Carol has not called this morning. She told me last night over the phone they were suppose to be at the hospital early and she would call me there.
I have had a rough morning. I tossed and turned all night. I got out of bed around 7 o'clock AM this morning. I let Rudy out of his crate and made a pot of coffee. Next I messed with our main computer and then I wrote in my paper diary.
I have been wandering the house in a state of exhaustion. I came down here to lay down in the dark wondering how I am going to get Carol tomorrow when the weather is going to be terrible. Carol is going to have to take a cab home tomorrow when she lands in Grand Rapids Airport. I told Carol I could drive to Grand Rapids today get a hotel room and then Wednesday drive over to the airport and pick her up. Carol could drive us home in Wednesday's severe thunderstorm rain pouring possible flooding and a tornado. Carol said No she could take a cab home. All I want is safety and nerves of steel, but instead I am a ball of anxiety-fear-dread-empty exhaustion-freaked-a man of little faith-a broken vessel.
I have been carrying around to read this morning a book titled, "On Contemplating God, Prayer, & Meditations" by William of St Thierry.
Last night I read "Flaubert" a biography by Bart and watched some professional football. I went to bed early. Now I am down in the lower level writing on my old lap top computer feeling wasted-no energy-dead but filled with dread. I am so glad I am not in the American work force in this physical, intellectual and spiritual condition right now. I admire people who work in a world that is absolutely meaningless.
Well I suppose I will close to wait it out. No way of escape.
old diary entry glorycloud