April 19th, 2015

a member of the Weimar Republic's Jazz-Age generation

It is 6:52 AM Sunday morning in the flow of existence. I got up around 6:33 AM. Outside I can see rosy clouds where the sun comes up. I woke up this morning due to having an intense religious dream. I had one of those dreams where I explain the Gospel of Christ to someone. I know I never will preach or teach the Bible again. I can remember the last time I shared with someone the Good News. Right now due to my dead state inside/brain dead I can not get into my religious books. There also no new religious books for me to buy that might turn me on. I have a ton of religious books I have bought in the last year and they are gathering dust. The problem is that what I need to know as a Christian I know. I do not need any more intellectual knowledge. I need to just sit in silence before the Lord/contemplative silence.

I have no plans for the day ahead of me. Yesterday I basically read when not feeling like crap inside. I did not go anywhere yesterday after volunteering at the Herrick District Public Library used books store from 10 AM till 1 PM. At the book nook I read when not helping people with their used items, "A Diary Of The Century" by Edward Robb Ellis. I brought home from the book nook one used book to add to our library, "House" a novel by Marilynne Robinson. We have three other books by Marilynne Robinson in our library.

Yesterday I ordered from Amazon a used edition of a book titled, "Edith Sitwell" biography by Victoria Glendinning.

When I got home from the book nook yesterday I found Carol cooking food for lunch. I ate lunch and then wrote in my paper diary.

Carol slept during the afternoon hours. I spent yesterday basically out of it. I sat around the house feeling brain dead/could not get into anything so I sat. I did read yesterday from these books when I was able to read, "The Gray Notebook" by Josep Pla and "Quicksands: A Memoir" by Sybille Bedford.

I went to bed early last night with my wife. After music I read "Quicksands" till I get sleepy. Now it is another day. Carol is still getting over a bad cold. Thus far I am not super sick, but I might have a slight cold bug. I might be fighting off a cold and that is why I feel the way I do right now.

Well I will close to go through another day. Wait it out. No way out. Existence keeps decaying.

I do find my mind going back to my Past these days. When I get close to a major life event I find my mind looking over the years of my short life. Next month Carol and I celebrate our 36th wedding anniversary and I find my mind going back to my years before I met Carol. I have spent most of my conscious life with Carol. My conscious life before I was married was short. For many years I lived in a false reality.
  • Current Music
    Sharon Van Etten 'Are We There'

it is a broken world

It is in the flow of history 5:45 PM Sunday night. Outside this evening it is raining. Rain drops are smashing again the window on my right. When I look out our right window I see across the way a neighbor's house and a large green backyard. I can see many trees from our right window. The city of Holland where we are living out our existence is a city of trees. Sad to write the city has been cutting down its trees more and more of the years. I can see Holland being treeless in a hundred years.

I had another super quiet day. I took a nap from 1 o'clock PM till 4 o'clock PM. I think I have been fighting off a cold. I feel slightly sick to my stomach and find myself feeling extremely tired these days.

Today I have been mainly reading "Quicksands: A Memoir" by Sybille Bedford.

The week ahead for me looks barren of any meaningful activity, which is cool with me. I am content going nowhere or doing anything. I am waiting it out in my cell. I have eternity stretching before me in all its divine beauty.

Well I suppose I will close to wait to go to bed. There is nothing on TV worth watching these days. I will read my books and go to bed early. Existence keeps decaying.

american golden finch
american golden finch

american golden finch
  • Current Music
    Superchunk 'Indoor Living'