Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

  • Mood:

the exhaustion of the journey

It is in the death flow 11 o'clock AM Friday morning. It is a sunny day and it is 64 degrees outside. I just woke myself up from a doze in our living room. In my old age I find myself sitting in the living room falling asleep often. I am like one of those old people you see in Nursing Homes sleeping in a stuffed chair in the visitor's lounge.

I got up this morning around 6:33 AM. Before I got out of bed I was having a religious dream centered on the faithfulness of God. Sometimes I wonder if I am going to heaven since I am such a unproductive Christian. What is my life when it comes to expressing a vibrant Christian spirituality? I am just an old man who sits in the house dozing time away. Should I not be out in the world doing good deeds? How is my life bringing in the kingdom of heaven?

So I got up this morning made a pot of coffee and then messed with our main computer. While I was messing with our main computer Carol got up so I made for a us a pot of oatmeal for breakfast. As I ate my oatmeal Carol talked to me as she was looking through the morning newspaper.

This morning when not fighting to stay awake I read from these two books, 'The Decameron' by Boccaccio and 'The Book of Disquiet' by Fernando Pessoa. Now I am writing in my online diaries. Existence keeps decaying. I have no plans for the day ahead of me. Carol goes back to work tonight after being off for a couple of days.

Last night I started reading 'About Schmidt' a novel by Louis Begley and watched some professional football. I mainly read yesterday, 'The Decameron' and 'Isaiah Berlin: A Life' by Michael Ignatieff.

I suppose I will close to wait it out. There is nothing.

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