So I make videos that I find make me feel uncomfortable because they are so unprofessional. But I am seeking to be REAL in my videos. A Beat Happening. A burst of me seeking to reveal my unguarded self to a watching world. Thus far I do not think any one has watched my awful videos. I find it strange watching these videos because I come off uncomfortable/I also notice how old I am and that I am really going bald. It is weird losing ones hair. At the same time I tell myself old men go bald, so suck it up. I do not like growing old, but at the same time I do not want to be young again. To me my whole life has been a disappointment/a failure. But at the same time I am thankful for many things like my wife, our children/grandchildren. I am thankful for our middle class American life style. I am thankful I still have time to repent and believe the Gospel of Christ. I am thankful I can sit here and waste time talking about my existence. The Lord is good.
Maybe as I make more videos I will get better at it. At the same time I want to get more and more real in these upcoming videos. I want to get to the inner core of reality/book collecting in a dead American world. Well I wanted to share these thoughts before the sun disappears/the end of my solitary existence.