I am extremely uncomfortable about my wife leaving this Tuesday morning for Phoenix, Arizona. She is leaving to be with our daughter who is going to have their second baby this week. I might feel better when I know Carol is gone and I will have to deal with it. Right now I am in a waiting pattern and want it over so I can adjust to being alone for 17 whole days.
This morning we got up around 7 o'clock AM. Once again I slept poorly due to weird dreams and never getting comfortable.
music Jefre Cantu-Ledesma 'Love Is A Stream'
I made oatmeal for breakfast and a pot of fresh coffee. After breakfast I basically wandered the house. I did take a hot shower in hopes I would feel reborn/washed anew by the Holy Spirit the sanctifying activity of the Spirit. I fed the birds and did a load of wash. Sometimes a clean body and clean clothes makes me feel better inside. Now if all of reality was clean like the holiness of God then maybe I would feel like a glorified man/resurrected from the dead.
Last night I did nothing but sit in the dark till we went to bed around 9:30 PM. I have next to me this morning to read when I am able, "Anti-Oedipus Capitalism and Schizophrenia" by Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari. I ordered today volume two of "Anti-Oedipus" titled, "A Thousand Plateaus" by Gilles Deleuze.
I also ordered these books-
"Memoirs of My Nervous Illness" by Daniel Paul Schreber
"Larceny in Blood: A Memoir of Heroin, Handcuffs, and Higher Education" by Matthew Parker
"Penelope Fitzgerald: A Life" by Hermione Lee
Well, I do not know what else to write in my wasted state so I will close. I might go get myself a hair cut this morning. I will get my hair cut and my big bushy beard trimmed so as to enter into a state of mourning.
" All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds.
 There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another.
 There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.
 So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:
 It is sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is raised in power:
 It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.
 And so it is written, The first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening spirit.
 Howbeit that was not first which is spiritual, but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual.
 The first man is of the earth, earthy: the second man is the Lord from heaven.
 As is the earthy, such are they also that are earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are heavenly.
 And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly.
 Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.
 Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality." First Corinthians 15:39-53