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July 22nd, 2018 
06:28 am - Senzar
It is 9:51 AM Sunday morning in the death flow. It is a gray ugly humid morning here in west Michigan. Maybe it will rain again today. We need the rain here in west Michigan. Corn plants need rain.

I got up this morning around 6 o'clock AM. I got up got a glass of water and messed with our main computer. After messing with our main computer I wrote in my paper diary and then made myself a small pot of oatmeal for breakfast. After breakfast I started reading from a book titled, 'Conformed To The Image Of His Son: Reconsidering Paul's Theology Of Glory In Romans' by Haley Goranson Jacob Foreword By N.T. Wright. As I was reading Carol came home from work. She has gone to bed for the day. I have been listening this morning to the music of Bob Dylan and Swans.

I have no plans for the day ahead of me.

Last night I read 'Conformed To The Image Of His Son' and watched a taped television show. I went to bed around 11:15 PM. Now it is another day.

I think I figured why Youtube banished me from downloading videos for two weeks. I think it is because I was not strictly discussing books in my Booktube channel. If I am going to post videos in Booktube my videos must discuss books and nothing else. I am not to discuss for example in my Booktube channel subjects like Christian Spirituality or Reformed Theology. In Booktube I must only talk about books and nothing else. I plan to leave Booktube now that I know the Community guidelines. I can't just discuss books free from being a Christian since I am a Christian bookworm.

Well I will close to drift through the day.

It is in the ongoing rush to the grave 4:03 PM late Sunday afternoon. It is still damp and gray outside. It feels like the end of the world.

I spent all morning reading the book 'Conformed To The Image Of His Son: Reconsidering Paul's Theology Of Glory In Romans' by Haley Goranson Jacob Foreword By N.T. Wright. Now I am reading 'I Will Be Complete: A Memoir' by Glen David Gold.

It is weird knowing I can not make videos for a couple of weeks. I have been making videos for six years and now I am not allowed by unknown powers to make videos till the 4th of August. Who was the individual that cut me off from Booktube world? Who has it out for me. Strange to be targeted by unknown enemies of the State.

I do not really have anything to write. I just wanted to sit down and acknowledge my solitary existence.

Carol will be up in a couple of hours to get ready to go back to work. She is looking into working part-time next year 2019. Will I still be alive January 2019? Death is sure but still unknown.

Well I suppose I will close to drift through the darkest night.

TIME has passed since I wrote the above shit. I was reading the above memoir 'I Will Be Complete' by Glen David Gold and a series of thoughts came to my mind that I would capture on this screen/diary entry that no one will read. I was thinking about spending eternity/endless ages in Hell realizing you fucked up your life and everybody that was in your life you fucked up/your whole entire life was a fuck up because you rejected God the King of Glory. I was thinking that my dead mother is now in eternity fully realizing she had fucked up her life and those she had given birth to. It must be horrible to know in Hell how you fucked up here on earth.
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