Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

  • Mood:

enter fully into the mystical state

It is 12:13 PM Sunday afternoon. I am blown away I have made it this far!

Outside this afternoon the sun is shining. It would be a nice day for a autumn color tour.

I am presently feeling tired and over fed.

I have been reading today from these two books-

'The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross'

'The Mystical Evolution in the Development and Vitality of the Church' Two Volumes by Fr. John G. Arintero, O.P.

I have been up since 6:05 AM. I had a religious dream last night. Do not remember anything about this spiritual dream.

I suppose I have nothing worth writing this afternoon. Existence keeps disappearing.

Last night I made a video for my BookTube channel and watched some college football. I went to bed early and woke up at Midnight thinking I heard someone breaking into our house to do me in. I am always hearing noises during the middle of the night. My wife says I hear noises when I am sleeping because I am always feeling anxious. I suppose I am full of anxiety because I am afraid of death. I am not ready for someone or some event to kill me. I am not excited about dying or being killed. I think about 58 people who were murdered in Las Vegas Nevada. Were these people ready to meet their Maker and Judge?

I watched some of the video I made last night and I felt sick inside. All my videos come off like a diary entry and not a discussion of what I have been reading. How to get free of myself or my Past? I often wonder if I am going around and around in circles. My wife never talks about her Past. My wife never talks about her inner life. Carol is not afraid of death. When my wife goes to bed at night she sleeps deeply. Something must be wrong with me! Or maybe my wife and I have different personalities. I think my wife has a better chance than me on going to heaven after she dies. As for me going to heaven I have my doubts. I need a solid assurance of salvation that when I hit the dust I will undergo the resurrection of the righteous. Well, I will close to drift.

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