January 20th, 2021

my heart cries to You by silent desires

It is 1:08 PM Wednesday afternoon here in West Michigan. We have been watching on TV the Biden and Harris Inauguration Ceremony. I feel like that now Trump is out of office as President a Reign of Terror has ended. The Trump Presidency was one of hatred and violence/physical violence and verbal violence. I am praying the Biden and Harris Presidency is one of peace and good will towards all Americans/all Races/the Classes.

This morning I got up around 7:15 AM. I had a dentist appointment at 10 o'clock AM. I spent the morning before going to the dentist writing in my paper diary and sitting watching or listening to my brain movie. It constantly amazes me all the shit that goes inside my brain. I pray when I am in Heaven my brain is perfectly divine/heavenly/think only the thoughts of God/have the mind of Christ Jesus. My mind is pretty rotten at times.

While at the dentist office I read, 'The Imitation of Christ' by Thomas a Kempis. After my dentist appointment I visit a local Goodwill Store to look at their used books. I found these used books this morning to add to our library (my wife and I figure we have together 15,000 books)-

'Cogs In The Wheel-The Formation of Soviet Man' Russian History by Mikhial Heller

'Bread Givers' A Novel by Anzia Yezierska

'The Buddhist Handbook-A Complete Guide to Buddhist Schools, Teachings, Practice, and History' by John Snelling

'The Livelist Art-A Panoramic History of the Movies' by Arthur Knight

'Jefferson the Virginian' Jefferson And His Time Volume One by Dumas Malone

'Jefferson the Rights of Man' Jefferson And His Time Volume Two by Dumas Malone

'Jefferson and the Ordeal of Liberty' Jefferson And His Time Volume Three by Dumas Malone

'Jefferson the President First Term, 1801-1805' Jefferson And His Time Volume Four by Dumas Malone

'Jefferson the President Second Term, 1805-1809' Jefferson And His Time Volume Five by Dumas Malone

'The Sage of Monticello' Jefferson And His Time Volume Six by Dumas Malone

All I read this morning was the book, 'The Imitation of Christ' by Thomas a Kempis. When I got home from running around I ate lunch and wrote in my paper diary. As I was writing in my diary Carol arrived home from visiting our local library and visiting thrift stores.

Last night right now I can't remember. I think last night I watched videos on Youtube of minister's libraries.

I am tired so I will close. There is no way of escape.
  • Current Music
    Matthew Sweet 'Altered Beast'

most holy lover of my soul

"CHAPTER XXI
That we must rest in God above all goods and gifts

Above all things and in all things thou shalt rest alway in the Lord, O my soul, for he himself is the eternal rest of the saints. Grant me, most sweet and loving Jesus, to rest in Thee above every creature, above all health and beauty, above all glory and honour, above all power and dignity, above all knowledge and skilfulness, above all riches and arts, above all joy and exultation, above all fame and praise, above all sweetness and consolation, above all hope and promise, above all merit and desire, above all gifts and rewards which Thou canst give and pour forth, above all joy and jubilation which the mind is able to receive and feel; in a word, above Angels and Archangels and all the army of heaven, above all things visible and invisible, and above everything which Thou, O my God, art not.

2. For Thou, O Lord, my God, art best above all things; Thou only art the Most High, Thou only the Almighty, Thou only the All-sufficient, and the Fulness of all things; Thou only the All-delightsome and the All-comforting; Thou alone the altogether lovely and altogether loving; Thou alone the Most Exalted and Most Glorious above all things; in Whom all things are, and were, and ever shall be, altogether and all-perfect. And thus it falleth short and is insufficient whatsoever Thou givest to me without Thyself or whatsoever Thou revealest or dost promise concerning Thyself, whilst Thou art not seen or fully possessed: since verily my heart cannot truly rest nor be entirely content, except it rest in Thee, and go beyond all gifts and every creature.

3. O my most beloved Spouse, Jesus Christ, most holy lover of my soul, Ruler of this whole Creation, who shall give me the wings of true liberty, that I may flee to Thee and find rest? Oh when shall it be given me to be open to receive Thee to the full, and to see how sweet Thou art, O Lord my God? When shall I collect myself altogether in Thee, that because of Thy love I may not feel myself at all, but may know Thee only above every sense and measure, in measure not known to others. But now I ofttimes groan, and bear my sad estate with sorrow; because many evils befall me in this vale of miseries which continually disturb and fill me with sorrow, and encloud me, continually hinder and fill me with care, allure and entangle me, that I cannot have free access to Thee, nor enjoy that sweet intercourse which is always near at hand to the blessed spirits. Let my deep sighing come before Thee, and my manifold desolation on the earth.

4. O Jesus, Light of Eternal Glory, solace of the wandering soul, before Thee my mouth is without speech, and my silence speaketh to Thee. How long will my Lord delay to come unto me? Let Him come unto me, His poor and humble one, and make me glad. Let Him put forth His hand, and deliver His holy one from every snare. Come, Oh come; for without Thee shall be no joyful day or hour, for Thou art my joy, and without Thee is my table empty. I am miserable, and in a manner imprisoned and loaded with fetters, until Thou refresh me by the light of Thy presence, and give me liberty, and show Thy loving countenance.

5. Let others seek some other thing instead of Thee, whatsoever it shall please them; but for my part nothing else pleaseth or shall please, save Thou, my God, my hope, my eternal salvation. I will not hold my peace, nor cease to implore, until Thy grace return, and until Thou speak to me within.

6. "Behold, here I am! Behold, I come to thee, for thou didst call Me. Thy tears and the longing of thy soul, thy humbleness and contrition of heart have inclined Me, and brought Me to thee."

7. And I said Lord, I have called upon Thee, and I have longed to enjoy Thee, being ready to reject everything for Thy sake. For Thou didst first move me to seek Thee. Therefore, blessed be Thou, O Lord, who has wrought this good work upon Thy servant, according to the multitude of Thy mercy. What then hath Thy servant to say in Thy presence, save to humble himself greatly before Thee, being alway mindful of his own iniquity and vileness. For there is none like unto Thee in all marvels of heaven and earth. Excellent are Thy works, true are Thy judgments, and by Thy Providence are all things governed. Therefore praise and glory be unto Thee, O Wisdom of the Father, let my mouth and my soul and all created things praise and bless Thee together." Thomas a Kempis
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative