individual! I amazed myself on how joyful I am as a Christian in a world going up in flames.

Yesterday I started reading a book titled, 'Between The Woods And The Water On Foot to Constantinople: The Middle Danube to the Iron Gate' travel memoir by Patrick Leigh Fermor.

Yesterday I read, wandered the house, watched the birds, and messed with our main computer till Carol got up. It amazes how quickly our lives are going by! We are here only for a moment and then eternity either in Heaven or Hell. Eternity apart from God scares me. I fear God. I fear going to hell forever and ever/endless torment. There is no rest for the wicked. I see more and more how sinful I am and can only pray to the Lord to forgive me of my sins.

Well I suppose I will close to wait for the final verdict. There is no where to go to escape the presence of a holy God.

"[31] It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
[32] But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions;
[33] Partly, whilst ye were made a gazingstock both by reproaches and afflictions; and partly, whilst ye became companions of them that were so used.
[34] For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance.
[35] Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.
[36] For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.
[37] For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.
[38] Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him.
[39] But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul." Hebrews 10:31-39