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crookedfingers
February 16th, 2019 
It is in the ongoing death flow 10:24 AM Saturday morning here in Michigan. It is a cold gray day today. It is suppose not snow or rain today.

I am having a difficult time staying awake this morning so I thought I better write something before the day comes to a close. I got up this morning around 5:58 AM. I got up made myself some oatmeal for breakfast. I ate my mush while messing with our main computer. In the mornings I go to our main computer to look at News, check my e-mail and to watch Youtube. I check my Youtube site to see if I have received any new comments on my videos and to see if I have any new subscribers to my Booktube channel. After messing with our main computer I wrote in my paper diary, read, and made a video for my Youtube channel. This morning I have been reading, 'Fire Within St Teresa Of Avila St John Of The Cross And The Gospel ON PRAYER' by Thomas Dubay, S.M..

Carol called around 8:30 AM from the hospital telling me she was done with work and ready to come home. When we got home Carol looked at a morning newspaper and ate some chex mix and then went to bed for the day. She works tonight AND is off tomorrow night.

I have no plans for the day except to drift. I might doze this morning down in the lower level. Last night I read my books and made a video for my Booktube channel. I read from these books last night before going to bed-

'The Pleasures of the Imagination: English Culture in the Eighteenth Century' by John Brewer

'Scratches The Rules Of The Game Volume 1' by Michel Leiris Translated from the French by Lydia Davis

Well I suppose I will close to drift.
"The peace and repose of the seventh mansions are inner, not necessary outer. One can suffer intensely from human sins and ignorance and ineptitudes, but there remains down deep in the soul as great calm. One can sense and emotional levels there may be little or no peace, but in the center of the soul, as the saints explains, there are stability and serenity. Teresa finds it difficult to explain how this can happen, and so she resorts to examples. "A king is living in his palace," she remarks, "many wars are waged in his kingdom and many other distressing things happen there, but he remains where he is despite them all. . . Our whole body may be in pain, yet if our head is sound the fact that the body is in pain will not cause it to ache as well." These comparisons are so inept, she adds, that they make her smile. Yet she knows no other." pg. 107 'Fire Within' Thomas Dubay, S.M.
09:04 pm - table fellowship
It is in the death flow 8:46 PM Saturday night. I am home from having dinner with Ryan and his family. Ryan called me around 3:30 PM this afternoon and asked if Carol and I would like to come over for dinner around 6 o'clock PM. I told Ryan Carol works tonight, but I could come over around 6 o'clock PM for dinner. I accepted Ryan's invitation even though the idea of going to someone's house for dinner freaked me out. But Ryan and I have talked a couple of times and he knows I am a weird-o so I let the shit fly. I have been wondering how Ryan and his family were doing since he had not stopped by the Book Nook to chat lately. I was sick with dread but I left around 5:45 AM for his place. I left a note for Carol telling her we had been invited over to Ryan's for dinner.

So I get to Ryan's place around 5:50 PM and they were not expecting me so early. Anyway I immediately assured everything was cool with me. I do not mine their house being a mess. We have grandchildren and do not mine a house mess. But Ryan and his kids started picking things up. I can't remember Ryan's wife name or his four kids/two girls and two boys/all their names start with an O.

I basically repeated all my standard raps-I am a broken record. I really hate hearing myself repeat the same old shit time after time. But Ryan and his wife have not heard all my raps so I rambled on and on. It was all very strange, but when I am nervous I tend to talk and talk.  Some of what I said tonight I had already shared with Ryan in past conversions.

When you have lived as a Christian for almost 50 years one has a lot of stories/views/opinions to share with other professing Christians. I think I talked or we talked for close to two hours. Ryan and his wife also talked. Their four children were quiet and well behaved. They seem like a nice solid Christian family. We all have our struggles. One just keeps seeking the Lord.

I always feel more comfortable living a life of silence. A life of sharing my existence in my online diaries or now my Youtube videos. I am sure I say things that should remain private or at least unspoken. I tend to be too open about our lives Carol and I. But I am not one to keep my mouth shut even though I know I am coming off being somewhat foolish or too much information being shared. Do people really want to HEAR all about my life? My life is nothing. I am nothing. Nothing I say in the end is going to change anything. But I am sociable, so I went over to Ryan's for dinner and maybe sometime in the future there will be another time to have Christian fellowship. 
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