September 14th, 2016

the process of death

It is in the flow of my solitary life 9:39 AM Wednesday morning. As I type these words I can hear a train whistle blowing/clear the tracks I am coming is what I hear the train whistle proclaiming. A couple of years ago a local college student stood in front of a train coming into town/what a way to die. It takes guts to stand on a railroad track waiting to get smashed by a speeding train. I hate to be the one to gather up the body parts after such a suicide. I remember many years ago when I was working at the Hamilton Farm Bureau Egg Division wanting to die. I absolutely hated working at the Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Pit! I was thinking about that this morning, having to get ready to work to a job that I absolutely hated. I hated that job so much that I wanted at times to die. I would tell people at work that I worked to speed up the process of death. I am so thankful that I do not have to work any more. I stopped working June 2007. It does bother me seeing my dear wife working, but she will soon be able to retire. Our lives are speeding by!

Carol told me this morning a motorcyclist came into ER with brain injuries due to slamming into a van. I remember several motorcyclist getting killed on the road I drove every day to work. It is sad to become road kill. My mother was killed in a car wreck December 1968. Life is so very short. In the mornings I glance at the obituary to see what ages the people had died. I am 64 years old. My days are numbered. Today is the day of salvation. My mother was 35 when she died and entered the world to come Hell or Heaven.

As a parent I wonder about the spiritual condition of our children/their mates/children. Will we all be in Heaven together someday when this world is destroyed by fire?

So the morning goes by. I have no plans for the day ahead of me. I might go to a grocery store this morning. I have to find something to cook for dinner this evening. Carol is off the next two nights from work.

Well I will close to drift. Existence keeps speeding by.

"[1] Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it.
[2] For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it.
[3] For we which have believed do enter into rest, as he said, As I have sworn in my wrath, if they shall enter into my rest: although the works were finished from the foundation of the world.
[4] For he spake in a certain place of the seventh day on this wise, And God did rest the seventh day from all his works.
[5] And in this place again, If they shall enter into my rest.
[6] Seeing therefore it remaineth that some must enter therein, and they to whom it was first preached entered not in because of unbelief:
[7] Again, he limiteth a certain day, saying in David, To day, after so long a time; as it is said, To day if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts.
[8] For if Jesus had given them rest, then would he not afterward have spoken of another day.
[9] There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
[10] For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.
[11] Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief." Hebrews 4:1-11
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    Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds 'Skeleton Tree'

old diary entry July 15, 2005

Posted on July, 15, 2005

the psychedelic experience[ edit | delete ]
July 15, 2005 | At: 2:38 PM | Permalink
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I am home from work. Somebody asked me recently what is the "egg pit"? The egg pit is the Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Division. I have been working at the egg pit around 12 years now. I think I just completed week 609 today at the bottom of the egg pit (I am a time tracker. I keep track of everything. I am recording my history. The history of a egg hauler.)

Work today was horrible to say the least. There were moments today as I worked I wanted to lay down and go to sleep. I felt completely spent today as I hauled steel carts of eggs from one place to another place. But thank the Lord it is the end of work week 609 and I can rest for two days. It is a blessing having a home to come to after suffering extreme pain at the bottom of the egg pit. It is a blessing to come home and take a hot shower and put on clean clothes. It is a blessing to come home to find a loving wife and a loving fur ball dog.

Carol and Beth are sleeping. I am recording my egg hauler existence.

I have no plans for the evening hours. I am sure soon I will be falling asleep. Last night I went to bed early. I got woke up around 11 o'clock with Carol coming to bed.

I put on the music of Slowdive to fall asleep to.

Last night I read some more of the book "The Closing Of The American Mind" by Allan Bloom. I am not sure the more I read this book if I like the author Allan Bloom?

Some folks might wonder why I bought the book "Can't Find My Way Home: America In The Great Stoned Age, 1945-2000" by Martin Torgoff? For one thing Torgoff has a chapter in the book discussing the Beat's use of drugs. Another reason why I bought this book is that I collect books on drugs especially LSD. I have next to me a bunch of books I grabbed after cleaning up-here is a list of books I just took off one of my book shelves---

"LSD: The Consciousness-Expanding Drug" Edited by David Solomon Introduction by Timothy Leary, Ph.D.

"THE PSYCHEDELIC EXPERIENCE: A Manual Based On The Tibetan Book Of The Dead" by Timothy Leary, Ph.D., Ralph Metzner, Ph.D. and Richard Alpert Ph.D.

"Storming Heaven: LSD And The American Dream" by Jay Stevens

"The Varieties of Psychedelic Experience" [The First Comprehensive Guide To The Effects of LSD On Human Personality] by R.E. L. Masters & Jean Houston, Ph.D.

"Psychedelic Drugs Reconsidered" by Lester Grinspoon & James B. Bakalar

On the same shelf these books on LSD were located were also these books (I love list of books!)

"Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter" by Simone de Beauoir

"Island" a novel by Aldous Huxley

"Selected Essays of Ralph Waldo Emerson" Edited With An Introduction by Larzer Ziff

"Narcissus and Goldmund" a novel by Hermann Hesse

"The Waste Land And Other Poems" by T.S. Eliot

"Generation X Tales For An Accelerated Culture"a novel by Douglas Coupland

I am interested in different states of consciousness. I believe in higher states of consciousness. I believe as a Christian that I have by God's grace obtained God consciousness. All things are one In Christ. "giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist" Colossians 1:12-17

I am interested in what takes place in us when we entry into a state of contemplation-contemplative stillness.

I am wasted and need to close to rest.

music: Jay Farrar "Sebastopol"

another old diary entry
http://crookedfingers.livejournal.com/996577.html
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    contemplative contemplative