August 7th, 2015

tormented love

It is in the flow of time on a late summer Friday morning eastern standard time 9:40 AM. Outside the sun is shining.

I got up this morning around 5:30 AM. I got up because I was having a weird Pentecostal religious dream. In this dream a group of Pentecostals were teaching that barking like a dog was a spiritual experience that every born again Christian had to experience in order to be truly saved. I sought in the dream to prove to these Pentecostals from the Bible that barking like a dog was not an experience all Christians must experience. In the dream a Pentecostal showed me in the Bible these letters PPP which he said was translated, 'barking'. In the dream I was totally blown away by the stupidity of these Pentecostals! I was speechless with rage at these Pentecostals ignorance! I told these group of Pentecostals that I had gone to Bible College and Seminary and had never came across such a teaching in the Bible. In the dream I was so frustrated that I was breathless/I was yelling in a horse whisper to these religious fanatics. The dream was very upsetting so I woke myself up to face life. I can not escape life. I am trapped. In seven years if I do not die I will be 70 years old. My life is coming to a close.

This morning when Carol got up we had oatmeal for breakfast and then we went to grocery shopping. When we got home from food gathering Carol left to go downtown to a sidewalk sale to buy new shoes for work.

Carol leaves this morning to go east of the state to our granddaughter's baptism/Josie Joy's baptism. She is being baptized into the Catholic Church. Our daughter-in-law Emily's uncle is a Catholic priest, he is performing the sacrament of baptism. I was baptized in a American Baptist Church in the year 1970/Richmond, California. Carol was baptized as an infant in the year 1953 Holland, Michigan. My wife grew up in the Christian Reformed Church here in Holland. Michigan.

So the morning goes by. This afternoon my friend Brother Tim is stopping by to visit.

The day will go by. I will close to wait it out.
  • Current Music
    Chelsea Wolfe "Abyss'

Chelsea Wolfe - Maw



Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?

In the man
Shattered teeth
Underneath a
Dripping tongue

I've been waiting
In this silence
While you're sleeping
Until you believe
Where are you?
Where are you?

In the maw
In a world so dirty
Intoxicated
A life of tears
In the maw
A world in a daze
None can be trusted
In the mouth of the beast

I've been waiting
In this silence
While you're sleeping
Until you believe

I've been waiting
In this silence
I'm on fire
I'm on fire
  • Current Music
    Chelsea Wolfe 'Abyss'

abandonment issues

It is in the flow of Friday 8/7/2015 Michigan state time. I had thus far a normal day. My friend Brother Tim showed up here around 1:15 PM and we talked till 4:45 PM. Tim left and I cooked food for dinner. After dinner I put away my paper diary and now I am writing some words in my blogs.

Carol left for the eastern part of Michigan around 11 o'clock AM this morning. She did not find any shoes at the downtown sidewalk sale this morning. My wife runs all night at her job as a Rapid Response Nurse at a local community hospital. She averages running five miles a night on her job. She runs all over the hospital doing a million different things. My wife is always on the go. As for me it is hard for me to move from one place to the next. I am lost in the cloud of unknowing.

Before Tim stopped by for a visit this afternoon I went to Family Fare to pick up a prescription and then drove across the street to a Goodwill Thrift store to look at their used books. I found three used books to ADD to our library.

"Master Georgie" a novel by Beryl Bainbridge

"Nine" a novel by Andrzej Stasiuk (Translated from the Polish by Bill Johnson)

"The Collected Poems" Reynolds Price (We have in our library two novels by Reynolds Price.)

Carol called around 1 o'clock PM to reassure me she made it to Emily's parents house in Eastern Michigan (We live in West Michigan.)

I really have not gotten around to reading anything this evening. I am out of it mentally. I plan to go to bed early this evening. I read before going to bed last night from a book titled, "Beyond the Stony Mountains: Nature In The American West From Lewis And Clark To Today" by Daniel B. Botkin. I got out this evening to look at a book titled, "Undaunted Courage: Meriwether Lewis, Thomas Jefferson, And The Opening Of The American West" by Stephen E. Ambrose. Several years ago I read Ambrose's book on the Lewis And Clark Expedition.

Well I will close to face what comes next. Tomorrow Carol drives home in the morning and I go back to the library book nook to volunteer from 10 AM till 1 PM. No way out of the cage.

books new and used 8/7/2015

wildflowers
  • Current Music
    Abyssal 'Antikatastaseis'