Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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the progress of civilization wearing itself out as it scraped its bourgeois way toward oblivion

It is 8:20 AM Tuesday morning. I shut off our central air system this morning and opened up the house. Let in the stale air of suburbia. The rotten smell of the American Wasteland fills the corners of our existence.

I do not remember what time I got up. I got up around 5 o'clock AM to drink something cold for my dry mouth. I suffer from dry mouth. I let Rudy out of his cage and went back to bed. It was way too early to get up. I think I finally got out of bed around 7 o'clock AM. I got up made a pot of coffee and then messed with our main computer. Next I wrote in my paper diary. As I was writing in my diary Carol called from Boston Mass..

We talked for a few minutes. It is hot and wet in Boston. She said she got up early this morning walked down to the local 7-11 Store got newspapers and coffee. Emily and Caleb have an area where you can sit outside their third floor apartment, so she sat outside drinking coffee and looking at newspapers. Caleb works from home so she told me he was in his office. She said her and Emily were planning to walk to a grocery store this morning. I told my wife I was dreading going to see my doctor this morning. I am waiting to hear my doctor tell me this is the end. You have only a few moments more to live before you die and face God in the throne room.

So Carol and I talked and then it was time to hang up and face it. I am feeling dread but that is normal for me. I always feel like I am holding down a lid keeping from exploding. Keep everything suppressed till finally I can let go and pray for sanity.

Last night I basically wandered the house and read "Flaubert: A Biography" by Brown. I went to bed around 10:35 PM. I laid in bed for a long time thinking about all the people that comprised my family line. We are all connected. We can trace our bloodline all the way back to Adam and Eve in Paradise/Genesis 1 and 2.

Well the music is over and I suppose I will close to wait for the death squad.

I just remembered that last night I read from these two books, "A New History of French Literature" Edited by Denis Hollier and "Madness And Modernism: Insanity In The Light Of Modern Art, Literature, And Thought" by Louis A. Sass.

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