Crooked Finger (crookedfingers) wrote,
Crooked Finger

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old diary entry posted 11/06/04

The Myth of Sisyphus

her kisses were so sweet

where has the time gone?[ edit | delete ]

posted 11/06/04 (edited Saturday, Nov 06, 2004 11:59)

It is Saturday morning 9:46 AM my day OFF from the Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Division. I have been working at the Egg Divison for 573 weeks thus far. When we moved to Holland 13 and half years ago for the first two years I stayed home and took care of the home. Before moving to Holland we lived in Houston Texas. We moved to Houston Texas after I graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary Jackson Miss. We went to Reformed Theological Seminary after I graduated from Reformed Bible College Grand Rapids Mich. I went to Reformed Bible College after leaving Richmond Calif. to train myself to be a soul doctor. I moved to Richmond Calif. after my mother was killed in car wreck in Los Angeles Calif. My mother and sibbings lived in Los Angeles Calif after our step-father Tom moved us there from Norfolk Virginia. My mother met Tom in a bar in Norfolk Virginia-he was a sailor. When my mother met Tom I was living in a small coastal town in Oregon with my uncle and aunt who were drunks and full of violence. After my mother married Tom we (Mike and me) went to live with Tom, mom and Robin in Virginia. My mother was pregnant with my sister Dawnelle (she was three years old when our mother was destroyed in a car wreck December 21, 1968-she was killed by an ambulance-my mother did not see the ambulance and she was taken into eternity by the hand of God immediately-when we die we are either in hell or heaven forever and ever-there are no second chances once we die.
I was born in Oakland Calif in 1952 I never my father. When I was a boy we lived in California, Washington D.C. and Maryland. My mother had Mike who also had no father-she married Earl and my brother Robert was born and my sister Robin came into the sin cursed world. Earl divorced my mother back in the early 60's-they were not married long-I do not think my mother was ever married to one man very long-maybe the marriages lasted four to five years at the most-I never knew my mother. My mother was a party girl with false teeth and bleached blonde hair.

When my mother was taken off to face her Judge Mike and I went to live again with my alcohic aunt and her three messed up sons in a small house filled with the fumes of cigarettes and dead dreams. I left and by divine providence lived with Marie and Kim-I was in the 11th grade and became a free spirit-got into bohemianism. Maria threw me up and I lived with another beheminian type family-I was in the 12th grade-I was into Debbie, LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) and the ant-war movement-I applied for conscientious objector status. America pulled out of Vietnam and God saved me the summer of 1970. After High School I went to Contra Costa Jr. College and then the following year Machinac Liberat Arts College on Mackinac Island-I did not finish the year at Mackinac because the school got into financial problems and was going shut down. I found out about the college closing during winter break-I was living in a Christian commune in Northern Calif. up in the redwoods with a couple hundred Jesus Freaks.

To give you an idea where I was at at this point in my spiritual journey I should tell you I did not immediately go to the Christian commune during the winter break (what year was that?) I got a ride up north from my foster brother Tom-he was going up north to help his hippie sister build a house out in the woods-when we got to her place I bought a huge block of pure hashish (hashish-a resinous product of the top leaves and tender parts of hemp, smoked or chewed for its narcotic effects) and stayed stoned for a couple of weeks. I smoked hashish every day and read the writings of Albert Camus 'The Myth of Sisphus'-after the hashish was all smoked up I hitched hiked to the Christian commune-I was so out of it that I forgot my boots and had to wear rubber boots when I lived with the Jesus People-when I was a young man I hardly wore shoes-I wore flip-flops.

Back in the early days of being a follower of Jesus I was mixed up-well I was not controlled totally by the Holy Spirit. I was fleshly-my lusts still had strong hold on me-I was a baby Christian who had a lot to learn (Hebrews 12:3-11)

I left the Christian commune and went to live once again in Richmond Calif. I think I had been a Christian by that time three years. I was into speaking in tongues and sex. I worked for a few months in a steel plant. The plant closed down and I was lead by God to join the staff of the Richmond Rescue Mission. I was in love with an older woman and sleeping with her on weekends. I smoked dope and read the English Puritans. Tykie moved away and I met Sandy. Lived a life of a Don Juan and smoked weed. I went to the Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Berkelely Calif. Sunk deeper and deeper in the mire of sin-at times I wanted God to killed me or end my life since I was having such a good time being stoned and having sex all the time. I was under the conviction of sin and I knew if I was to die I would go to hell and burn forever and ever in the Lake of Fire.

One day I was reading the book 'The New Birth' by J.C. Ryle and I bowed my head and prayed for God to break the chains of sin-set me free from my life of wickedness. When I finished praying I felt free from sin and decided to leave California and educated myself to be a gospel preacher. Not to long after being made right with God by the blood of Jesus I packed my old car drove to Michigan to finish college at Reformed Bible College. I lived at Mel Trotter's Mission working as a Night Supervisor till I married Carol May 1979. Now it is November 6, 2004 I am 52 years old and I have been on the narrow way going on 36 years-even when I have not been faithful, God has been faithful.

1970 God saved me
1971 Contra Costa College San Pablo Calif.
1972 Mackinac Island College (on our honeymoon Carol and I went to Mackinac Island)
1973 Richmond Rescue Mission/Tykie
1974 living at the mission and living the life of a hypocrite
1975 became a Calvinist while working at the mission-got into reading the writings of the 17th cent. English Puritans
1976 left the Mission due to having adulterous relationship
"following the way of Balaam" (sometime around here Tykie moved to Oregon)
1977 Sandy divorced with two small boys (we were lovers-smoked a ton of dope and realized our relationship had to come to an end)
1978 left Calif.
1979 married Carol
1981 Caleb Jon born/graduated from Reformed Bible Colege
1982 Josiah was born/moved to Jackson Miss. to attend Reformed Theological Seminary
1984 Bethany was born in Jackson Miss.
1986 left Jackson Miss. for Houston Texas
1991 moved to Holland Mich. to settle down-get jobs and raise our kids-live the simple life of seeking the face of God-July 1991
1993 Nov. I think I started working at the Hamilton Farm Bureau part-time-I worked part-time for two years? I get lost in Time so I am not sure with the dates-If Carol was up I could ask her exactly when we moved here and when I started working at Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Division
2004 November 6, 2004 taking to myself time is 11:08 AM my day off from work-my sabbath rest-I will close to sit and ponder the passing of the years.

music: Norfolk & Western "Winter Farewell"

music: Meshuggah "Catch Thirtythree"

9:52 p.m. - 2006-07-05
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