Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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the invisible saturation of all airspace with electronic signals

It is the flow Eastern Time Zone 7:57 PM Tuesday night. I am once again alone this evening with my Self. My wife works the next two nights. I am not in the mood these days to watch television. I rather sit in silence than hear a steady stream of babble on TV. I should not be writing since my left arm these days is in extreme pain. Also my hands hurt. I should get off the internet totally and do nothing but pray.

It is hard typing with one hand/my right hand.

I had a super quiet day. I mainly sat in silence or read my books. I did not go anywhere. I did walk around our home to see what is growing. We are started seeing green plant growth on our trees and flora.

I got in the mail this afternoon a used book I had ordered titled, "Gone: The Last Days Of The New Yorker" memoir by Renata Adler. I have been reading a book by Renata Adler titled, "After The Tall Timber: Collected Nonfiction."

Today I have been mainly reading, "Readings" essays by Sven Birkerts.

I am listening to music this evening as I write these words.

The Body 'Christs Redeemers'
Russian Circles 'Memorial'
Russians Circles 'Empros'
Boris 'Noise'
Indians 'From All Purity'

I am suppose to get in the mail this month new Mac McCaughan CD 'Non-Believers' and the new Built to Spill CD. Next month my oldest son Caleb Jon and I are going to see in concert Built to Spill downtown Grand Rapids May 31, 2015.

Mac McCaughan fronts the band Superchunk and also owns Merge Records.

There is nothing pressing on my mind. It has been a quiet day. Carol slept most of the afternoon. She is getting over a bad cold. Tomorrow we will be in the middle of the month. Also in May our daughter Bethany will be visiting us with her husband Andy and little Louisa Mae who is now 1 years old. Last night we skyped Beth and Lou. Lou is now walking and talking a little. Beth is pregnant and is doing fine/she is due the first week of September 2015.

I thought about writing about nostalgia. I find myself these days thinking about our Past/my Past because next month Carol and I celebrate our 36th wedding anniversary. I find my mind going back to the Time when I was single and living in Richmond California. I met Carol when I was a student at Reformed Bible College, Grand Rapids Michigan.

To be honest when I remember my Past it is not worth remembering. I do though remember with fondness the women that loved me and took care of me/when I lived in California. I am thankful for all the Christian people I knew in my Past. But I am not one to look back to my youth with any desire to relive it. My years with Carol and my family have been the best years of my life. I am one to live in the Eternal Now. I am always seeking to live in Christ Jesus now and not in the past.

I did not have a childhood that is worth remembering. My childhood was a mess. I did not have a childhood worth reliving or thinking about.

One thing that strikes me in looking at my Past when I was a young man was how naive I was. I had no understanding of real American life. I lived in a dream world for many years. I do not think I became aware of American reality till I was 40 years old. When I was a young man I lived in a world of dreams/nonreality. People must have considered me weird or at least a little crazy/a mad romantic dreamers. When I was young I was a loner like I am now. But I always had women/lovers in my life. I had girlfriends but no male friends. When I was single and young I stayed to myself but was only sociable with my women friends. I lived off in my head/books/writing in my diary/drugs/dreams.

I suppose right now I am living off in my head/reading books/writing in my diary/drifting towards Heaven/the Final Resurrection. "But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you" Romans 8:11.

When I look over my life thus far I remember the old gospel hymn "Amazing Grace!" by John Newton

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.

"He answered and said, Whether he be a sinner or no, I know not: one thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see." John 9:25

So the night goes by. I will close to listen to music and praise the Lord for His amazing grace.

"[1] And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins;
[2] Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
[3] Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
[4] But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
[5] Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
[6] And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
[7] That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.
[8] For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
[9] Not of works, lest any man should boast." Ephesians 2:1-9

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