Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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old diary entry

old diary entry 11/23/06

bury me in a plain pine box

100 facts about me [I wrote this entry back in 2003 and found it this morning while rereading my journal. I wonder why I tend to dwell on my youth and not the 27 years of my married life? Could I write 100 facts based solely on my 27 years of being married to Carol? A 100 facts based on being a father and husband? Did my younger years ruin me for life? How about the transforming effects of being regenerated by God the Holy Spirit? Why not write a 100 facts based on being a Christian? Maybe something is wrong with me? I tend to think about my Past as we come to the end of another year. In 39 days it will be the year 2007. Soon I will be retired and should start planning my burial service. I always tell Carol bury me in a plain pine box and play the music of Bob Dylan while I lay in a coffin waiting the day of Resurrection.}

January 1, 2006

an old diary entry "Hundred Facts About Myself"

Hundred Facts About Myself

1. Born August 14,1952 Oakland Calif.

2. my mother was 18 years old when she had me

3. my mother had me outside of wedlock

4. I never knew my father

5. five years after I was born my brother Mike was born also outside of wedlock.

6. my brother Mike has received two Pulitzer prizes

7. my mother married Earl Inman around 1958 (?)

8. Earl hated Mike and me

9. Earl divorced my mother around 1960

10. in 1960 we lived in Norfolk Virginia

11. my oldest sister was born in Norfolk Virginia and also my other brother Robert Inman

12. around 1961 I had to go live with my Uncle and Aunt who were cruel drunks and dirt poor in Oregon

13. 1962 my mother remarries John Thomas a sailor in Norfolk Virginia

14. we move to Los Angeles Calif. in 1963

15. my mother divorces John Thomas and goes to work as a cocktail waitress

16. I attend Jr. High and become aware of girls and my sexuality.

17. my mother is killed by a speeding ambulance

18. the first book I remember reading was "Valley of the Dolls" by Jacqueline Susan

19. first movie I saw at a movie theater was "The Days of Wine And Roses" (1962) Jack Lemmon and Lee Remick. I remember my mother taking me to this movie with one of her many boyfriends

20. first magazine I remember looking at was "Playboy". My mother once had a boyfriend who owned a big house up in the hills. The fellow had "Playboy" magazines all over his house.

21. first kiss I had was from a girl in the 9th grade who lived in a trailer park

22. after my mother was killed we (Mike and I) lived with my alcoholic aunt and her three sons in San Pablo Calif.

23. I ran away while living with my Aunt and lived with a German Jew hippie woman and her son. I was in the 11th grade living in Richmond Calf. around 1967 or 1968

24.while in High School I was into LSD, weed, magic mushrooms, books and women.

25. remembering seeing in concert Can Heat, Ten Years After, Joy of Cooking, The Guess Who, Pink Floyd, Steve Miller Band

28. had sex for the first time when I was in the 12 grade with a beautiful girl name Debbie

29. went to Young Life in High School and Bahai World Faith Meetings

27. favorite writer in High School was Theodore Dreiser his novel "An American Tragedy"

28. Maria my first foster parent threw me and I lived with a fellow a named Tom and his family while in the 12th grade. Tom's parents told me I had to move out when the Lord saved me in 1970

30. I was a conscientious objector during the Vietnam Conflict

31. I marched against the war in Southeast Asia

32. after I finished High School I wanted to be either a social worker or something to do with Art. After the Lord saved me I wanted to go out and tell others the Good News.

33. I was a Jesus Freak

34. after High School I lived off and on at a Christian commune called Richmond House

35. went to Jr. College for one year and a small independent Liberal Arts College on Mackinac Island Mich. for a half year

36. in my early 20's the biggest influence in my life was playwrite Bertolt Brecht

37. I worked at Richmond Rescue Mission for a couple of years ( because I wanted to live on the edge of society. I wanted to live among outcasts)

38. I fell in love with an older woman who was divorced and had four older children. I was in my early 20's and she was in her early 50's, her name was Tykie

39. I became a Calvinist while working at the Richmond Rescue Mission and joined the Orthodox Presbyterian Church maybe the year was 1975 (?)

40. Tykie moved to Oregon and I met another divorced woman who had two small boys named Sandy

41. Sandy bought me my first car and forced me to get a driver's license

44. I left the mission and worked at a 7-11 Store for a couple of months

45. I was in the far country and was not walking with the Lord when I was with Sandy

46. the Lord had mercy on me and set me free from the chains of sin and I left Calf. to attend Reformed Bible College

47. at Reformed Bible College I met Carol and six months later we got married May 1979

48. I began to read the English Puritans around 1976 (?)

50. The first Puritan book that had an impact on me was a book titled "Looking Unto Jesus" by Isaac Ambrose. I have a reprint of this wonderful book in my book collection

51. when Carol and I were dating she bought me "Matthew Henry's Commentaries" and the "Works of Thomas Manton"

52. my wife bought our wedding rings because I had no money when we decided to get married

53. I never proposed to my wife

54. we were married in the front room of my wife's parents house

55. my wife never had a boyfriend till she met me

56. I married Carol because I knew it was the best decision I would ever make in my life

57. I have a B.R. E. degree from Reformed Bible College which is a Bachelor of Religious Education degree.

58. when I went to Reformed Bible College I was thinking of becoming a missionary. I wanted to go live with the Amazonian Indians Brazil

59. from the age of 9 to a couple of years ago I was constantly sick with an stomach ucler

60. I have been keeping a diary since I was 18 years old but burned all my diaries when I left Calif. to attend Reformed Bible College. After getting back from our honeymoon I started writing again and have not stopped since

61. during the 1980's I listened only to the radio and did not buy many records. The night after our wedding Carol and I went to a Mall and I bought a record by James Taylor which I still have down in the basement. The next record I recall buying was Blood On The Tracks by Bob Dylan. I also bought Dylan's Christian albums and then we got into listening to Keith Green tapes. I mainly listened to Blue Grass and Classic the first years of being married. I did not start buying music till we moved to Holland Mich. 13 years ago. I did buy cassette tapes when we lived in the South. I really got into the music of Bruce Cockburn and Van Morrison. I have always been a fan of Dylan's music especially his early stuff.

62. we moved to Mississippi to attend Reformed Theological Seminary because we wanted to live in the South. I also wanted to sit under the teaching of Dr. John DeWitt the Prof. of Systematic Theology. The first day we were on campus I went to see Dr. DeWitt and found him packing his library. He had accepted a call to be a Sr. Pastor in a big Presbyterian Church. I was disappointed that he was leaving but what could I do about it?

63. as a seminary student I had a couple small breakdowns but nothing that crippled me but those seminary years were very hard on me

64. I never feel comfortable around people and I suppose that is why I never became a minister but now work alone at the bottom of the egg pit

65. While in attending seminary I took a seminar called Christian Spirituality with Peter Toon and it while taking that class I got back into the writings of St. John of the Cross

66. after seminary we had to find a place to do my ministerial internship

67. we moved to Houston Texas and to my internship at Covenant PCA some of the worse years of my life

68. terrible time in Texas

69 we moved back to Michigan to settle down and raise our three children 13 years ago

70. Carol and I both want to live a simple life

71. I do not like my job but I do like being free to be myself

72. I do not like to be told what to do

73. I like being free to think my own thoughts and not have to deal with being told what to think

74. I see the Christian life as a life of freedom and so I gladly do what the Bible tells me what to do

75. I mainly like being free to think and write

76. I want to visit Spain someday and visit the places where St. John of the Cross lived and wrote

77. I wish I could read and speak Spanish so I could read St. John of the Cross in his own language

78. when I graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary I received a Master of Divinity Diploma

79. I do not have any close friends

80. I consider myself a Reformed Evangelical mystic Jesus Freak

81. someday I want to live the life of a hermit

82. I do not like to drive

83. I hate the winter season here in Michigan

84. I drink coke and rarely anything else

85. I do not know basic English grammar

86. I know very little science or math

87. I do not like to shave

88. I collect books to look at and not to read

89. I like to have a house full of cats but my wife is allergic to cat hair

90. I rarely receive personal phone calls or letters

91. I have not been in contact with my brothers and sisters since my mother's death. Mike and I are not close. About eight years ago we visited Mike and his family in Washington D.C. but rarely have any contact. Years ago I got into contact with my oldest sister Robin but then she suddenly broke off contact. My family is my wife and three children.

92. I do not like the world

93. I feel guilty when I have money in my pocket

94. I collect music

95. my favorite song is by Bob Dylan "Tombstone Blues" found on his record "Highway 61 Revisited". I have told Carol I want this record by Dylan played at my funeral

96. I wear white work socks every day

97. I do not know Greek or Hebrew

98. I am a loner

99. I do not like loud women

100. I never tell jokes or play games

[listening to Chris Whitley "Rocket House"]

music: Songs of Leonard Cohen

November 23,2006 Thanksgiving holy day morning reflections on the above

[I noticed after I wrote the above I did not mention the Fact I am a father of three wonderful children Caleb Jon, Josiah and Bethany. I suppose to know me is to know I am a father. Am I a good father? I try to be a good father. I love my three children and have always sought to be good to them. I have sought to be a good Christian example before them. I do confess I am a loner and find it hard to get outside of myself. I am thankful we have raised three productive children. I am thankful our children are responsible mature adults and do not have a lot of problems. I am thankful to know our children love us. My children might not agree with their Dad, but I know they love me and respect me.

It is hard being a father when I never had one myself. I am thankful that our children have such a wonderful mother. Carol is a wonderful wife and mother. I believe one of the reasons our children are what they are today is because they had a great mother who raised them in the fear and joy of the Lord.

In the end the Lord has blessed us with three fine children now adults. I often wonder who they will marry? The world is so full of jerks.]

music: Tom Waits "Orphans"

7:16 a.m. - 2006-11-23

10:39 a.m. - 2009-05-04

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