June 1st, 2014

central air system

It is 11:06 AM late Sabbath morning. I use to observe the Christian Sabbath. I no longer believer we are to obey the Old Testament Torah. To me all days are to be kept holy. I live right now in the Eternal Sabbath. I am in the Eternal Rest because I am in the Lord Jesus Christ. I do not know if there is to be set aside each week a day of worship. What does it mean to worship God? I do remember these words of the Lord Jesus, "But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth" John 4:23,24.

The other night when we were having dinner at a local Mexican joint with friends of Carol's they asked me why I stopped going to church meaning Covenant PCA (these folks also had stopped attending Covenant PCA). I answered that I stopped going to Covenant PCA for several reasons-
1. If I was to go to church on Sunday to hear maybe one or two sermons. The rest of the week I would have no personal involvement with the church.
2. I stopped going to Covenant PCA because we were receiving no spiritual oversight.
3. I do not agree theologically with Covenant PCA. I am no longer orthodox according to the PCA. Why sit under preaching that I do not agree with theologically. I am no longer strictly Calvinistic.
4. I stopped going to Covenant PCA because I could not relate to the people attending this church. We lived in different worlds intellectually and spiritually.
5. I stopped going to church because it was too painful. I can't go to church because it reminds me how empty the world is. You expect the church world to be radically different than the pagan world, but it is not. In America Christianity has become secularized.
6. I need to protect myself from being furthered damaged by the American evangelical world.

So here I sit on a Sunday while people all around me are in church singing the praises of God.

This morning I feel wasted. I feel like I hardly slept last night. Last night I shut up the house and turned on our central air system. I like a cold tomb.

Carol has come home from work and gone to bed for the day. Well she is off tonight so she will get up in time to attend the evening worship service at Covenant PCA.

Last night I read and watched TV for one hour. I went to bed around 11 o'clock PM. I got up this morning around 6 o'clock AM. Existence keeps decaying. Well I will close to feel out of it. No way out.
  • Current Music
    Eyehategod "Southern Discomfort"

VanRaalte Farm County Park

This morning I trapped another chipmunk in our chipmunk trap. So I once again drove to VanRaalte Farm county park and set the little creature free. While at VanRaalte Farm I took a long walk around the park and took some pictures. I also shot a little video of the creek that runs through the county park while walking. At the creek was a family, the kids were trying to catch frogs.

  • Current Music
    Wovenhand "Refractory Obdurate"


It is 2:18 PM Sunday afternoon. I have a headache this afternoon. I am tired, but do not want to take a nap. I sleep better if I do not take a nap in the afternoon. It is painful trying to stay awake during the afternoon. Right now I am out of it mentally. My mind is somewhere else these days. I find myself reliving my Past lately. I am always thinking about the Past. What went wrong? What went right? Life is mysterious.

This morning I wrote about me not joining Covenant Presbyterian Church in America. I have been a Christian 44 years old. I went to church for over 37 years. Over the years as a Christian I have attended many churches. I am not against going to church. I wish I had a church to go to on Sundays. In the past I looked for a church to go to on Sundays and found none that I could join with a good conscience. When I have shared with some Christians my reasons for not going to church they have accused me of being arrogant. I am always taken back with that response, because my supreme desire is to obey the Lord and to worship Him. I do not like being in the position I am in. I want to be a member of a local church, but there just isn't any church for me to be a member of right now. What am I to do?

Also how can I have spiritual fellowship with Christians who have no idea of why they go to a certain church? Most people who go to church believe it is the thing one does if they are a Christian, meaning go to church. These folks believe being a Christian is going to a church building at least once a week. A person can go to church and have no relationship with the Lord Jesus is my belief. I am sure there are countless millions of Christians who go to church for all the right spiritual reasons. I found personally when I was going to church I did not meet many people who could talk about their faith on a deep personal level. Maybe I just was not in the right church to meet these Christians who had a personal relationship with the Risen Savior the Lord Jesus Christ.

I have written that I feel extremely uncomfortable around people I do not know. When I am around people I am sure my weirdness becomes visible and then I am forced to defend myself or explain myself, which I find boring and very exhausting. I do not want to explain myself or defend myself to anyone or church. I just want to be left alone to seek the face of the Lord Jesus Christ in the Communion of the Saints. Why can't we love one another since we meaning Christians are all members of the Body of Christ.

I should add one of the biggest obstacles for me joining a church is that I believe salvation is my grace alone. Most churches in America believe salvation is by works and not by grace alone. I also believe a local church should follow the patten of Christian fellowship as set forth in the New Testament. I personally do not know of any local church that teaches and preaches the Gospel revealed in the New Testament.

Well as I write I can feel myself falling asleep, so I will close to feel wasted.
  • Current Music
    Eyehategod "Southern Discomfort"