July 25th, 2015

decrepit humans who were window-shopping discounted comics and plastic space monsters

It is in the flow of decay 7 o'clock AM Saturday morning. Outside this morning it is humid and cloudy. Last night I shut up my cage and turned on the central air system. It is a blessing having a cool cage in a world on fire with lust and hate.

I got up this morning around 6 o'clock AM. I have been drinking coffee made yesterday. I made myself for breakfast a bowl of oatmeal. I weigh these days 215 lbs. I am thinking of not eating when my wife leaves for Washington. I will sit in my cage and do nothing but wait for the sun to turn blood red.

This morning I once again volunteer at the Herrick District Public Library used books store from 10 AM till 1 PM.

Last night I read "American Smoke" and watched on YouTube a Ryan Adams concert. I went to bed around 11:10 PM and now it is another day. We are coming to the end of July 2015. We are coming to the end of another year in world history.

Well I will close to write some more shit in my paper diary. We never know when we will be called Home.

I should mention before I close down that I got out these two books to look at.

"Under The Volcano" a novel by Malcolm Lowry

"Pursued By Furies: A Life of Malcolm Lowry" by Gordon Bowker
  • Current Music
    Tombs 'Path Of Totality'

I found yage in Cuzco Indian mercado

It is in the heat wave 1:57 PM Saturday afternoon. I am home from the library book nook. Once again the book nook was not busy so I read and wandered the store till another volunteer showed up to take my place. While at the book nook I mainly read from a book titled, "I Greet You At The Beginning Of A Great Career: The Selected Correspondence of Lawrence Ferlinghetti And Allen Ginsberg 1955-1997" Edited by Bill Morgan.

I brought home from the book nook two used books to add to our library.

"The Coming Of The Third Reich" by Richard J. Evans

"Midnight In Europe" a novel by Alan Furst

On the way home from the book nook I stopped at a thrift shop to look at their used books. There were no interesting used books to purchase for our library. After checking out this thrift store I came home to recover. I am still feeling sick from my gallbladder surgery. I ate lunch at the library so when I got home I did not eat a meal. Nothing came in the mail for me this afternoon. Outside right now it is hot and dry. It is a blessing to have central air when it is hot and ugly outside.

Well I will close to feel out of it. I will seek to recover from my recent gallbladder operation.
  • Current Music
    Abyssal 'Antikatastaseis'

death is a letter that was never sent

It is in the heat flow 4:17 PM Saturday afternoon. Outside it is 81 degrees and dry. I keep expecting a fire to break out in our neighborhood. I wish it would rain so as to cut down the risk of a wild fire. I hate to see our home burned down to the ground. I know one day the earth will be set on fire, but please not this little cell in the Wasteland.

I had a normal time at the library book nook (used books store ) this morning. I sold only eight dollars of used materials.

While at the book nook a young girl came in named Megan. Megan came in the store to get two used books I said I had that she needed/long story. I told Megan the best way to find used books is to visit used bookstores and thrift stores. I do not know why Megan did not go on searching herself for the books she was looking for.

Megan and I talked for awhile and then she left. I feel sorry for young people these days, because there is so little to look forward to. You go to college and when you are done you are in massive debt the rest of your life. The American Dream is now buried and no longer a reality. So why go on in America when you will never have anything but debt? I suppose you keep going because you have to keep going. It is all totally insane, but American society is insane. Every day we read in the News insane Americans killing someone or a crowd of people. Americans now walk around waiting to be gunned down by some insane person. You go to see a movie and a mad person is ready to kill you. You go to church to worship God and someone is there ready to kill you. You sit on your porch and someone drives by your house and shoots you. It is all insane!

This afternoon our son Josiah called to talk to his mother. He wanted to talk to his mother to find out what she wants to do when she is visiting them (Joe and Hannah) next week in the state of Washington. I told Joe is mother was sleeping and would not be up for another couple of hours.

I have been wandering the house feeling sick inside. I am still recovering from having my gallbladder torn out of me Tuesday morning. My body is racked with pain. I have holes all over my body where I was cut open. I have been praying for healing all this week.

I have been reading from these books this afternoon when not in pain.

“I Greet You At The Beginning Of A Great Career: The Selected Correspondence Of Lawrence Ferlinghetti And Allen Ginsberg 1955-1997″ Edited By Bill Morgan

“The Letters Of Allen Ginsberg” Edited by Bill Morgan

“Jack Kerouac And Allen Ginsberg: The Letters” Edited By Bill Morgan And David Stanford

“The Selected Letters of Allen Ginsberg and Gary Snyder” Edited by Bill Morgan

So existence goes by. Carol goes back to work tonight. I will lay low waiting for healing tonight. Tomorrow is a Sunday, the last Sunday of July 2015.

  • Current Music
    Machine Head 'The Blackening'

Fall of America

It is now in the flow of this day in my life in West Michigan 7:30 PM. Carol just left to take a pink rose to an old lady friend and then to work. My wife has an old woman friend named Pam who is 90 years old. Right now Pam is recovering from a broken arm at a local Rest Home/Rehab center.

I have not done much since I last wrote here. When you get my age you tend to lose track of time and wait for the Angel of Death to fly over.

It is too early to go to bed so here I sit in the computer light writing words. I have already put away my paper diary for the day. I should hit this month in my paper diary Page 600. Well I might hit page 600 the first week of August 2015. I have been writing in a diary since I was 18 years old. But I do not think I really started writing all the time till I was in my early 20's. I do know for a fact that every day of our marriage I have written something in my diary. I envy people who have diaries they wrote when they were children or teenagers.

I have been reading this evening once again the novel, "Almanac Of The Dead" by Leslie Marmon Silko. This novel is 763 pages long and I am on page 291 right now. I have been reading this novel off and on for a year now. One can read this novel over a long space of time because it is in parts/sections dealing with different characters. Right now I am not sure how all the stories fit together or how all the characters fit together. But I will keep reading this novel at least for a couple more days. I did start this evening to read a new novel I bought recently titled, "The Book Of Strange New Things" by Michael Faber. I did take down into the lower level a ton of books this afternoon. Right now my mind refuses to function at a high level. I am out of it. I am going to have a birthday soon and my mind is processing that fact/I am getting oldier/my days are numbered.

I have too many books to read and no space inside my head to grasp it all.

Well I will close to wash the dinner dishes and take my daily hot shower. I might write some more later since I need to get all off my chest before the bell tolls.
  • Current Music
    Abyssal 'Antikatastaseis'

you brainwashed your millions of readers

It is 9:59 PM Saturday night. I am down in the lower level looking at these two books.

"I Greet You At The Beginning Of A Great Career: The Selected Correspondence of Lawrence Ferlinghetti And Allen Ginsberg 1955-1997" Edited by Bill Morgan.

"The Letters Of Allen Ginsberg" Edited by Bill Morgan

I will quote from these two volumes tonight. At the library used books store I read a letter by Ginsberg to Ferlinghetti where he writes that at a Poetry Reading Time when reporting on the poetry reading distorted what actually took place. I will quote from this letter written on February 17, 1959.

". . . God, reporters all over, asking the same questions and no end in sight, it's getting stranger and stranger, life. Beginning to get invites from TV programs but have been holding out for scene where I can read poetry rather than discuss Beatnikism. The world is really mad. That Time account of Chicago was so wrongly done I wonder what they do to politics. No wonder there are wars. . ." pg. 91

This afternoon at home I was reading, "The Letters Of Allen Ginsberg" and found a letter written to Time magazine by Allen Ginsberg voicing how upset he was on how they distorted what took place at this Chicago Poetry reading.

"Allen Ginberg [New York, NY] to Editors of Time [New York, NY] February 17, 1959


Your account of our incarnation in Chicago was cheap kicks for you who have sold your pens for money and have no fate left but idiot mockery of the muse that must work in poverty in an America already doomed by materialism.

You suppressed knowledge that the Chicago Review's winter issue was censored by the University of Chicago; that the editors had resigned to publish the material under the name Big Table; that we offered our bodies and poetry to raise money to help publish the magazine; we left Chicago in the penury in which we had come.

You quoted what was charming in our speech out of context; you altered chronology of the evening of the party; your ignored the main event the reading at the Sherman Hotel, which was a religious intellectual exposition of poetry's truth; you perverted the beauty of Orlvosky's tears; you mocked the reports of your own employees on the scene who were moved by the reading; you spat on the appearance of the soul of poetry in America at a time when America needs that soul most; you brainwashed your millions of readers.

What you do to pervert the significance of larger public events which I do not witness I now can know: you are an instrument of the Devil and crucify America with your lies: you are the war-creating Whore of Babylon and would be damned were you not mercifully destined to be swallowed by oblivion with all created things.

Allen Ginsberg, Peter Orlovsky, Gregory Corso"

I like read Ginsberg's letters from different volumes so as to get a wider perspective on what was going on at the time he wrote the letters/get more information.

It is 10:26 PM I will close to go to bed. I feel awful, but maybe I will feel like a million bucks.

  • Current Music
    Locrian 'Infinite Dissolution'