Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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ride the death flow

It is now in the death heat wave flow 6:10 PM Saturday night. I shut up the tomb and turned on the central air system. It is predicted to be hot for the next three days so I might as well stay cool inside my cell.

I was just outside watering plants. I also took out the garbage. I like my cell free of trash. A tidy cell is evidence of a work of grace. I laid down for an hour this afternoon. I suppose it is not a bad thing to face darkness somewhat awake.

I have not read anything this afternoon. Right now I feel sick inside. I miss my wife and do not like being left alone for such a long period of time. I still have five days being left alone in my cell. My wife keeps me company as I ride the death flow.

I thought about making a BookTube video, but why? It seems most of what I do each day is done out of sheer habit. At the book nook today I was talking to a lady volunteer and she told me her husband had retired and was bored to death. It seems this woman's husband has no hobbies and does not like to do anything. The fellow has heart problems so he can't do gardening or go for long walks. The fellow is miserable. I told this lady volunteer I never get bored. I have always enjoyed doing nothing. The reason why I have enjoyed doing nothing is because it is the only real activity! Why spend ones whole life doing only what will in the end land one in Hell or eternity of meaninglessness? I see all around me people doing things that have no real meaning. All these people are doing is preparing themselves for eternal damnation, which I find to be extremely tragic.

Well, I suppose I will close to brush my teeth and take my daily hot shower. The Lord is in control.

"All the beauty of creatures compared with the infinite beauty of God is supreme ugliness" St. John of the Cross

"Beyond this obvious effect on contemplation, one can perceive a more subtle manner in which pragmatism works against contemplation. When self-worth depends upon achievement then very few persons are going to spend much time in prayer or contemplation since these are by definition time in prayer or contemplation since these are by definition nonutilitarian, pragmatically useless, a waste of time, a time when nothing is accomplished" pg. 41 Ronald Rolheiser "The Shattered Lantern: Rediscovering A Felt Presence Of God"

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