June 8th, 2016

loving fire of contemplation

It is in the death flow 9:35 AM Wednesday morning Eastern Standard time. It is a cold cloudy sunny day here by Lake Michigan. As I write I feel wasted due to eating too much this morning. This morning my wife and I went out for breakfast. I ate two giant blueberry pancakes that left me feeling sick. I am use to only eating a small bowl of plain oatmeal in the morning. Also as I write these words I feel myself falling asleep. I should go for a walk in the mornings. My blood never moves due to me never walking or moving my body. I am too sedentary.

Carol is out walking the dog right now. She works tonight and then is off four nights.

I got up this morning around 6:05 AM. I had a typical morning. We went out for breakfast around 7 o'clock AM. This morning I have been reading THE DARK NIGHT by St. John of the Cross.

I have no plans for the day ahead of me. I suppose I will close since I am falling asleep as I type these words. There is no reason to wake up.

Yesterday is a blur. I mainly wandered my cell yesterday and read my books. Time went by. Now it is another day.
  • Current Music
    Ryan Adam self-titled

J. M. Coetzee & John Gardner Book Collection

In our library I have these books by J. M. Coetzee & John Gardner-

J. M. Coetzee Book Collectio-

"Diary of a Bad Year" a novel by J. M. Coetzee

"Boyhood: A Memoir" by J.M.Coetzee

"Slow Man" a novel by J.M. Coetzee

"Life & Times of Michael K" a novel by J.M. Coetzee

"Waiting for the Barbarians" a novel by J.M. Coetzee

"Foe" a novel by J. M. Coetzee

"Disgrace" a novel by J. M. Coetzee

"Age of Iron" a novel by J. M. Coetzee

"Elizabeth Costello" a novel by J. M. Coetzee

John Gardner Book Collection

"Mickelsson's Ghosts" A novel by John Gardner

"The Art Of Fiction: Notes On Craft For Young Writers" by John Gardner

"On Moral Fiction" by John Gardner

"The King's Indian: Stories & Tales" by John Gardner

"Nickel Mountain" a novel by John Gardner

"The Sunlight Dialogues" a novel by John Gardner

"Freddy's Book" a novel by John Gardner

"Grendel" by John Gardner

"The Life and Times of Chaucer" biography by John Gardner

"October Light" a novel by John Gardner

"The Art Of Living and Other Stories" by John Gardner

Gardner was killed in a motorcycle accident about two miles from his home in Susquehanna County, Pennsylvania on Tuesday, September 14, 1982. State Police said that at about 2:30 pm Gardner completed a curve on Route 92 about 3 mi (4.8 km) north of Oakland, when he lost control of his 1979 Harley-Davidson, went into the dirt shoulder, and then was thrown from the motorcycle. He was pronounced dead at Barnes-Kasson Hospital in Susquehanna.[10][11] Gardner's fiancée, Susan Thornton, stated that Gardner had been drinking the night before the accident.[12] An autopsy revealed Gardner had a blood alcohol level of 0.075; the legal limit for driving at the time was 0.08.[12] Thornton also mentioned exhaustion from overwork as a contributing factor, and that the curve on Route 92 had been freshly-oiled gravel.[12]:267 The crash was four days before his planned marriage to Thornton.[12]:269 He was buried next to his brother Gilbert in Batavia's Grandview Cemetery."

  • Current Music
    Howls of ebb 'Cursus Impasse'

the communication of God's secrets

It is in the death flow 5:11 PM Wednesday evening. Anther day has gone down the drain. Right now I am down in the lower level messing with my books. I got into two stacks my John Gardner books and my J. M. Coetzee books. Late this afternoon I started reading Coetzee's novel "Diary of a Bad Year".

I had a super quiet day reading my books and wandering my cell. I read from these books today-

THE DARK NIGHT by St. John of the Cross

"The Novel: A Biography" by Micheal Schmidt

"Ghost Milk: Recent Adventures Among The Future Ruins of London On The Eve of The Olympics" by Iain Sinclair

Carol goes back to work tonight so I will spend the evening reading my books. I love to read. I see reading as a meaningful way to kill time as I wait for my certain death. I hate to think I am wasting time. We are redeem time not waste it.

So I wanted to quote from Jeremiah Burrough's treatise WALKING WITH GOD this evening.

"The Seventh Excellency" (on walking with God)

The seventh benefit or excellency there is in walking with God is this, the communication of God's secrets. He that walks with God shall come to know the mind of God. It's impossible for a man to take delight in walking with another without discovering secrets from him. There's never any true friendship where there is not a closeness of spirit, but where there is true friendship, they will take one another and walk together and open their hearts to each other. This is comfortable walking, indeed, and thus it is in walking with God. This is the blessing if it that such souls have the secrets of God revealed to them. They come to know much of the mind of God. Though they are weak in their natural parts, yet they come to know much of God's mind because they are with God.

We read in Proverbs 13:20 that the Holy Ghost said, He that walketh with wise men shall be wise. Then what shall he be who walks with God? Surely if there is wisdom to be learned from walking with God. 'Tis from hence that men who are weak in parts have come to such an excellent knowledge in great mysteries of the gospel, and you wonder at it. You see a lowly servant, who only awhile ago could understand nothing at all, yet now he understands the great mysteries of the gospel beyond the learning of many great scholars. How does this come to pass? He walks with the God of wisdom, and the God of wisdom delights to let Himself out to him, to open His heart to him. These men come to know the counsels of God because they walk with Him.

Those Christians that keep close to God in holy conversation with Him, certainly come to know more of the mind of God than others do. Others who walk loosely know little of the great mysteries of the gospel. They may talk something of them, but they do not have spiritual insight into the great mysteries of the gospel as do those that walk with God." pg. 177,178 Jeremiah Burroughs
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    Skaphe self-titled