Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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It is now in the flow here in West Michigan 10:35 AM Thursday morning. I am down in the lower level writing on my old lap top. I opened one of the basement windows so I could smell wet earth rain.

Carol called this morning from Boston to check up on me. Still no birth there in Boston Mass.. Emily has a doctor's appointment today so we will see what the doctor says.

On the phone talking to my wife I repeated bits and pieces of what Tim and I talked about yesterday. Not much was really said but before we parted we had a small discussion on communication. Tim goes to the same church my wife goes to. Tim's background is totally different from the members of Covenant PCA. Anyway I won't go into telling you about Tim's past just to say he told me he goes to Covenant PCA because he finds some of the people interesting. So I said you do not go to church to communicate to the people at Covenant PCA. I told Tim I seriously doubt if people wake up Sunday morning saying to themselves I am really going to communicate today at church. People talk to one another but it is mostly a bunch of bullshit. No one is listening just a bunch of chatter coming out their mouths. I told Tim as I look over my life I think maybe I have really communicated to someone rarely. In the Past I talked to people but never really opened up myself and spoke from my Real Self. I do not think I really started communicating till recently. It has only been the last couple of years that I have felt free to be me in all my brokenness. In the past there were always walls between me and other people. Why communicate to someone when they will not listen or hear what you are saying? I told my wife this morning that when I am with Tim I can say anything and he won't blink an eye. It is like here in LiveJournal I can be myself and if people do not read my words I am not going to feel rejected or misunderstood. I am not writing to win friends. I am writing to be true to my inner heart voice. What I find weird is that there are people in LiveJournal who pride themselves on being broad minded but hate evangelical Christianity. These people who think there are so loving and spiritual hate the teachings of the Bible. These people have no tolerance for me because I seek to be true to the teachings of the Bible. And all I want to do is communicate the Truth in a spirit of love. Weird. What some people want is to communicate only to people who have no love for the Lord Jesus Christ but who like feeling all warm inside with some ghost-like spirituality.

I told Carol over the phone this morning that I know for a fact people find me boring. I know my blog is boring. But that is because I am being truthful. Why play the false game that life is one big joy ride? What is exciting is dying and going home to be with the Lord Jesus Christ. Everything is decaying. I remember these words of the apostle Paul, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven" 2 Corinth. 4:16-5:1,2.

I know right now in my life I can look people in the eye and speak with love and truthfulness. I am not being deceitful or scared when I speak to people (or write in my blogs). I am now clear as glass when I communicate. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I have no ax to grind. I am hear to give love to a dying race.

Well I suppose I will close to listen to the rain fall.

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