It is 11:48 AM Sunday morning in the flow of existence. It is 63 degrees and sunny today here in West Michigan. A good day for something.
I got up this morning around 8 o'clock AM. I have been sleeping in late these days because there is nothing. I got up made a pot of coffee and messed with our main computer. After messing with our main computer I wrote in my paper diary. I have been wandering the house this morning and reading from these books-
"On Contemplating God, Prayer & Meditations" by William of St Thierry
"The Golden Epistle" by William of St Thierry
"Carthusian Spirituality: The Writings Of Hugh Of Balma And Guigo De Ponte" [The Classics of Western Spirituality]
Last night I watched some college football and read "Flaubert" biography by Bart. I went to bed early because there was nothing.
Carol finally called me around 11:45 AM. She went to church with Emily this morning on the campus of Boston College. Carol and I had nothing to talk about.
I have nothing to do this afternoon. Existence keeps decaying. There is no way out.
Lately I have trying to remember all the places I have lived in the 62 years I have been existing. I was born in Oakland, California so I must have lived there as a baby. I do not know how long my mother and I lived in Oakland Calif. Sometime after I was born my mother moved to the East Coast. I think when I was a small boy I lived with my Aunt in a trailer court I think in Maryland not really sure. Next I remember living with my mother's father in a basement in Washington D.C..
I next remember living in a trailer court and my brother Mike being born. My brother Mike never know his father like me. So that makes four places I can remember when I was either four or five. I am five years older than Mike.
I next remember remembering living in Maryland and my mother being married to a fellow named Earl Inman. Earl was in the Navy. I remember going to Nursery School. I do not remember my brother Mike but he must have been around. After Maryland I remember us living in Norfolk Virginia. My mother was still married to Earl. It must have been in the late 1950's when we lived in Norfolk Virginia. I can remember living in three different houses when my mother was married to Earl. My sister Robin and brother Robert were born when my mother was married to Earl. Sometime around the time Robert was born my mother got divorced from Earl. I figure my mother was married to Earl maybe four and five years. There was times when Robin and Robert lived with Earl. In time my mother got back Robin but not Robert. I have not seen Robert since he was either two or three years old (Robert as far as I know lives in Texas and is married.).
After my mother Valeria got divorced from Earl we moved around. I can remember during those early years living in at least two places before my mother sent me, my brother Mike and Robin to go live with my Aunt and Uncle in Oregon. I was nine years old when my mother for some reason sent us to live in Oregon while she stayed in Virginia to get her shit together. Earl my sister Robin's father flew to Oregon and got her. Since Earl always hate Mike and I he left us to live with my alcoholic Aunt and Uncle Cook and three sons (somehow my mother got Robin back but never Robert back there in Virginia.)
My Aunt and Uncle Cook while Mike and I were living with them in poverty moved in the San Francisco Area California. Around when I turned 10 years old my mother had gotten remarried to a fellow named Tom (who was in the Navy) and sent for Mike and I. My mother and her new husband at that time was living in a small rural town in Virginia. The town must have been near a Navy base because my step-father Tom worked on this base as a carpenter.
So how many places did I live by the age I was ten years old? Maybe 11 places I can remember. Also remember all different elementary schools I attended growing up. I can remember all the elementary schools I attended as a child.
Going back to living in Virginia with a new step-father Tom my little sister Danielle was born in Norfolk Virginia. I can remember living in one place there in Virginia before Tom got transferred to Los Angeles Calif. So me, Mike, Robin, Danielle, my mother and Tom moved to the West Coast. Soon after we got established in Los Angeles my mother divorced Tom. I figure maybe my mother was married to Tom maybe three or four years. I think it was around 1963 or 1964 I was living in Los Angeles. I remember the assassination of J. F. Kennedy happening just before we moved out to the West Coast.
After my mother divorced Tom my mother worked in bars as a bar maid. We moved around a lot. I can remember living in five or six different places before my mother was killed in Dec. 1968 in a car wreck. So let's say by the time I was 16 years old I had lived in 16 to 17 different homes and apartments. Do not remember all different schools I attended during those years.
My step-fathers Earl and Tom flew out to Los Angeles Calif. to get their kids. Earl took Robin back to Virginia and Tom took Danielle. Since my brother Mike and I had no fathers we were left to go live once again with my Aunt Cook. By this time my Uncle Cook had died from something I do not remember. My Aunt was still an alcoholic when Mike and I flew up to the San Francisco Bay Area. I did not live with my Aunt for long (a long story) I lived with two different foster families while in High School (1968-1970). After High School I lived with a single fellow I met at the church I was attending. That makes 20 places I lived by the time I was 18 years old. I attended three different High Schools.
From the years 1970 till 1978 I lived no where. I will list some of the places I slept during those years-college dorm, Christian communes, out in the woods in a shack, couches, girlfriends, an apartment, and a Rescue Mission (I was on staff at the Richmond Rescue Mission, Richmond Calif back in the early 1970's).
I left the Richmond Rescue Mission lived in different places but not any place I called home.
I married Carol in 1979 Grand Rapids Michigan. Before we moved to Holland Mich. going on 24 years ago we lived in six different places. So let's say I have lived before living in this house 26 to 27 different places and unknown places where I slept that were not home to me just someplace to lay down.
Well I am sure I do not remember every place I have lived in over my 62 years.
It is 5:02 PM Sunday evening. I have basically wandered the house today at a lost what to do with myself. I thought of taking Rudy for a walk someplace but not in the mood to go drive someplace on a Sunday afternoon. So I have been wandering the house waiting for nightfall. I also thought about going to get something to eat, but can't find a solid reason to go out for a meal. There is food in the house to eat if I must eat something. I am not into food.
I did watch this afternoon some professional football and a movie on TV. Now I am down in our basement reading "On Contemplation" by Guigo De Ponte. I will quote what I read in "On Contemplation" to kill some time. My life is not reality, but what one reads in the treatise "On Contemplation" is reality.
"Chapter Eight: The Third Requirement, Namely, a Method of Implementation: Avoiding Exterior Affairs; with Some Additional Comments on the Vision of God
To make the image of God (the human soul) pure and free to wait in attendance on her Creator, she must abstain as much she legitimately can from exterior actions. As Gregory says, "The spirit cannot be led away to contemplate heavenly things unless she earnestly withdraws from the things that entangle her externally." Thus the person thirsting for contemplation of God should avoid external matters, for unless he does he will be so full of the spectrum of worldly fantasies that he will never have a heart quieted and serene, ready with a pure, spiritual taste to receive the purest subject matter mentioned above. As the Scripture says, A satiated soul will despise honey (Prv 27:7). A satiated soul despises honey when, having fallen for and being full of external cares and busyness, she tastes no spiritual sweetness in the divine things she handles, reads, or listens to. Soon the loathing she feels in her spirit tramples down divine delights. For this reason it is essential, as far as human necessity permits, to abstain from all other preoccupations whatsoever.
Constant spiritual solicitude is also essential so that, filled with the gift of knowledge and understanding and invigorated by the vital flow of grace, we might persist in learning the aforementioned divine material subtly and spiritually-according to each person's potential." pg. 204,205 Guigo De Ponte