Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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all that exists will perish

It is 10:36 AM Tuesday in the flow of world history. I am sitting in our living room listening to music. I have been listening to these CD's this morning.

Boris "Noise"

Agalloch "The Serpent & The Spheres"

Peter Murphy "Lion" Deluxe Edition

As I listen to music I find myself falling asleep. When I sit still I usually fall asleep. My wife who is a nurse tells me I fall asleep because I have a sleep disorder. I think I fall asleep because I am an old man. I see myself someday sitting in a small room in a Old Folks Home sleeping with my stereo blasting metal music. Next to me is my Bible and the writings of St. John of the Cross. I also have by my bedside a worn copy of Jack Kerouac's novel "On The Road".

Carol left this morning to have coffee with one of her cousins.

I got up this morning around 7:10 AM with my wife. I made us a pot of coffee and then messed with our main computer. Next I cooked us breakfast and after breakfast I wrote in my paper diary and read my Reformation Commentary on the Acts of the Apostles.

The morning has gone by thus far normal. Outside it is rainy humid and gray. The weather is plain ugly, but what can one do but bow in submission.

I have nothing to do today to keep me awake. I am try to keep myself in a contemplative state today. Carol goes back to work tonight.

I got out to read next this morning, "Proust Was a Neuroscientist" by Jonah Lehrer.

Last night I read "The World of Yesterday" by Zweig and "Travels With Herodotus" by Kapuscinski. I also watched television last night with my wife and went to bed around 11:30 PM. Now it is late Tuesday morning in the flow of Time.

I was thinking this morning one of the several reasons I would find it hard to travel is that I live a very strict regimental life. What would I do if I did not have my books and time to sit and write down my plain existence. If I was to travel I would be out of my regiment. I would be at a lost. I would lose contact with my life if I was to travel. Who would I be if I was not sitting in our house writing down my thoughts or my actions? I also would feel freaked out there someplace not in our house. I would feel exposed and insecure. Why expose myself to the enemy? Anyway I doubt if I am going anywhere soon.

"[15] Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
[16] For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
[17] And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever." First John 2:15-17

Well I suppose I will close to feel wasted.

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