Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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Book Collecting Video

I recently started making videos about book collecting. I do not know if I am capable of giving reviews of the books I read. I basically want to share in my videos the used books I collect each week. I really do not know when I will stop collecting used books. I am running out of room right now for used books down in the lower level. I up to 7000 books down in the lower level. I have only been collecting used books for about five years. Before I started buying used books in thrift stores I did buy books, but mostly new Christian books Not used secular books. For many years I did not read much secular literature because I did not have the time or the presence of mind. I still feel somewhat uncomfortable reading secular literature since I think I should be thinking about spiritual realities while I am alive and not dead. We have so little time on this earth to prepare for the life to come and I sometimes think I am wasting time reading books that do not enable me to fix my thoughts on eternal realities. The inner war between the spirit and the flesh/physical and spiritual. To be honest I always feel guilt/failing to achieve spiritual perfection/up and down/around and around. While I spin my wheels I am heading for Eternity/meeting God the Judge on the Day of Judgment. What have done to reveal I have saving faith and not presumption?

So I make videos that I find make me feel uncomfortable because they are so unprofessional. But I am seeking to be REAL in my videos. A Beat Happening. A burst of me seeking to reveal my unguarded self to a watching world. Thus far I do not think any one has watched my awful videos. I find it strange watching these videos because I come off uncomfortable/I also notice how old I am and that I am really going bald. It is weird losing ones hair. At the same time I tell myself old men go bald, so suck it up. I do not like growing old, but at the same time I do not want to be young again. To me my whole life has been a disappointment/a failure. But at the same time I am thankful for many things like my wife, our children/grandchildren. I am thankful for our middle class American life style. I am thankful I still have time to repent and believe the Gospel of Christ. I am thankful I can sit here and waste time talking about my existence. The Lord is good.

Maybe as I make more videos I will get better at it. At the same time I want to get more and more real in these upcoming videos. I want to get to the inner core of reality/book collecting in a dead American world. Well I wanted to share these thoughts before the sun disappears/the end of my solitary existence.


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