It is 6:52 AM Sunday morning in the flow of existence. I got up around 6:33 AM. Outside I can see rosy clouds where the sun comes up. I woke up this morning due to having an intense religious dream. I had one of those dreams where I explain the Gospel of Christ to someone. I know I never will preach or teach the Bible again. I can remember the last time I shared with someone the Good News. Right now due to my dead state inside/brain dead I can not get into my religious books. There also no new religious books for me to buy that might turn me on. I have a ton of religious books I have bought in the last year and they are gathering dust. The problem is that what I need to know as a Christian I know. I do not need any more intellectual knowledge. I need to just sit in silence before the Lord/contemplative silence.
I have no plans for the day ahead of me. Yesterday I basically read when not feeling like crap inside. I did not go anywhere yesterday after volunteering at the Herrick District Public Library used books store from 10 AM till 1 PM. At the book nook I read when not helping people with their used items, "A Diary Of The Century" by Edward Robb Ellis. I brought home from the book nook one used book to add to our library, "House" a novel by Marilynne Robinson. We have three other books by Marilynne Robinson in our library.
Yesterday I ordered from Amazon a used edition of a book titled, "Edith Sitwell" biography by Victoria Glendinning.
When I got home from the book nook yesterday I found Carol cooking food for lunch. I ate lunch and then wrote in my paper diary.
Carol slept during the afternoon hours. I spent yesterday basically out of it. I sat around the house feeling brain dead/could not get into anything so I sat. I did read yesterday from these books when I was able to read, "The Gray Notebook" by Josep Pla and "Quicksands: A Memoir" by Sybille Bedford.
I went to bed early last night with my wife. After music I read "Quicksands" till I get sleepy. Now it is another day. Carol is still getting over a bad cold. Thus far I am not super sick, but I might have a slight cold bug. I might be fighting off a cold and that is why I feel the way I do right now.
Well I will close to go through another day. Wait it out. No way out. Existence keeps decaying.
I do find my mind going back to my Past these days. When I get close to a major life event I find my mind looking over the years of my short life. Next month Carol and I celebrate our 36th wedding anniversary and I find my mind going back to my years before I met Carol. I have spent most of my conscious life with Carol. My conscious life before I was married was short. For many years I lived in a false reality.