Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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pure wildness

It is 7:34 AM Sunday morning. I am waking up to a new week. This week I will be absolutely alone. I might not even go outside this week except to feed the birds. Well I do have a dentist appointment Thursday to have my teeth clean. Also this coming Thursday I am suppose to get together with a friend for breakfast. I might visit thrift stores this week in search of used books to add to our library. Right now outside it is dark and extremely cold. It is suppose to snow and rain this week.

This morning as I sat in our living room I was remembering when I was a young man. I got married when I was in my late 20's. I was either 27 or 28 years old when Carol and I got married. I am six months older than my wife. Before I married Carol the women I had relationships with were always older than me.

When I was young I was wild. What I mean by being wild was that I was fully aware of my flesh. The flesh is that raw life force not controlled by God the Holy Spirit. Even though I was a professing Christian when I was a young man my flesh controlled me for the most part. I was a slave to my fleshly lusts. I was wild or uncontrollable. I did what my lusts wanted me to do. There is something pleasurable being under the power of lusts or the flesh. But the pleasure received by satisfying ones lusts does not bring true happiness or satisfaction. In my case after I sinned or let my flesh control me there was always guilt. But that feeling of wildness when I was young is something I sometimes miss. I am now total brain. I have lost awareness of my body. There is no dance movement in my soul. I am like a block of stone. My body does not know or is aware of the cosmic flow all around me. I do not know how to feel the movements of Nature or flesh. My mind controls me. Common sense controls me. I am a spiritual man meaning I am controlled by the Holy Spirit. But there are times I would like to feel wild. Maybe what I want to experience is pure joy. I want to rejoice in the wildness of God. I suppose there are somethings an old man can never experience again. I will never again experience pure wildness.

So it is a Sunday in the flow of Time. I suppose today I will read my books and sit in silence.

"[31] Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
[32] And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
[33] They answered him, We be Abraham's seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?
[34] Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.
[35] And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: but the Son abideth ever.
[36] If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed." John 8:31-36

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