November 20th, 2016

North America

It is in the death flow 6:53 AM Sunday morning. I got up around 6:15 AM. I got a Sunday newspaper off the driveway and then ate a bowl of cereal. Now I am messing with our main computer. I should get myself a cup of coffee. I will drink the coffee I made last night for Carol. Why pour out a whole pot of coffee because it is old.

Last night I went to bed around 9:30 PM but could not fall asleep so I read the book, "The Rise And Fall Of the British Empire" by Lawrence James till I 10:32 PM. Now it is another day to scream into the Void.

Yesterday after getting back from the library used books store I basically dozed and sat in silence till my wife got up to get ready to go to work at 6:15 PM. I plan to do the same thing today, sit in silence. I am sick. I am weary of it all.

I will close to get a cup of coffee and then write some crap in my paper diary. Carol usually gets home from work around 9 o'clock AM. Existence keeps speeding into nothingness.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert

Psalm 102

[1] Hear my prayer, O LORD, and let my cry come unto thee.
[2] Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.
[3] For my days are consumed like smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth.
[4] My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread.
[5] By reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin.
[6] I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert.
[7] I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
[8] Mine enemies reproach me all the day; and they that are mad against me are sworn against me.
[9] For I have eaten ashes like bread, and mingled my drink with weeping,
[10] Because of thine indignation and thy wrath: for thou hast lifted me up, and cast me down.
[11] My days are like a shadow that declineth; and I am withered like grass.
[12] But thou, O LORD, shalt endure for ever; and thy remembrance unto all generations.
[13] Thou shalt arise, and have mercy upon Zion: for the time to favour her, yea, the set time, is come.
[14] For thy servants take pleasure in her stones, and favour the dust thereof.
[15] So the heathen shall fear the name of the LORD, and all the kings of the earth thy glory.
[16] When the LORD shall build up Zion, he shall appear in his glory.
[17] He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and not despise their prayer.
[18] This shall be written for the generation to come: and the people which shall be created shall praise the LORD.
[19] For he hath looked down from the height of his sanctuary; from heaven did the LORD behold the earth;
[20] To hear the groaning of the prisoner; to loose those that are appointed to death;
[21] To declare the name of the LORD in Zion, and his praise in Jerusalem;
[22] When the people are gathered together, and the kingdoms, to serve the LORD.
[23] He weakened my strength in the way; he shortened my days.
[24] I said, O my God, take me not away in the midst of my days: thy years are throughout all generations.
[25] Of old hast thou laid the foundation of the earth: and the heavens are the work of thy hands.
[26] They shall perish, but thou shalt endure: yea, all of them shall wax old like a garment; as a vesture shalt thou change them, and they shall be changed:
[27] But thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end.
[28] The children of thy servants shall continue, and their seed shall be established before thee.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative

the heart may be strengthened

It is now in the flow of Divine Providence 2:16 PM Sunday afternoon. I found the courage to go to a grocery store to buy food for Sunday dinner this afternoon. I am always amazed Carol and I have the financial meets to go buy food anytime we need food. Food to eat is such a blessing since we deserve nothing from the Lord's hands. His mercies are new every morning.

As I was driving up our driveway from going grocery shopping a mail lady delivered two books I had pre-ordered from Amazon. I received these two books-

"Called By Triune Grace: Divine Rhetoric and the Effectual Call" [Studies In Christian Doctrine And Scripture] by Jonathan Hogland

"The Message Of Spiritual Warfare" [The Bible Speaks Today] by Keith Ferdinando

I am right now down in the lower level drinking coffee and reading from a book I recently mentioned in a BookTube video titled, "Armilla Catechetica: A Chain of Principles" by John Arrowsmith [Westminster Assembly Facsimile Series]. I like to quote from this old book this afternoon-

"6. Yea but how manifest soever it be that when the flesh faileth the heart may be strengthened, how the heart it self should fail and yet be strengthened is not so evident. I am therefore to make it appear in the next place; that these two clauses, My heart faileth, and God is the strength of my heart, may both be verified at once without a paradox in different respects. By reason of remains of unbelief in the most regenerate on this side of heaven, when Satans temptations shall strike in with their corruptions, holy men may be induced in a fit of dejection because the Lord hath cast them down, to conceive and say he hath cast them off. David once said, I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Such fainting flows from not believing, such unbelief is much fomented by not considering that (as no outward blessing is good enough to be a sign of eternal Election, seeing God often filleth their bellies with hid treasure, who treasure up themselves wrath against the day of wrath, so) no temporal affliction is bad enough to be an evidence of Reprobation; seeing the dearest Son of Gods love was a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. Yet may the same heart at the same time be strengthened from another cause, namely God, who can easily can, and usually doth supply such effectual grace as is able to keep the head above water, when the rest of the body is under it, able to preserve the Spouse in a posture of leaning upon her beloved in a wilderness; to make one with Abraham believe in hope against hope, and say with Job, Though he kill me, yet will I trust in him. Faith can support when Nature shrinks; call God father when he frowns; and make some discovery of a sun through the darkest cloud. When it sees no light it may feel some influence, when it cannot close with a promise, it may lay hold upon an attribute, and be ready to make this profession, "Though both my flesh and my heart fail, yet divine compassions fail not. Though I can hardly discern at present either sun, or moon or stars, yet will I cast anchor in the dark, and ride it out till the day break. Time was when Jonah said, I am cast out of thy sight, but added with the same breath, yet will I look again toward thy holy temple; and presently after, when my soul fainted within me, I remembered the Lord, &c."
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative