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crookedfingers
June 5th, 2019 
It is 11:14 AM Wednesday late morning here in West Michigan. It is a damp cloudy day. It feels like it could rain sometime today. This morning when my wife got home around 9:15 AM she asked me if during the night did I hear the thunder storm roll through? I said No. I did notice this morning when I got up at 5:58 AM that the sidewalks were wet.

I got this morning feeling feverish and damp with sick sweat. I am very sick with a late Spring early Summer cold. I think I am falling apart in my old age. Time is catching up with me and calling in IOU's. So I got up got a glass of cold winter and sat in the living room wondering if this is the day I die. Is this the day I am rushed to the hospital and will die? Am I ready to meet the Judge the Lord Jesus Christ. Am I ready to give up the ghost?

I woke myself up around 7:30 AM warmed up a cup of coffee and ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Next I messed with our main computer and then wrote in my paper diary. After writing down my last will and testament I got out to read for morning departure, 'Theoretical-Practical Theology-Prolegomena' Volume 1 by Petrus Van Mastricht Translated By Todd M. Rester Edited By Joel R. Beeke.

Carol got home late from work this morning because she had her work evaluations. She was in bed by 9:30 AM. I dozed and now I am writing in my online diaries. I am very sick so I plan to sit and wait for physical and spiritual healing.

Last night I filmed a short video for my Youtube channel and read 'Ohio' a novel by Stephen Markley. I went to bed around 11:30 PM. I slept poorly due to being very sick. Well I will close to drift through this day in a fog of sickness.
"Martin Luther: From where shall we take thoughts to defend us? Only from Christ, and only in him will we find them. For if the heart of a believer in Christ accuses him and reprimands him and witnesses against him that he has done evil, he will immediately turn away from evil and will take his refuge in Christ and say, "Christ has done enough for me. He is just. He is my defense. He has died for me. He has made his righteousness my righteousness, and my sin his sin. If he has made my sin to be his sin, then I do not have it, and I am free. If he has made his righteousness my righteousness, then I am righteous now with the same righteousness as he. My sin cannot devour him, but it is engulfed in the unfathomable depths of his righteousness for he himself is God, who is blessed forever." Thus we can say, "God is greater than our heart." The Defender is greater than the accuser, immeasurably greater. It is God who is my defender. It is my heart that accuses me. Lectures On Romans (1516)"

It is 1:20 PM Wednesday afternoon I am very sick today, but, I keep going. Today I have been reading 'Romans 1-8' Reformation Commentary on Scripture chapter 2 verses 15 & 16. Not much else to report so I will close to feel sick.

"[15] Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another;)
[16] In the day when God shall judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ according to my gospel." Romans 2:15,16
It is 4:48 PM late Wednesday afternoon here in Michigan. The sun is shining and it is 78 degrees presently. It did not rain today (it could rain tonight?).

I have had a quiet day wandering the house, reading my books, and writing in my paper diary. Soon my wife will get up to get ready to go back to work. It seems nothing really changes from one day to the next. The same dust that is on my desk is the same dust that was on that same desk 28 years ago. Everything is covered here inside this house with dust. I am sure there people around me who dust at the sight of dust. I saw our next door neighbor last night power washing his sidewalks. I bet there is no dust anywhere in their little puny lives. There will be dust on their bodies when they are buried in the ground. Dust to dust is the fate of all of mankind. How to completely get rid of dust? I find our neighbors constant battle with dust tragic.

I just got delivered to our door by UPS a used book I had ordered titled, 'Publish The Book-The Unbelievable True Story Of How I Wrote, Sold, And Published This Very Book' A Premature Memoir by Stephen Markley. I have been reading since last Sunday Markley's novel, 'Ohio'.

So this day goes by in a sick sticky fever. I hope I begin to feel whole again. This coming Saturday our granddaughter Cora Leigh gets baptized in a local Catholic Church.

I keep thinking about that last video I made for my Youtube channel. Why do I always paint myself to be so ugly? So messed up? Why can't I just set forth a false image of myself? Why show the world my warts? why show viewers my failure to conform to the world of the living Dead. It is all beyond me this obsession to be real in a dead world.

Carol is getting up and I need to go make a fresh pot of coffee for her.
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