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crookedfingers
thou hast broken the teeth of the wicked 
4th-Nov-2015 12:48 pm
It is in the flow of my solitary life 12:17 PM Wednesday. It is another warm sunny day here in West Michigan. We are having a short Indian Summer it seems lately. Too bad I am not in the mood to go outside presently.

I got up way too early this morning due to having an intense weird dream. I got up around 5:30 AM which is too early for this old goat. I had this dream where I was in High School and I was ashamed I could not do complex math. I did not know math and had failed. I was embarrassed because everyone around me found the math test easy, but it was a complete blank to me. I have had over the years several times when I was faced with my ignorance of basic things like English grammar, Science, Math, etc. . . I am uneducated. I am not smart at all. I am an average Joe. I think that is one of several reasons why no visible church ever called me to be a minister of the glorious gospel of God/Christ Jesus. Because I was ugly when it came to smarts. Churches in our theological circles want highly educated ministers/pretty boys who look smart in a suit and have a professional voice and mannerisms. I am just an old farm hand with too much crap inside my head. So in this dream I had to wake up because I was feeling like shit.

I got up and warmed up coffee made last night for Carol. Carol always likes a fresh pot of coffee when she gets up to get ready for work. I messed with our main computer drinking day old coffee. After messing with our main computer (we have two lap top computers in the lower level of our home) I decided to make myself a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. I made oatmeal and after breakfast I wrote in my paper diary. I read this morning for devotions from these books-

"Paul, Apostle of Liberty: The Origin and Nature of Paul's Christianity" by Richard N. Longenecker

"The Lord Of History: Reflections on the Inner Meaning of History" by Jean Danielou, S.J. (translated by Nigel Abercrombie)

"Psalms 1-17" Old Testament VII [Reformation Commentary On Scripture] Edited By Herman J. Selderhuis

My wife got home late from work and went to bed around 10:30 AM. She is off the next two nights from work.

I left this morning to visit near by thrift stores to look for used books to add to our library. I found these used books today-

"The Road Home" A Novel by Jim Harrison

"Signal & Noise" A Novel by John Griesemer

"The Good Lord Bird" A Novel by James McBride

"Everyman" A Novel by Philip Roth

"The Great Leader" A Novel by Jim Harrison

"The Eagle And The Rising Sun: Pearl Harbor through Guadalcanal" by Alan Schom (We have in our library a biography written by Alan Schom titled, "Napoleon Bonaparte: A Life".)

"The Defining Moment: FDR's Hundred Days And The Triumph Of Hope" by Jonathan Alter

"In the Shadow of the Banyan" a novel by Vaddey Ratner

I came home after visiting thrift stores to have lunch and drift through the rest of the day. Last night I watched TV shows I had taped and read from these books-

"The Art Of Time In Memoir: Then, Again" essays by Sven Birkerts

"Other Colors: Essays And A Story" by Orhan Pamuk

"Penelope Fitzgerald: A Life" by Hermione Lee

I started reading today "Strega" a crime novel by Andrew Vachss

Well I suppose I will close to drift.
Comments 
5th-Nov-2015 12:13 am (UTC)
I have dreams similar to that -- at least in a thematic sense -- all the time. There is condemnation from my heart, sometimes explicit, sometimes subconscious, that I am not adequate or that I have not done enough as a father, husband, follower of Jesus, etc. I have an inner Pharisee trying to act out.

I appreciate that the master said to the good and faithful servant, "Well done."

Not: "Much done."

1 John 3:20
5th-Nov-2015 12:28 pm (UTC) - well done
the other day I told my wife I wish I had been born smart/highly intelligent. I never learned anything to enable me to make a living in this world. Now it does not matter since I am 63 years old and retired/dropped out of the world.

We are saved by the blood of Jesus/sovereign free grace.

thanks for the comments-the Lord is faithful.
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