June 30th, 2021

Timothy and I going back on forth about dealing with intense anxiety and depression

Crookedfingers Jonny
Yes I am thankful for the four new book cases, but I have to get rid of more books which is kind of depressing. What is so Weird is that I doubt if I will ever read the books I own/secular books/I love the Bible and mainly read and study the Bible. Why do I keep ALL these books? Why does it make me sad knowing I have to get rid of books I will never read. Our son Josiah said to me the other day in looking at my Library "All is vanity"!I thought of putting all secular books where most of my Christian Library is located and just having visible Christian books always looking at me. Maybe if I saw constantly Christian books in the Main Room I would feel better inside. It is a crazy thought but maybe it would shed some light on my darkness. I see what Carol thinks of the idea.

I should ADD I did fill one of the four book cases with Christian books.

My doctor prescribed for me to start taking one time a day in the morning Paroxetine. My wife and I did see yesterday morning a Behavioral Health Specialist for 45 minutes and I have follow up with her in three weeks. I am praying I can keep going. I am praying these medication enables me to function.

I just got back from a long walk. I am think of riding a ten speed I bought several years ago but never got into riding it. I am also going to go for walks every day. My wife takes walks every day so I will walk with her once a day and a walk in the evening.

I have to come up with a PLAN to overcome this anxiety/depression/sick feeling. I need the Lord to come down in a mighty way to lift me out of this dark pit/deliver me afresh.

Thank you for you comments and prayers. Praying for you/family also.


Patmos816
Timothy
Yes sir I 100% feel God will deliver you and myself out of this pit of despair! We have to trust Him and His plan for us even when it becomes uncontrollable, I don’t remember he verse but doesn’t it say He won’t ever give us more than we can handle? I believe in Him to get you through this! On your YouTube I use my real name it’s Timothy Romang so when you pray for me you can use my real name, I’ve got my dad and his church praying for you as well! Paroxetine I believe is the generic for Paxil if I remember right I do know it’s a SSRI type of medicine they call them. I am on one as well but I’ve been to worried to take them but maybe I’ll try them now because I would like to feel normal again. Just remember sometimes it takes those a few weeks to work so don’t feel discouraged if it doesn’t feel like it’s working. But if it’s not there are others out there just have to find the one that works with your brain. Getting out the ol’ bike sounds great, I try and stick to walking but I think a bike would be awesome. They say it helps get rid of all the coristol I think it’s called when we’re anxious and panicky we release a lot of it so moving and walking riding bikes helps with that. Maybe it’ll be a new hobby bike riding and being a book worm. I can see how getting rid of the books would be hard and in the end that’s your decision if you just want to keep your Christian books, I believe God wants us to enjoy other things too as long as we keep Him first and foremost in our lives! I tend to keep alot of my bibles around me and my Christian books it gives my mind a little peace I can’t explain it but I like the feeling of knowing they’re around me. I’ll stop writing this novel length of a comment and find something to do. I’m praying for you my friend! God won’t let you down even during this debilitating time in your life He has you in his hand. Take care

Crookedfingers Jonny
I have found comfort and knowledge in your long comments-it gives me some hope that in time I will begin to feel better. I do not know anyone around here that I can share what I am going through except my wife and family. It would be nice to have every day a Behavioral Health Specialist or God just grant me a powerful visitation of the Holy Spirit and lift me out of this pit-in the mean while my wife and I pray throughout the day. I find the only think I can read is the Bible/Gospel of Luke. It is like I am hungering or praying God to speak to me powerfully/a mystical experience resulting in a New Me free from depression dread fear. I am praying for a Miracle. I am also praying this new prescription in time will cause me to feel at some level of calmness.

Do you think I should rid my main office of Eastern Orthodox symbols/slogans DEATH TO THE WORLD the last true rebellion-what I mean is maybe I need to THINK bright thoughts like Rejoice this is God's World. Find at some Christian bookstore uplifting Bible verses. Shut the internet and stop reading All the negative News. I did store away all my Black and Death metal CD's.

I did ask my wife last night if she thought maybe a demon has possessed me. She said No. I have always believed as a Christian/Reformed/Biblical that the Lord Jesus overthrew the devil and the demonic powers of darkness on the Cross (Colossians 2:13-17.)

You asked me about Eschatology in one of your Notes. I do not hold to any detailed Eschatology System-I basically believe we are in the End Times-the world will become more and more wicked as we approach the Second Coming of Christ (2 Thess. 2)-there will be a Day of Judgment/The Last Day/Final Resurrection/a New Creation (2 Peter 3).

Once again please feel free to write long comments. Thank you for your prayers/your father Pastor his church prayers I need prayer desperately now I need God to strength my feeble faith-I need a fresh baptism of the Holy Spirit-a fresh filling of divine life from the Fountain of Life the Lord Jesus Christ (Colossians 2:9-15).

neighborhood walk
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