Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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old diary entry

I am a nonconformist

I need to be in order the Time Line I pasted into my journal last night. I have a couple new readers and wanted them to know more about me so I dug up this entry of February 14, 2008 for them to read. But since I find myself always looking over my Past hoping to find the place in time it all went wrong. So here it goes (the time is 9:01 AM Tuesday morning)---

I was born in Oakland, Calif. August 14, 1952 never knew my father my mother was either 17 years old or 18 years old when I came screaming into the world

1968 my mother killed in a car wreck December 21, 1968 Evening

When I lived in California I would rather buy a book than buy food. I have never been into food. (Dec. 1968 till 1978 lived in Richmond, Calif. for 10 years before moving to Grand Rapids, Mich. to attend Reformed Bible College)

1970 graduated from John F. Kennedy High Richmond Calif. (the Lord saved me or began the process of saving me the Summer of 1970)
1971 attended Contra Costa Jr. College San Pablo Calif.
1972 attended Mackinac Island Liberal Arts College Mackinac Island Mich.
1973 I think around this Time I was living in different Christian communes in Northern Calif. Around this Time I met Tykie and fell in love for the first time. I think it was towards the end of 1973 I joined the staff of the Richmond Rescue Mission and became a Calvinist (?)
1976 I think it was around this Time I left the Richmond Rescue Mission and was having a love affair with Sandy
1978 I left Richmond Calif. to attend college [have diaries from 1978 till October 15, 2010 in my cell]

I think I left Richmond Calif. to attend Reformed Bible College in the summer of 1978? I believe Carol and I got married the Spring of 1979. I wish I could remember Time.

Earlier I was mentioning books that have had impact on me over the years. I mentioned the writings of the american spiritual master Jonathan Edwards. I remember many years ago being homeless and getting a job caring for a retired fellow who had lost his wife and decided to drink himself to death. My job was to move in with this drunk and clean his house and cook his meals. What happened was that the fellow would get drunk and talk to me all the time. The fellow did not want me to clean or cook just listen to him talk. But the fellow did not want me to talk about to him meaning disagree with him. I was a young Christian and felt it was my responsibility to tell him it was sinful for him to live a life of a drunk. I told the fellow he needed to repent of sins and give his life to the Lord. Well the old drunk got tired of me telling him what the Bible said so one day he threw me out. But before he threw me out he gave me money for my services-I used that money to buy a two volume set of "The Works of Jonathan Edwards" which I had till I sold them to a student at Reformed Bible College and bought myself a new two volume set that was not dirty or had old drippings of candle wax on the covers-that was back in the 1980's when I was newly married to Carol. (Reformed Bible College from Dec. 1978 till May 1981 graduated and Reformed Theological Seminary Jan. 1983 and graduated in May of 1986. We were in Houston Texas from Nov. 1986 to July 1991-so we have lived Here from July 1991 till February 2008 Now.)

Also in my last entry I mentioned a book by the old Puritan divine William Bates. Years ago when I lived in California and worked at Richmond Rescue Mission on my days off I would take a bus to Berkeley and visited seminary libraries. In these seminaries I found the writings of the old 17th cent. English Puritans like John Flavel, Richard Baxter, Thomas Goodwin and William Bates. One of these seminaries let me loan out the books and I would carry with me back to the Rescue Mission arm loads of old 17th cent. Puritan works. One such book was William Bates treatise "The Harmony Of The Divine Attributes"-many years ago someone published that treatise by William Bates in a book which I have always treasured. And then back in 1990 the same published called Sprinkle Publications published "The Whole Works Of The Rev. W. Bates, D. D. " four volumes-in the first volume of this set is the treatise "The Harmony Of The Divine Attributes In The Contrivance And Accomplishment Of Man's Redemption By The Lord Jesus Christ." I have read these four volumes in the past and recommend them for all serious lovers of God. (I think I was living and working at the Richmond Rescue Mission in Richmond Calif. back in the early 70's maybe 1973 till 1976?)

1979 Carol and I got married Spring of 1979 we met at Reformed Bible College-before we got married I was on staff at the Mel Trotter Mission Grand Rapids Mich.
1981 graduated from Reformed Bible College in May 1981
(Caleb Jon born January 1981 in Grand Rapids Mich. Graduated from Holland High 1999 and is now working on his Ph. D. at Boston College. Before going to Boston College for five years Caleb attended Michigan State in East Lansing, Mich.)
(Josiah Benjamin born August 3, 1982 in Grand Rapids Mich. Graduated from Holland High 2001. After graduating from High School he attended Calvin College in Grand Rapids and graduated in 2005. )
1983 in Jan. 1983 we moved to Jackson Miss. to attend Reformed Theological Seminary located in Jackson Miss.
1984 [in 1984 I started a separate note book titled "The Memoir of A Puritan Bum" where I wrote down all my memories up to the birth of our first child Caleb Jon. The last page of this notebook memoir is dated 8/31/87. I urge everyone to write down all their memories before they forget who they are and where they came from.]
(Bethany Taylor born June 27, 1984 in Jackson Miss. Graduated from Holland High School 2003 and attended Calvin College in Grand Rapids and graduated in 2007.)
1985 [during the year I started writing a novel titled "Gradual Awakening" which I finished writing in rough draft 1/24/91]
1986 graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary Jackson Miss.-we moved to Houston Texas Fall of 1986
(My minister internship at Covenant PCA Houston, Texas with Dr. Joey Pipa Jr. 1986-1988. Joey left for Calif. and I looked for a call and never received one. I remembered the Lord using these two books to keep me from cracking up. The books were these two "Waking From The American Dream: Growing Through Your Disappointments" by Donald W. McCullough and "God's Waiting Room: Hope In The Midst Of Uncertainty" by Rick Yohn. )
1991 we left Texas and moved here to Holland July 1991-we have lived in this house from July 1991 till June 29, 2012
(I attended over the last 38 years of being a professing Christians several churches. The last church I was a member of was Messiah Independent Reformed Church from Sept. 1992 when we left early 2003 (Carol joined Covenant PCA in 2004). I taught Adult Sunday School at Messiah from 1992 to I think 2002 (?).)
(I worked at the egg pit from 1993 to June 21, 2007)
2001 [starting writing in LiveJournal 2001-03-10 17:16:41]

It is now 9:34 AM Tuesday morning in the flow of my life. Carol has gone to bed for the day. I am not sure what I will do today to make it all worth while? It is all a mystery to me our life?

Yesterday morning when Carol came back to bed she talked about the empty nest syndrome. Our kids are gone and we have an empty nest (but I wonder if our kids will not come back to the nest when our economy crashes?). Carol mentioned me being out of work going on 10 months. She wanted to know if I like doing nothing? I told her I really enjoy doing nothing. All I ever wanted to Be was a gospel minister. When I was in High School up to the Time the Lord started saving me I lived for nothing but the moment. I never wanted to be anything when I was in High School. I had my young man dreams for sure but nothing solid. I was a dreamer when I was a young man. When the Lord saved me I finally knew what I wanted to do, which is tell people about the Lord Jesus. I wanted to be a soul winner.

When all those dreams of serving the Bride of Christ came to end 1988 there was nothing but seeking to pick of the pieces of my american nightmare. I always thought I could support Carol and the kids being a soul doctor. Now there I was at 40 years old with no idea what to do the rest of my earthly existence?

We moved to Holland to settle down and raise our kids. For two years I stayed home, but finally I was pressured to get a job. I got a part-time job at the Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Division. I worked part-time for two years and then worked full time for 13 years. Our kids grew up and became wonderful adults. Our kids went to college (our oldest is working on his Ph. D. at Boston College). Life went by quickly. The only reason I never got fired at the egg pit is because my boss was a fine Christian man. When my boss was fired due to a radical changes at the egg pit I knew my days were numbered. Finally the beast fired me June 21, 2007. I never was happy working for the beast, but the Lord gave me grace to keep going in spite of being constantly depressed and dead exhausted-it was constant battle working at the bottom of the egg pit. I lived to make money to buy stuff and help with household expensives.

With the new management at the egg pit demanding we work 50 to 60 hours a week I kept complaining telling them my life was more than work. I had my life of the mind and working such long hours etc was soul destroying. Finally the Beast got sick of me demanding time for a spiritual life threw me out of the egg pit.

So now these days I wait. I rather be here in the hermit hut then out there in the dead American world serving the Beast with my blood and sweat. I never wanted to be anything but a Teaching Elder. Now I am 55 years old and I am tired and no longer have the hopes of a young soul winner. I have been around the block too many times.

Well that is a summary of Time for now. I need to rest my mind.

music: Eric Bachmann "To The Races"

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