December 22nd, 2015

the upright behold His countenance

I am down in the lower level writing on one of our lap top computers. I came down here to rest on this dreary Tuesday morning. I got up too early this morning and therefore right now I feel like crap. I got up early because I was having weird head pounding dreams. I could not shake off the weird dream activity so I got up with the knowledge I could go back to bed anytime today. I can always come down Here and sleep. We have a queen size bed down in the lower level (our old bed). "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" Hebrews 13:4.

So I got up this morning to find my wife in the living room reading her Bible (she had gotten up this morning around 4 o'clock AM-she went to bed real early last night). I sat in our dining room waking up to another day. Next I got a cup of coffee and messed with our main computer. After messing with our main computer I made myself oatmeal for breakfast. Carol left this morning to have breakfast with one of her nieces downtown Holland MI.

While my wife was gone I wrote in my paper diary and read my Reformation commentary on Psalm 17. "Keep me as the apple of Your eye; Hide me under the shadow of Your wings" Ps. 17:8.

Carol got home around 9:30 AM and is now making food to take to a friend who is dying.

I am down here struggling to stay conscious. Last night I mainly read these two books late into the night-

"Monkey's Uncle" a novel by Jenny Diski

"The Sixties" a memoir by Jenny Diski

Last night I came down here in the lower level to mess with my books. I looked at these books last night also-

"For a Night of Love" three stories by Emile Zola

"The Portable Sixties Reader" Edited with an Introduction by Ann Charters

"Postmodern Sublime: Technology And American Writing From Mailer To Cyberpunk" by Joseph Tabbi

"My Brilliant Friend" a novel by Elena Ferrante

"The Book of Disquiet" by Fernando Pessoa

Well there is not much else to report this morning. I did order last night from Amazon the edited journals of the poet John Wieners. I will close to look at my books. There is no way out.

"In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge. The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death" Proverbs 14:26,27
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The Weekends Gift Box

It is in the death flow 4:57 PM Tuesday late afternoon. It is already getting dark this time of day. Is it late afternoon or early evening? Weird.

I had a normal day thus far. Carol left this afternoon to take fresh soup to a friend who is dying of cancer. We knew this Christian family when we were members of Messiah Independent Reformed Church here in this area. The wife is dying at home hear her husband and two sons. One son is married with no children. It is real sad for me to know the husband is watching his wife slowly die. I can't begin to fathom the sorrow this husband is experiencing each day. All I can do is pray for this family. The family is Christian so the Lord is near giving grace/dying grace. So Carol is with this family bringing them a hot meal and giving support. My wife has seen a lot of death as a nurse and can be of comfort to the dying. Whereas I collapse when I am near death. I would like to visit this family but the sorrow would be too painful for me to bear/face. I am weak whereas my wife is strong when face to face with death/dying process.

I did leave the house late this morning to visit two local thrift stores. I found only two used books to add to our library today-

"The Meaning Of Jesus: Two Visions" by Marcus J. Borg & N.T. Wright

"On Beauty" a novel by Zadie Smith

I have been looking at this evening a book titled, "The Consumer" by M. Gira. I listened to a review of this book last night in YouTube. From this video I discovered this book is worth around $200.00 dollars. M. Gira is a musician and lead singer of the group the Swans.

YouTube review "The Consumer" by M. Gira

I do not know what we will do this evening. We received in the mail a gift box of goodies from Zingerman's/a Christmas gift from Andy, Beth, Louisa and Margaret. We also received a book gift card from Caleb, Emily, & Josephine Joy yesterday in the mail. We are wondering what our son Josiah and his wife Hannah got for us for Christmas this year.

The last book I attempted to read today was titled, "Old Testament Theology" Volume Three "Israel's Life" by John Goldingay.

Well, I will close to go into the darkness. There is no way of escape. "As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness" Psalm 17:15
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