contemplativeThis morning I once again volunteer at the Herrick Public Library used books store from 10 AM till 1 PM. I might mow our lawn this afternoon. I have surrendered to the fact we will never have a perfect lawn or a perfect life. It is oppressive constantly living with the fact we will never have perfection in this earthly existence. I constantly dream of having perfect floors in our house. I dream of a perfect door opening into our living space. I read books to keep my mind from realizing just how ugly everything is in this dead world.
Last I listened to music and watched television. I went to bed at Midnight last night. I had weird dreams all night. Now it is another day to suffer being awake.
I want to write soon about fatherhood. The first thing I tell people about me is that I never had a father. I never knew my father. I never had a father and son relationship. I never really had a mother and son relationship. I found it strange being a father when our three kids were growing up. I tried super hard to be a good Christian father. I am sure I failed being a father. Now I am a Grandfather. It is all beyond me to comprehend being a father and now a Grandpa. I pray our children will forgive me for being a terrible Dad. Was I a terrible Dad? No I think in my own way I was a good Dad. Of course I could have been a better Dad. It is painful living with ones imperfections. I am saved by the blood of Jesus is my only comfort in life and in death.
Well I suppose I will close to wake up to this day. There is no way of escape.
