Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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a truth-teller on the unspeakables of the human condition

It is 8:28 PM Friday night. Tomorrow is the last day of May 2014. Soon we will be in the season of Summer. I do not remember when I became aware of the change of seasons. One notices more the change of seasons in Michigan. When I lived in California I do not remember seasonal changes. When we lived in Mississippi it was always the same weather either warm or hot. Also when we lived in Texas it was either warm or hot. Living here in Michigan one notices when one goes through the seasons Winter, Spring, Summer and Autumn.

I do remember when I was a boy living in Virginia the winter season but not the other seasons well maybe Spring and Summer.

Lately I have been asking myself, "When did I become conscious of life outside of myself?" It seems to me most of my life I have gone through life blindly or a prisoner to my lusts. As I look over my life how much of my attention was focused on satisfying my fleshly lusts or needs. I lived a slave to the flesh most of my life. Right now in my old age I wonder where my flesh has gone.

I suppose in a certain sense one is never free. Freedom is an illusion. If one is free what is one suppose to use that freedom for. I suppose I am free from want. I have all that I want. I am comfortable meaning we are well fed and have shelter. I am not suffering health wise. I do suffer at moments from depression, anxiety, and dread. I need to pray more.

Lately I also have been wondering why did I become who I am? Well I am a Christian, which is because the Lord Jesus determined to save me from my sinful flesh. The Lord saved me from a life of sin. I am if I am a Christian living a life of holiness. I am to live a life where I am seeking not to sin, but obey the will of our heavenly Father.

In the end my life is a mystery to me. I seek I suppose to live one day at a time. It is too late to figure it all out. Now is a time of faith.

Today I mainly read my books and watched time go by. I took a walk this morning at VanRaalte Farm. I spent the day reading "Updike" a biography by Adam Begley. I also read "The Denial Of Death" by Ernest Becker. I never got into my books on Acts. I am out of it. I am tired.

Well I suppose I will close to read and go to bed my usual time. I am not going anywhere.

"[13] For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
[14] For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
[15] But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
[16] This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
[17] For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
[18] But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
[19] Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
[20] Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
[21] Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
[23] Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
[24] And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
[25] If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
[26] Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another." Galatians 5:13-26

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