July 12th, 2014

the idea of eternal consciousness within the dead corpse

It is 7:44 AM Saturday in the flow of world history. There is no history in the New Creation. I have a personal history. I am waking up to the last day of this week. Tomorrow is the first day of a new week. When I was working I always considered Sunday not a day of rest, but the first day of another work week. For me when I was working I considered Saturday from 8 AM to Noon my day off from work. I usually feel exhausted in the afternoons and during the evening hours I am waiting to go to bed. I do not enjoy going to bed at night. I hate the habit of sleeping. I hate the habit of being awake also. I can not win.

This morning I once again volunteer at the Herrick Public Library used books store from 10 AM till 1 PM. I might mow our lawn this afternoon. I have surrendered to the fact we will never have a perfect lawn or a perfect life. It is oppressive constantly living with the fact we will never have perfection in this earthly existence. I constantly dream of having perfect floors in our house. I dream of a perfect door opening into our living space. I read books to keep my mind from realizing just how ugly everything is in this dead world.

Last I listened to music and watched television. I went to bed at Midnight last night. I had weird dreams all night. Now it is another day to suffer being awake.

I want to write soon about fatherhood. The first thing I tell people about me is that I never had a father. I never knew my father. I never had a father and son relationship. I never really had a mother and son relationship. I found it strange being a father when our three kids were growing up. I tried super hard to be a good Christian father. I am sure I failed being a father. Now I am a Grandfather. It is all beyond me to comprehend being a father and now a Grandpa. I pray our children will forgive me for being a terrible Dad. Was I a terrible Dad? No I think in my own way I was a good Dad. Of course I could have been a better Dad. It is painful living with ones imperfections. I am saved by the blood of Jesus is my only comfort in life and in death.

Well I suppose I will close to wake up to this day. There is no way of escape.
  • Current Music
    Morrissey "Years Of Refusal"

LiveJournal entry #17,000

I am home from the Herrick Public Library used books store. The used books store was not super busy today. I sold $18.00 dollars worth of used materials. I brought home these used books from the book nook today.

"The Alienist" a novel by Caleb Carr

"The Angel Of Darkness" a novel by Caleb Carr

"The House Of Rothschild: Money Prophets 1798-1848" by Niall Ferguson

"Indignation" a novel by Philip Roth

"Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest Of Dr. Paul Farmer, A Man Who Would Cure The World" by Tracy Kidder

While at the book nook today when not helping people I read, "Austerlitz" a novel by W. G. Sebald [Translated By Anthea Bell].

When I got home from the library book nook this afternoon I ate lunch and wrote in my paper diary. It is raining outside right now. We turned on the central air system today due to the humid wet weather we are having today.

Well I will close to drift through the afternoon.
  • Current Music
    Lambchop "Damaged"