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crookedfingers
May 4th, 2009 
It is 8:14 AM Monday morning in the cosmic flow. I am down in the basement (bomb shelter) drinking a cup of coffee listening to the Grateful Dead live at the Fillmore West 1969 San Francisco.

Way back in 1968 I saw Pink Floyd at the Fillmore West. I was on LSD and had my mind blown. Maybe due to taking so much acid I am a Christian mystic today? I do not know why I find the dead american world a super drag? I want to be heavenly minded. "Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands." 2 Corinth. 5:1

Carol woke me up at 6:30 AM getting dressed so as to go to the grocery store. I got up and went with her to the grocery store. Now it is 8:17 AM morning time and I am still not fully awake.

It is another warm sunny day. I good day to smoke some weed and rock with the Grateful Dead (I am having a Northern California dream).

I have nothing to do today worth doing.

Yesterday I barely remember right now. I am lost in the eternal NOW. I do remember going to bed early last night to read "The Magic Mountain" a novel by Thomas Mann. I do remember what television last night.

Carol is going to take her mother for a ride around Holland so she can see the flowers and the trees. Right now we are in high Spring time. I should go out and see if the trees at Van Raalte Farm county park are in bloom.

Yesterday a LiveJournal mentioned a novel titled "The Savage Detectives" by Roberto Bolano. I have this novel near me. This novel is on a stack of books near me. Here is the list of books in this stack---

"The Savage Detectives" a novel by Roberto Bolano

"The Lost Weekend" a novel by Charles Jackson

"Barthes: Selected Writings" Introduced by Susan Sontag

"Self-Condemned" a novel by Wyndham Lewis

"The Rest Is Noise: Listening To The Twentieth Century" by Alex Ross

"The Thief's Journal" by Jean Genet

"2666" a novelby Roberto Bolano

George, Being George: George Plimpton's Life" Edited by Nelson W. Aldrich, Jr.

I am a bookworm. I have always loved books. I am always reading something. I love words. I wish I was a master of the English language. It makes me sick I can not spell. Anyone who reads my diary can see how poorly I know the English language-English grammar. I do not know how to write a decent sentence. I am uneducated. I envy writers like Joyce Carol Oates and John Updike.

Along time ago I realize we have our limits. We have walls around us that we can not escape.

For years I restricted my reading to books that would enable me to preach and teach the Bible. It is only been only in the last five years I have gone beyond Christian books. Well I did read novels once awhile when I was seeking to be a gospel minister. But most of my reading was directed towards being a Soul Doctor.
I have been reading the kind of books I read when I was young. I still read Christian books, but also novels. It is only in the last five years we started going to used book sales.

I have been reading the Beats for years. When I was preparing myself for the Gospel Ministry I did not have the time or energy to read novels. I had to read books that would help me open up the Scriptures to God's people. Around five years ago maybe longer I realized there was no place for me in the evangelical world. I left the visible church and now I read all over the map. I read books that interest me or wanted to read when I was a young man. For example I have always wanted to read "The Magic Mountain" by Thomas Mann, so now I am reading it and soon will be finished with it. Next I hope to read "Ulysses" a novel by James Joyce.

I have spent most of my life in bookstores, libraries, or reading books. I love books.

I love the Word of God supremely.

Also I have been writing in diary form since I was 17 years old. I love to write words.

I was going to write a History of Reading, but this enough history. Since I got fired from my job back in June 21, 2007 I have time and mental energy to read and write all the time. For many years when I was working I was always mentally exhausted and could only devoted myself to reading books that would help me teach Adult Sunday School (I taught Adult Sunday school for 10 years at Messiah Independent Reformed Church till we left this church over doctrinal disagreements mainly.)

I read books even though I would not recommend people to read what I read. I tell folks to read the Bible and pray. I read because I love to read. If you are going to read you should read the best literature-secular and Christian. Why read junk? Why fill your mind and heart with crap?

I realize there are some Christians who think reading outside of the Bible is a waste of time. Well to me there are all kinds of Christians. I can read nonchristian literature without believing it is real. We can read books for different reasons. I consider for example "The Magic Mountain" by Mann a work of Art. Praise the Lord for works of Art. Art is not all purely evil. We are to enjoy works of creation, works of artistic creation like novels and music etc. . .

The Bible is a work of Art (the artist God).

Well I am tired so I will close. Once again words fail me. I do not know how to write what is inside of my mind.
Hundred Facts About Myself

1. Born August 14,1952 Oakland Calif.

2. my mother was 18 years old when she had me

3. my mother had me outside of wedlock

4. I never knew my father

5. five years after I was born my brother Mike was born also outside of wedlock.

6. my brother Mike has received two Pulitzer prizes

7. my mother married Earl Inman around 1958 (?)

8. Earl hated Mike and me

9. Earl divorced my mother around 1960

10. in 1960 we lived in Norfolk Virginia

11. my oldest sister was born in Norfolk Virginia and also my other brother Robert Inman

12. around 1961 I had to go live with my Uncle and Aunt who were cruel drunks and dirt poor in Oregon

13. 1962 my mother remarries John Thomas a sailor in Norfolk Virginia

14. we move to Los Angeles Calif. in 1963

15. my mother divorces John Thomas and goes to work as a cocktail waitress

16. I attend Jr. High and become aware of girls and my sexuality.

17. my mother is killed by a speeding ambulance

18. the first book I remember reading was Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susan

19. first movie I saw at a movie house was Days of Wine and Roses (1962) Jack Lemmon and Lee Remick. I remember my mother taking me with one of her many boyfriends to see this movie

20. first magazine I remember looking at was Playboy. My mother had a boyfriend that owned a big house up in the hills. The fellow had Playboy magazines all over his house.

21. first kiss was from a girl in the 9th grade who lived in a trailer park

22. after my mother was killed we (Mike and I) lived with my alcoholic aunt and her three sons in San Pablo Calif.

23. ran away and lived with a German Jew hippie woman and her son I was in the 11th grade living in Richmond Calf.

24. in High School I was into LSD, weed, magic mushrooms, books and women.

25. remembering seeing in concert Can Heat, Ten Years After, Joy of Cooking, The Guess Who, Pink Floyd, Steve Miller Band

28. had sex for the first time when I was in the 12 grade with a beautiful girl name Debbie

29. went to Young Life in High School and Bahai World Faith Meetings

27. favorite writer in High School was Theodore Dreiser the novel An American Tragedy

28. Maria my first foster parent threw me and I lived with Tom and his family while in the 12th grade. Tom's parents told me I had to move out when the Lord saved me in 1970

30. I was a conscientious objector during the Vietnam Conflict

31. I marched against the war in Southeast Asia

32. after I finished High School I wanted to be either a social worker or something to do with Art. After the Lord saved me I wanted to go out and tell others the Good News.

33. I was a Jesus Freak

34. after High School I lived off and on at a Christian commune called Richmond House

35. went to Jr. College for one year and a small independent Liberal Arts College on Mackinac Island for a half year

36. in college my biggest influence was Bertolt Brecht

37. I worked in a Rescue Mission for a couple of years because I wanted to live on the edge of society. I wanted to live with outcasts

38. fell in love with an older woman divorce with four older children. I was in my early 20's and she was in her early 50's her name was Tykie

39. I became a Calvinist while working at the rescue mission and joined the Orthodox Presbyterian Church maybe the year was 1975 (?)

40. Tykie moved to Oregon and I met another divorced woman with two small boys named Sandy

41. Sandy bought me my first car and forced me to get a driver's license

44. I left the mission and worked at a 7-11 Store for a couple of months

45. I was in the far country and not walking with the Lord when I was with Sandy

46. the Lord had mercy on me and set me free from the chains of sin and I left Calf. to attend Reformed Bible College

47. met Carol the first months of attending RBC and got married in May 1979

48. I began to read the English Puritans around 1976 (?)

50. The first Puritan book that had an impact on me was a book titled "Looking Unto Jesus" by Isaac Ambrose. I have a reprint of this wonderful book in my book collection

51. when Carol and I were dating she bought me Matthew Henry's Commentaries and the Works of Thomas Manton

52. my wife bought our wedding rings because I had no money when we decided to get married

53. I never proposed to my wife

54. we were married in the front room of my wife's parents house

55. my wife never had a boyfriend till she met me

56. I married Carol because I knew it was the best decision I would ever make in my life

57. I have a B.R. E. degree from Reformed Bible College which is a Bachelor of Religious Education degree.

58. when I went to Bible College I was thinking of becoming a missionary. I wanted to go live with the Amazonian Indians

59. from the age of 9 to a couple of years ago I was constantly sick with an stomach ucler

60. I have been keeping a diary since I was 18 years old but burned all my diaries when I left Calif. to attend Reformed Bible College. After getting back from my honeymoon I started writing again and have not stopped since

61. during the 1980's I listened only to the radio and did not buy many records. The night after our wedding Carol and I went to a Mall and I bought a record by James Taylor which I still have down in the basement. The next record I recall buying was Blood On The Tracks by Bob Dylan. I also bought Dylan's Christian albums and then we got into listening to Keith Green tapes. I mainly listened to Blue Grass and Classic the first years of being married. I did not start buying music till we moved to Holland Mich. 13 years ago. I did buy cassette tapes when we lived in the South. I really got into the music of Bruce Cockburn and Van Morrison. I have always been a fan of Dylan's music especially his early stuff.

62. we moved to Mississippi to attend Reformed Theological Seminary because we wanted to live in the South. I also wanted to sit under the teaching of Dr. John DeWitt the Prof. of Systematic Theology. The first day we were on campus I went to see Dr. DeWitt and found him packing his library. He had accepted a call to be a Sr. Pastor in a big Presbyterian Church. I was disappointed that he was leaving but what could I do about it?

63. as a seminary student I had a couple small breakdowns nothing that crippled me but those seminary years were very hard on me

64. I never feel comfortable around people and I suppose that is why I never became a minister but now work alone at the bottom of the egg pit

65. While in attending seminary I next a seminar called Christian Spirituality with Peter Toon and it was taking that class I got back into St. John of the Cross

66. after seminary I had to find a place to do my internship

67. moved to Houston Texas and did my internship at Covenant PCA some of the worse years of my life

68. terrible time in Texas

69 we moved back to Michigan to settle down and raise our three children 13 years ago

70. Carol and I both want to live a simple life

71. I do not like my job but I do like being free to be myself [got fired in June 2007]

72. I do not like to be told what to do

73. I like being free to think my own thoughts and not have to deal with being told what to think

74. I see the Christian life as a life of freedom and so I gladly do what the Bible tells me what to do

75. I mainly like being free to think and write

76. I want to visit Spain someday and visit the places where St. John of the Cross lived and wrote

77. I wish I could read and speak Spanish so I could read St. John of the Cross in his own language

78. when I graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary I received a Master of Divinity Diploma

79. I do not have any close friends

80. I consider myself a Reformed Evangelical mystic Jesus Freak [I now just consider myself a Christian 5/04/09]

81. someday I want to live the life of a hermit [I am now 5/04/09 living the life of a hermit]

82. I do not like to drive

83. I hate the winter season here in Michigan

84. I drink coke and rarely anything else

85. I do not know basic English grammer

86. I know very little sciene or math

87. I do not like to shave

88. I collect books to look and not to read

89. I like to have a house full of cats but my wife is allergic to cat hair

90. I rarely receive personal phone calls or letters

91. I have not been in contact with my brothers and sisters since my mother's death. Mike and I are not close. About eight years ago we visited Mike and his family in Washington D.C. but rarely have any contact. Years ago I got into contact with my oldest sister Robin but then she suddenly broke off contact. My family is my wife and three children.

92. I do not like the world

93. I feel guilty when I have money in my pocket [right now I have no money 5/04/09]

94. I collect music

95. my favorite song is by Bob Dylan "Tombstone Blues" found on his record Highway 61 Revisited. I have told Carol I want this record by Dylan played at my funeral

96. I wear white work socks every day

97. I do not know Greek or Hebrew

98. I am a loner

99. I do not like loud women

100. I never tell jokes or play games

[listening to Chris Whitley "Rocket House"]

7:26 p.m. - 2003-09-22
bury me in a plain pine box

100 facts about me [I wrote this entry back in 2003 and found it this morning while rereading my journal. I wonder why I tend to dwell on my youth and not the 27 years of my married life? Could I write 100 facts based solely on my 27 years of being married to Carol? A 100 facts based on being a father and husband? Did my younger years ruin me for life? How about the transforming effects of being regenerated by God the Holy Spirit? Why not write a 100 facts based on being a Christian? Maybe something is wrong with me? I tend to think about my Past as we come to the end of another year. In 39 days it will be the year 2007. Soon I will be retired and should start planning my burial service. I always tell Carol bury me in a plain pine box and play the music of Bob Dylan while I lay in a coffin waiting the day of Resurrection.}

January 1, 2006

an old diary entry "Hundred Facts About Myself"
2003-09-22

Hundred Facts About Myself

1. Born August 14,1952 Oakland Calif.

2. my mother was 18 years old when she had me

3. my mother had me outside of wedlock

4. I never knew my father

5. five years after I was born my brother Mike was born also outside of wedlock.

6. my brother Mike has received two Pulitzer prizes

7. my mother married Earl Inman around 1958 (?)

8. Earl hated Mike and me

9. Earl divorced my mother around 1960

10. in 1960 we lived in Norfolk Virginia

11. my oldest sister was born in Norfolk Virginia and also my other brother Robert Inman

12. around 1961 I had to go live with my Uncle and Aunt who were cruel drunks and dirt poor in Oregon

13. 1962 my mother remarries John Thomas a sailor in Norfolk Virginia

14. we move to Los Angeles Calif. in 1963

15. my mother divorces John Thomas and goes to work as a cocktail waitress

16. I attend Jr. High and become aware of girls and my sexuality.

17. my mother is killed by a speeding ambulance

18. the first book I remember reading was "Valley of the Dolls" by Jacqueline Susan

19. first movie I saw at a movie theater was "The Days of Wine And Roses" (1962) Jack Lemmon and Lee Remick. I remember my mother taking me to this movie with one of her many boyfriends

20. first magazine I remember looking at was "Playboy". My mother once had a boyfriend who owned a big house up in the hills. The fellow had "Playboy" magazines all over his house.

21. first kiss I had was from a girl in the 9th grade who lived in a trailer park

22. after my mother was killed we (Mike and I) lived with my alcoholic aunt and her three sons in San Pablo Calif.

23. I ran away while living with my Aunt and lived with a German Jew hippie woman and her son. I was in the 11th grade living in Richmond Calf. around 1967 or 1968

24.while in High School I was into LSD, weed, magic mushrooms, books and women.

25. remembering seeing in concert Can Heat, Ten Years After, Joy of Cooking, The Guess Who, Pink Floyd, Steve Miller Band

28. had sex for the first time when I was in the 12 grade with a beautiful girl name Debbie

29. went to Young Life in High School and Bahai World Faith Meetings

27. favorite writer in High School was Theodore Dreiser his novel "An American Tragedy"

28. Maria my first foster parent threw me and I lived with a fellow a named Tom and his family while in the 12th grade. Tom's parents told me I had to move out when the Lord saved me in 1970

30. I was a conscientious objector during the Vietnam Conflict

31. I marched against the war in Southeast Asia

32. after I finished High School I wanted to be either a social worker or something to do with Art. After the Lord saved me I wanted to go out and tell others the Good News.

33. I was a Jesus Freak

34. after High School I lived off and on at a Christian commune called Richmond House

35. went to Jr. College for one year and a small independent Liberal Arts College on Mackinac Island Mich. for a half year

36. in my early 20's the biggest influence in my life was playwrite Bertolt Brecht

37. I worked at Richmond Rescue Mission for a couple of years ( because I wanted to live on the edge of society. I wanted to live among outcasts)

38. I fell in love with an older woman who was divorced and had four older children. I was in my early 20's and she was in her early 50's, her name was Tykie

39. I became a Calvinist while working at the Richmond Rescue Mission and joined the Orthodox Presbyterian Church maybe the year was 1975 (?)

40. Tykie moved to Oregon and I met another divorced woman who had two small boys named Sandy

41. Sandy bought me my first car and forced me to get a driver's license

44. I left the mission and worked at a 7-11 Store for a couple of months

45. I was in the far country and was not walking with the Lord when I was with Sandy

46. the Lord had mercy on me and set me free from the chains of sin and I left Calf. to attend Reformed Bible College

47. at Reformed Bible College I met Carol and six months later we got married May 1979

48. I began to read the English Puritans around 1976 (?)

50. The first Puritan book that had an impact on me was a book titled "Looking Unto Jesus" by Isaac Ambrose. I have a reprint of this wonderful book in my book collection

51. when Carol and I were dating she bought me "Matthew Henry's Commentaries" and the "Works of Thomas Manton"

52. my wife bought our wedding rings because I had no money when we decided to get married

53. I never proposed to my wife

54. we were married in the front room of my wife's parents house

55. my wife never had a boyfriend till she met me

56. I married Carol because I knew it was the best decision I would ever make in my life

57. I have a B.R. E. degree from Reformed Bible College which is a Bachelor of Religious Education degree.

58. when I went to Reformed Bible College I was thinking of becoming a missionary. I wanted to go live with the Amazonian Indians Brazil

59. from the age of 9 to a couple of years ago I was constantly sick with an stomach ucler

60. I have been keeping a diary since I was 18 years old but burned all my diaries when I left Calif. to attend Reformed Bible College. After getting back from our honeymoon I started writing again and have not stopped since

61. during the 1980's I listened only to the radio and did not buy many records. The night after our wedding Carol and I went to a Mall and I bought a record by James Taylor which I still have down in the basement. The next record I recall buying was Blood On The Tracks by Bob Dylan. I also bought Dylan's Christian albums and then we got into listening to Keith Green tapes. I mainly listened to Blue Grass and Classic the first years of being married. I did not start buying music till we moved to Holland Mich. 13 years ago. I did buy cassette tapes when we lived in the South. I really got into the music of Bruce Cockburn and Van Morrison. I have always been a fan of Dylan's music especially his early stuff.

62. we moved to Mississippi to attend Reformed Theological Seminary because we wanted to live in the South. I also wanted to sit under the teaching of Dr. John DeWitt the Prof. of Systematic Theology. The first day we were on campus I went to see Dr. DeWitt and found him packing his library. He had accepted a call to be a Sr. Pastor in a big Presbyterian Church. I was disappointed that he was leaving but what could I do about it?

63. as a seminary student I had a couple small breakdowns but nothing that crippled me but those seminary years were very hard on me

64. I never feel comfortable around people and I suppose that is why I never became a minister but now work alone at the bottom of the egg pit

65. While in attending seminary I took a seminar called Christian Spirituality with Peter Toon and it while taking that class I got back into the writings of St. John of the Cross

66. after seminary we had to find a place to do my ministrial internship

67. we moved to Houston Texas and to my internship at Covenant PCA some of the worse years of my life

68. terrible time in Texas

69 we moved back to Michigan to settle down and raise our three children 13 years ago

70. Carol and I both want to live a simple life

71. I do not like my job but I do like being free to be myself

72. I do not like to be told what to do

73. I like being free to think my own thoughts and not have to deal with being told what to think

74. I see the Christian life as a life of freedom and so I gladly do what the Bible tells me what to do

75. I mainly like being free to think and write

76. I want to visit Spain someday and visit the places where St. John of the Cross lived and wrote

77. I wish I could read and speak Spanish so I could read St. John of the Cross in his own language

78. when I graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary I received a Master of Divinity Diploma

79. I do not have any close friends

80. I consider myself a Reformed Evangelical mystic Jesus Freak

81. someday I want to live the life of a hermit

82. I do not like to drive

83. I hate the winter season here in Michigan

84. I drink coke and rarely anything else

85. I do not know basic English grammar

86. I know very little science or math

87. I do not like to shave

88. I collect books to look at and not to read

89. I like to have a house full of cats but my wife is allergic to cat hair

90. I rarely receive personal phone calls or letters

91. I have not been in contact with my brothers and sisters since my mother's death. Mike and I are not close. About eight years ago we visited Mike and his family in Washington D.C. but rarely have any contact. Years ago I got into contact with my oldest sister Robin but then she suddenly broke off contact. My family is my wife and three children.

92. I do not like the world

93. I feel guilty when I have money in my pocket

94. I collect music

95. my favorite song is by Bob Dylan "Tombstone Blues" found on his record "Highway 61 Revisited". I have told Carol I want this record by Dylan played at my funeral

96. I wear white work socks every day

97. I do not know Greek or Hebrew

98. I am a loner

99. I do not like loud women

100. I never tell jokes or play games



[listening to Chris Whitley "Rocket House"]

music: Songs of Leonard Cohen

November 23,2006 Thanksgiving holy day morning reflections on the above

[I noticed after I wrote the above I did not mention the Fact I am a father of three wonderful children Caleb Jon, Josiah and Bethany. I suppose to know me is to know I am a father. Am I a good father? I try to be a good father. I love my three children and have always sought to be good to them. I have sought to be a good Christian example before them. I do confess I am a loner and find it hard to get outside of myself. I am thankful we have raised three productive children. I am thankful our children are responsible mature adults and do not have a lot of problems. I am thankful to know our children love us. My children might not agree with their Dad, but I know they love me and respect me.

It is hard being a father when I never had one myself. I am thankful that our children have such a wonderful mother. Carol is a wonderful wife and mother. I believe one of the reasons our children are what they are today is because they had a great mother who raised them in the fear and joy of the Lord.

In the end the Lord has blessed us with three fine children now adults. I often wonder who they will marry? The world is so full of jerks.]

music: Tom Waits "Orphans"


7:16 a.m. - 2006-11-23
Jesus the Good Shepherd

Here is a list of books on my desk in my study that I am trying to read before I die.
1. "The Ways Of Our God: An Approach to Biblical Theology" by Charles H. H. Scobie
2. "Jonathan Edwards: A Life" by George M. Marsden
3. "The Social God and the Relational Self: A Trinitarian Theology of the Image Dei" by Stanley J. Grenz
4. "Renewing The Center: Evangelical Theology In A Post-Theological Era" by Stanley J. Grenz
5. "To Know And Love God: Method For Theology" by David K. Clark
6. "The Making Of The New Spirituality: The Eclipse of the Western Religious Tradition" by James A. Herrick
7. "Paul Among The Postliberals: Pauline Theology Beyond Christendom And Modernity" by Douglas Harink
8. "Sermons Of Rev. B. M. Palmer" Volumes 1 and 2
9. "Disputations On Holy Scriptures" by William Whitaker (1547-1595)
10. "The Unsearchable Riches Of Christ" by James Durham (1622-1658)
11. "Instructions about Heartwork" by Richard Alleine (1611-1691)
12. "The Life & Letters of Joseph Alleine" by Richard Baxter, Theodosia Alleine and other friends
13. "The Portable Sixties Reader" Edited with an Introduction by Ann Charters
14. "Romancing Mary Jane-A Year In The Life Of A Failed Marijuana Grower" by Michael Poole

Time keeps going by on a warm sunny Saturday afternoon. I washed the caravan and read my new book. Carol went to bed to sleep, she works tonight. Bethany went off to visit a girlfriend before going to work. Do not know what Josiah and Caleb Jon are doing right now?

I was born in Oakland Calif in 1952. I never knew my father. I could have been a one night stand? Growing up I had two step-fathers. My mother was a party girl. When she was alive she worked as a bar maid. As a boy I lived in these states Maryland, Washington D.C. Virginia, Oregon, and California. My mother died in a car wreck when I was 16 years old. At that time we were living in Los Angeles Calif. I am the oldest of five children.

I grew up among drunks and whores.

After my mother died I lived with my Aunt for a short time. My Aunt was a drunk and my cousins were violent. To make a long story short I lived with a foster mother and her son Kim when I was in the 11th grade. My foster mother was a German Jew hippie type with one son. She and I did not get a long even though we remained friends. I lived with another foster family of hippie types when I was in the 12th grade the year was 1969 living in the Bay Area Richmond Calif. I got into LSD and sex when I was 17 years old. I have always loved books Words. When I was in the 12th grade I was searching for the meaning of life. Why did I exist? Who am I? Is there a god? If there is a god how do I know him? I was involved in Young Life in the 12th grade also Bahai World Faith. I have always been a loner, but always had a girlfriend before I was married.

I always took drugs alone not with people or my girlfriend's (the only woman I got stoned with two women Tykie and Sandy when I was in my early 20's). In the summer of 1970 after I graduated from High School I was hiking in the Richmond Hills and looked up into the blue sky and prayed for God to show me who He was? Two weeks later I was in Berkeley on the campus of UC Berkeley girl watching when I came across a group of Jesus People also Jews For Jesus people. They invited me to a Bible Study and even since that day I have been seeking the Lord Jesus Christ The Messiah The Son of God The Savior of the elect. The journey has been rocky, but the Lord has continued to keep me seeking Him. "But you do not believe, because you are not My sheep, as I said to you. My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father's hand. I and My Father are one" John 10:26-30.

So the Lord began the work of salvation in me the summer of 1970. I went to a small state college for a year. While going to school I lived a fellow from church and at a Christian commune. Around 1972 I attended a small Liberal Arts College here in Michigan. At this stage of my spiritual life I was very immature. I was still living for sex and drugs. But I did read and study the Bible. I should add here I was very sick with a bad stomach for many years. I had stomach ulcers that caused me to never sleep at night and I could eat only bland food. I was always sick in a state of pain. Living in sin made me even more sicker. The misery of sin. Feeling the pressure of guilt. The fear of going to hell pressed down on my stomach. Around 1973 I lived on a Christian commune in Northern Calif. and then got a job working in a Rescue Mission in Richmond Calif. I worked and lived at this mission for a couple of years. I had a girlfriend lover Tykie divorced early 50's four grown children. Tykie was a very good Christian woman. We were lovers and that made the relationship stressful. I left the mission around 1976 and Tykie moved to Oregon.

I soon met another great woman named Sandy divorced with two small boys. We became lovers and had an intense relationship. I was becoming more and more miserable knew I had to get free from the slavery of sin drugs sex and going nowhere. During this time I was working in a 7-11 store from 11 o'clock at night till 8 o'clock in the morning. I read the Puritans while working at this store also got stoned. I had several women lovers besides Sandy. I was out of control. But one day while reading "A New Birth" by J.C. Ryle (I have the same book next to me right now). As I was reading Ryle's book A New Birth I got convicted and prayed for God to give me the Holy Spirit. I felt the chains of sin breaking and I soon afterwards left California to attend Reformed Bible College in Grand Rapids Mich. I got a job working at Rescue Mission and started Bible College. I met Carol while a student at RBC. I started RBC and soon afterwards the Lord brought Carol into my life. We met and nine months later we got married. Now 24 years later here I sit writing to the music of the Swans seeking the face of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Over the 33 years I have been Christian I have been a student of the Bible. I have changed theologically over the years. I consider myself right now a conservative evangelical Calvinist. I have been reading the writings of the Puritans for many years. I collect books on the Beats. I am a student of Jack Kerouac. I like to listen to music. I collect books and music. I have been keeping a diary since I was 17 years old. When I left California around 1978 I burned all my diaries. I burned down my old life to start a new life in Grand Rapids Mich. I do have the Year 1978 diaries because I could not burn half a year. So I have diaries from 1978 to right now June 7, 2003. My diaries weigh a ton because I keep everything. I am a pack rat.

Well this is my testimony. Much has been left out because when I was young I lived a wicked life. I broke all the Ten Commandments. I am a miracle of free grace.

5:30 p.m. - 2003-06-07
The Myth of Sisyphus

her kisses were so sweet

where has the time gone?[ edit | delete ]

posted 11/06/04 (edited Saturday, Nov 06, 2004 11:59)

It is Saturday morning 9:46 AM my day OFF from the Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Division. I have been working at the Egg Divison for 573 weeks thus far. When we moved to Holland 13 and half years ago for the first two years I stayed home and took care of the home. Before moving to Holland we lived in Houston Texas. We moved to Houston Texas after I graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary Jackson Miss. We went to Reformed Theological Seminary after I graduated from Reformed Bible College Grand Rapids Mich. I went to Reformed Bible College after leaving Richmond Calif. to train myself to be a soul doctor. I moved to Richmond Calif. after my mother was killed in car wreck in Los Angeles Calif. My mother and sibbings lived in Los Angeles Calif after our step-father Tom moved us there from Norfolk Virginia. My mother met Tom in a bar in Norfolk Virginia-he was a sailor. When my mother met Tom I was living in a small coastal town in Oregon with my uncle and aunt who were drunks and full of violence. After my mother married Tom we (Mike and me) went to live with Tom, mom and Robin in Virginia. My mother was pregnant with my sister Dawnelle (she was three years old when our mother was destroyed in a car wreck December 21, 1968-she was killed by an ambulance-my mother did not see the ambulance and she was taken into eternity by the hand of God immediately-when we die we are either in hell or heaven forever and ever-there are no second chances once we die.
I was born in Oakland Calif in 1952 I never my father. When I was a boy we lived in California, Washington D.C. and Maryland. My mother had Mike who also had no father-she married Earl and my brother Robert was born and my sister Robin came into the sin cursed world. Earl divorced my mother back in the early 60's-they were not married long-I do not think my mother was ever married to one man very long-maybe the marriages lasted four to five years at the most-I never knew my mother. My mother was a party girl with false teeth and bleached blonde hair.

When my mother was taken off to face her Judge Mike and I went to live again with my alcohic aunt and her three messed up sons in a small house filled with the fumes of cigarettes and dead dreams. I left and by divine providence lived with Marie and Kim-I was in the 11th grade and became a free spirit-got into bohemianism. Maria threw me up and I lived with another beheminian type family-I was in the 12th grade-I was into Debbie, LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) and the ant-war movement-I applied for conscientious objector status. America pulled out of Vietnam and God saved me the summer of 1970. After High School I went to Contra Costa Jr. College and then the following year Machinac Liberat Arts College on Mackinac Island-I did not finish the year at Mackinac because the school got into financial problems and was going shut down. I found out about the college closing during winter break-I was living in a Christian commune in Northern Calif. up in the redwoods with a couple hundred Jesus Freaks.

To give you an idea where I was at at this point in my spiritual journey I should tell you I did not immediately go to the Christian commune during the winter break (what year was that?) I got a ride up north from my foster brother Tom-he was going up north to help his hippie sister build a house out in the woods-when we got to her place I bought a huge block of pure hashish (hashish-a resinous product of the top leaves and tender parts of hemp, smoked or chewed for its narcotic effects) and stayed stoned for a couple of weeks. I smoked hashish every day and read the writings of Albert Camus 'The Myth of Sisphus'-after the hashish was all smoked up I hitched hiked to the Christian commune-I was so out of it that I forgot my boots and had to wear rubber boots when I lived with the Jesus People-when I was a young man I hardly wore shoes-I wore flip-flops.

Back in the early days of being a follower of Jesus I was mixed up-well I was not controlled totally by the Holy Spirit. I was fleshly-my lusts still had strong hold on me-I was a baby Christian who had a lot to learn (Hebrews 12:3-11)

I left the Christian commune and went to live once again in Richmond Calif. I think I had been a Christian by that time three years. I was into speaking in tongues and sex. I worked for a few months in a steel plant. The plant closed down and I was lead by God to join the staff of the Richmond Rescue Mission. I was in love with an older woman and sleeping with her on weekends. I smoked dope and read the English Puritans. Tykie moved away and I met Sandy. Lived a life of a Don Juan and smoked weed. I went to the Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Berkelely Calif. Sunk deeper and deeper in the mire of sin-at times I wanted God to killed me or end my life since I was having such a good time being stoned and having sex all the time. I was under the conviction of sin and I knew if I was to die I would go to hell and burn forever and ever in the Lake of Fire.

One day I was reading the book 'The New Birth' by J.C. Ryle and I bowed my head and prayed for God to break the chains of sin-set me free from my life of wickedness. When I finished praying I felt free from sin and decided to leave California and educated myself to be a gospel preacher. Not to long after being made right with God by the blood of Jesus I packed my old car drove to Michigan to finish college at Reformed Bible College. I lived at Mel Trotter's Mission working as a Night Supervisor till I married Carol May 1979. Now it is November 6, 2004 I am 52 years old and I have been on the narrow way going on 36 years-even when I have not been faithful, God has been faithful.

Summary
1970 God saved me
1971 Contra Costa College San Pablo Calif.
1972 Mackinac Island College (on our honeymoon Carol and I went to Mackinac Island)
1973 Richmond Rescue Mission/Tykie
1974 living at the mission and living the life of a hypocrite
1975 became a Calvinist while working at the mission-got into reading the writings of the 17th cent. English Puritans
1976 left the Mission due to having adulterous relationship
"following the way of Balaam" (sometime around here Tykie moved to Oregon)
1977 Sandy divorced with two small boys (we were lovers-smoked a ton of dope and realized our relationship had to come to an end)
1978 left Calif.
1979 married Carol
1981 Caleb Jon born/graduated from Reformed Bible Colege
1982 Josiah was born/moved to Jackson Miss. to attend Reformed Theological Seminary
1983
1984 Bethany was born in Jackson Miss.
1985
1986 left Jackson Miss. for Houston Texas
1987
1988
1989
1990
1991 moved to Holland Mich. to settle down-get jobs and raise our kids-live the simple life of seeking the face of God-July 1991
1992
1993 Nov. I think I started working at the Hamilton Farm Bureau part-time-I worked part-time for two years? I get lost in Time so I am not sure with the dates-If Carol was up I could ask her exactly when we moved here and when I started working at Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Division
1994
1995
1996
1997
1998
1999
2000
2001
2002
2003
2004 November 6, 2004 taking to myself time is 11:08 AM my day off from work-my sabbath rest-I will close to sit and ponder the passing of the years.

music: Norfolk & Western "Winter Farewell"

music: Meshuggah "Catch Thirtythree"

9:52 p.m. - 2006-07-05
I am a nonconformist

I need to be in order the Time Line I pasted into my journal last night. I have a couple new readers and wanted them to know more about me so I dug up this entry of February 14, 2008 for them to read. But since I find myself always looking over my Past hoping to find the place in time it all went wrong. So here it goes (the time is 9:01 AM Tuesday morning)---

I was born in Oakland, Calif. August 14, 1952 never knew my father my mother was either 17 years old or 18 years old when I came screaming into the world

1953
1954
1955
1956
1957
1958
1959
1960
1961
1962
1963
1964
1965
1966
1967
1968 my mother killed in a car wreck

When I lived in California I would rather buy a book than buy food. I have never been into food. (Dec. 1968 till 1978 lived in Richmond, Calif. for 10 years before moving to Grand Rapids, Mich. to attend Reformed Bible College)

1969
1970 graduated from John F. Kennedy High Richmond Calif. (the Lord saved me or began the process of saving me the Summer of 1970)
1971 attended Contra Costa Jr. College San Pablo Calif.
1972 attended Mackinac Island Liberal Arts College Mackinac Island Mich.
1973 I think around this Time I was living in different Christian communes in Northern Calif. Around this Time I met Tykie and fell in love for the first time. I think it was towards the end of 1973 I joined the staff of the Richmond Rescue Mission and became a Calvinist (?)
1974
1975
1976 I think it was around this Time I left the Richmond Rescue Mission and was having a love affair with Sandy
1977
1978 I left Richmond Calif. to attend college [have diaries from 1978 till March 11,2008 in my cell]

I think I left Richmond Calif. to attend Reformed Bible College in the summer of 1978? I believe Carol and I got married the Spring of 1979. I wish I could remember Time.

Earlier I was mentioning books that have had impact on me over the years. I mentioned the writings of the american spiritual master Jonathan Edwards. I remember many years ago being homeless and getting a job caring for a retired fellow who had lost his wife and decided to drink himself to death. My job was to move in with this drunk and clean his house and cook his meals. What happened was that the fellow would get drunk and talk to me all the time. The fellow did not want me to clean or cook just listen to him talk. But the fellow did not want me to talk about to him meaning disagree with him. I was a young Christian and felt it was my responsibility to tell him it was sinful for him to live a life of a drunk. I told the fellow he needed to repent of sins and give his life to the Lord. Well the old drunk got tired of me telling him what the Bible said so one day he threw me out. But before he threw me out he gave me money for my services-I used that money to buy a two volume set of "The Works of Jonathan Edwards" which I had till I sold them to a student at Reformed Bible College and bought myself a new two volume set that was not dirty or had old drippings of candle wax on the covers-that was back in the 1980's when I was newly married to Carol. (Reformed Bible College from Dec. 1978 till May 1981 graduated and Reformed Theological Seminary Jan. 1983 and graduated in May of 1986. We were in Houston Texas from Nov. 1986 to July 1991-so we have lived Here from July 1991 till February 2008 Now.)

Also in my last entry I mentioned a book by the old Puritan divine William Bates. Years ago when I lived in California and worked at Richmond Rescue Mission on my days off I would take a bus to Berkeley and visited seminary libraries. In these seminaries I found the writings of the old 17th cent. English Puritans like John Flavel, Richard Baxter, Thomas Goodwin and William Bates. One of these seminaries let me loan out the books and I would carry with me back to the Rescue Mission arm loads of old 17th cent. Puritan works. One such book was William Bates treatise "The Harmony Of The Divine Attributes"-many years ago someone published that treatise by William Bates in a book which I have always treasured. And then back in 1990 the same published called Sprinkle Publications published "The Whole Works Of The Rev. W. Bates, D. D. " four volumes-in the first volume of this set is the treatise "The Harmony Of The Divine Attributes In The Contrivance And Accomplishment Of Man's Redemption By The Lord Jesus Christ." I have read these four volumes in the past and recommend them for all serious lovers of God. (I think I was living and working at the Richmond Rescue Mission in Richmond Calif. back in the early 70's maybe 1973 till 1976?)

1979 Carol and I got married Spring of 1979 we met at Reformed Bible College-before we got married I was on staff at the Mel Trotter Mission Grand Rapids Mich.
1980
1981 graduated from Reformed Bible College in May 1981
(Caleb Jon born January 1981 in Grand Rapids Mich. Graduated from Holland High 1999 and is now working on his Ph. D. at Boston College. Before going to Boston College for five years Caleb attended Michigan State in East Lansing, Mich.)
1982
(Josiah Benjamin born August 3, 1982 in Grand Rapids Mich. Graduated from Holland High 2001. After graduating from High School he attended Calvin College in Grand Rapids and graduated in 2005. )
1983 in Jan. 1983 we moved to Jackson Miss. to attend Reformed Theological Seminary located in Jackson Miss.
1984 [in 1984 I started a separate note book titled "The Memoir of A Puritan Bum" where I wrote down all my memories up to the birth of our first child Caleb Jon. The last page of this notebook memoir is dated 8/31/87. I urge everyone to write down all their memories before they forget who they are and where they came from.]
(Bethany Taylor June 27, 1984 in Jackson Miss. Graduated from Holland High School 2003 and attended Calvin College in Grand Rapids and graduated in 2007.)
1985 [during the year I started writing a novel titled "Gradual Awakening" which I finished writing in rough draft 1/24/91]
1986 graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary Jackson Miss.-we moved to Houston Texas Fall of 1986
(My minister internship at Covenant PCA Houston, Texas with Dr. Joey Pipa Jr. 1986-1988. Joey left for Calif. and I looked for a call and never received one. I remembered the Lord using these two books to keep me from cracking up. The books were these two "Waking From The American Dream: Growing Through Your Disappointments" by Donald W. McCullough and "God's Waiting Room: Hope In The Midst Of Uncertainty" by Rick Yohn. )
1987
1988
1989
1990
1991 we left Texas and moved here to Holland July 1991-we have lived in this house from July 1991 till March 11, 2008
1992
(I attended over the last 38 years of being a professing Christians several churches. The last church I was a member of was Messiah Independent Reformed Church from Sept. 1992 when we left early 2003 (Carol joined Covenant PCA in 2004). I taught Adult Sunday School at Messiah from 1992 to I think 2002 (?).)
1993
(I worked at the egg pit from 1993 to June 21, 2007)
1994
1995
1996
1997
1998
1999
2000
2001 [starting writing in LiveJournal 2001-03-10 17:16:41]
2002
2003 [been a member of Journalspace since October 21st, 2003]
2004
2005
2006
2007 [termnated from the egg pit 6/21/07]
2008

It is now 9:34 AM Tuesday morning in the flow of my life. Carol has gone to bed for the day. I am not sure what I will do today to make it all worth while? It is all a mystery to me our life?

Yesterday morning when Carol came back to bed she talked about the empty nest syndrome. Our kids are gone and we have an empty nest (but I wonder if our kids will not come back to the nest when our economy crashes?). Carol mentioned me being out of work going on 10 months. She wanted to know if I like doing nothing? I told her I really enjoy doing nothing. All I ever wanted to Be was a gospel minister. When I was in High School up to the Time the Lord started saving me I lived for nothing but the moment. I never wanted to be anything when I was in High School. I had my young man dreams for sure but nothing solid. I was a dreamer when I was a young man. When the Lord saved me I finally knew what I wanted to do, which is tell people about the Lord Jesus. I wanted to be a soul winner.

When all those dreams of serving the Bride of Christ came to end 1988 there was nothing but seeking to pick of the pieces of my american nightmare. I always thought I could support Carol and the kids being a soul doctor. Now there I was at 40 years old with no idea what to do the rest of my earthly existence?

We moved to Holland to settle down and raise our kids. For two years I stayed home, but finally I was pressured to get a job. I got a part-time job at the Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Division. I worked part-time for two years and then worked full time for 13 years. Our kids grew up and became wonderful adults. Our kids went to college (our oldest is working on his Ph. D. at Boston College). Life went by quickly. The only reason I never got fired at the egg pit is because my boss was a fine Christian man. When my boss was fired due to a radical changes at the egg pit I knew my days were numbered. Finally the beast fired me June 21, 2007. I never was happy working for the beast, but the Lord gave me grace to keep going in spite of being constantly depressed and dead exhausted-it was constant battle working at the bottom of the egg pit. I lived to make money to buy stuff and help with household expensives.

With the new management at the egg pit demanding we work 50 to 60 hours a week I kept complaining telling them my life was more than work. I had my life of the mind and working such long hours etc was soul destroying. Finally the beast got sick of me demanding time for a spiritual life threw me out of the egg pit.

So now these days I wait. I rather be here in the hermit hut then out there in the dead american world serving the Beast with my blood and sweat. I never wanted to be anything but a teaching elder. Now I am 55 years old and I am tired and no longer have the hopes of a young soul winner. I have been around the block too many times.

Well that is a summary of Time for now. I need to rest my mind.

music: Eric Bachmann "To The Races"

8:51 p.m. - 2008-06-09

2009 May 4, 2009 the Lord is faithful
This afternoon I spotted a White-Crowned Sparrow near our bird feeder. I got a couple pictures of this bird before he flew away.

White-Crowned Sparrow
Sunday morning book rap

It is 9:27 AM Sunday morning and I am waking up to a new work week. I decided not to go to church this morning. I need time to drift and not rush off someplace. I need a mental health break. I got up around 9:15 AM this morning. I never stay in bed that long, I must be whipped. Carol came home from work and woke me up this morning. So here I sit drinking a cup of tea listening to Freakwater. I woke up this morning thinking about a question someone asked in a livejournal. The person asked folks to list the books that changed their lives. I listed four books 1. the Bible 2. "The Collected Writings of St. John of the Cross" 3. "The Cloud of Unknowing" and 4. "Carthusian Spirituality: The Writings Of Hugh Of Balma And Guigo De Ponte" [The Classics Of Western Spirituality]. This morning the more I thought about the question I have to say that these four books are the books I would keep with me if I was chained at the bottom of the egg pit for the rest of my days. But as I think about books that have influenced me or changed me I have to say that at certain periods of my life certain books effected me intellectually and spiritually. One has to keep in mind that I became a Christian when I turned 18 years old. That means I had not been reading that many books in my youth. I do remember reading the Bible from the age of 13 to 16 years old. But in my early teens I did not read that many books. When I was in the 12th grade in High School is when I started reading books. In those early days of youth I was searching for the meaning of life. I suppose the book that effected me in High School was Jack Kerouac's book "On The Road" and Henry Miller's book "The Tropical of Cancer". These books caused me to start writing a diary which I have continued to do till this moment. The thing that changed me in High School was LSD. I suppose there were other things that shaped my world and life view in High School besides drugs like the Anti-war movement, the Hippie movement, the poetry of Allen Ginsberg, especially his poem "Howl", sex and rock no roll music.

As a new Christian in 1970 I did not read books but only The Book the Bible. I mainly just read the Bible from 1970 till 1975. I did read Christian books but none of them effected me or changed my view of reality. The book that changed my understanding of the Bible was a commentary on the Epistle to the Hebrews by A.W. Pink. In this book Pink quotes the 17th Century English Puritans. So to make a long story short certain books by the Puritans effected me spiritually and intellectually. Here is a list of books by Puritans that changed me at a certain stage of my existence.

1. "The Harmony of The Divine Attributes In The Contrivance And Accomplishment Of Man's Redemption" by William Bates

2. "The Christian In Complete Armour; A Treatise Of the Saints' War against the Devil" by William Gurnall

3. "Looking Unto Jesus: A View Of The Everlasting Gospel; Or, The Soul's Eyeing Of Jesus, As Carrying On The Great Work Of Man's Salvation, From First To Last" by Isacc Ambrose

4. "The Saint's Everlasting Rest" by Richard Baxter

The above is not a complete list of Puritan works that effected me but a few to read to get a taste of Puritan Spirituality. I read the writings of the Puritans for the next 20 years. I also during these years became a Calvinist and read a ton of scholastic Reformed Theology. Over these 20 years I did not change much in my spirituality I was basically a Beat Puritan Bum. It was while being a seminary student at Reformed Theological Seminary that I got into the study of the Bible especially Pauline Theology. In seminary I finally began to see that the Puritans did not have all the Truth. I began to have a appreciation of modern biblical scholarship. Also in seminary I took a class on Christian Spirituality from Dr. Peter Toon that got me back into the writings of St. John of the Cross. I can not think of one book or books that influenced me in seminary. In seminary many things happened that changed me. I will though mention one man biblical theologian that I would recommend for folks to read, that is Dr. Meredith G. Kline. Read his book "Images Of The Spirit" sometime.

After seminary we moved to Houston Texas where I did my pastor internship in a PCA church. I will not go into the gory details of my internship but say it was while in Houston that I got deep into Christian Spirituality and Puritan Spirituality. But also slowly I was getting into the study of the Bible. I begun to see slowly some aspects of classical Reformed theology did not fit into the teachings of the New Testament. It was during this time as an intern in a PCA church that I taught a Adult Sunday School class on Second Corinthians which caused me to question Puritan Covenant Theology. I recommend these books on Second Corinthians.

1. "2 Corinthians" [Tyndale New Testament Commentary] by R.V. G. Tasker

2. "From Triumphalism to Maturity: An Exposition of 2 Corinthians 10-13" by Donald A. Carson

3. "II Corinthians" [The Anchor Bible Commentary] by Victor Paul Furnish

4. "The Second Epistle To The Corinthians" [The New International Commentary on the New Testament] by Paul Barnett

5. "2 Corinthians" [Word Biblical Commentary] by Ralph P. Martin

It was while living in Houston that I read a ton of stuff on Christian Spirituality and started collecting books on the history of Christian Spirituality. I would often spend time at a local Catholic seminary and read books and articles on the history of Christian Spirituality. I recommend these sets of books on the history of Christian Spirituality.

1. "Christian Spirituality 1: Origins To The Twelfth Century" Edited by Bernard McGinn, John Meyendorff, and Jean Leclercq

2. "Christian Spirituality 2: High Middle Ages And Reformation" Edited By Jill Raitt (these two volumes are found in a series titled World Spirituality: An Encyclopedic History Of The Religious Quest)

3. "A History Of Christian Spirituality Three Volumes/ Vol. 1 The Spirituality of the New Testament and the Fathers" by Louis Bouyer

Vol. 2 "The Spirituality of the Middle Ages" by Jean Leclercq, Francois Vanderbroucke and Louis Bouyer and Vo. 3 "Orthodox Spirituality and Protestant and Anglican Spirituality" by Louis Bouyer. I bought this set in seminary along with books by the Beats Kerouac and Burroughs.

4. "The Foundations Of Mysticism: Origins to the Fifth Century" by Bernard McGinn [from a series The Presence Of God: A History of Western Christian Mysticism]

5. "The Growth Of Mysticism: Gregory the Great through the 12th Century" by Bernard McGinn [ The Presence of God: A History of Western Christian Mysticism]

6. "The Flowering Of Mysticism: Men and Women in the New Mysticism-1200-1350" by Bernard McGinn [The Presence of God: A History of Western Christian Mysticism]

7. "Christian Spirituality" by Rev. P. Pourrat three volumes a classic!

I also got into Thomas Merton and Centering Prayer while living in Texas.

After we did my internship I looked for a job and never got a call to work in a church. All the doors slammed into my face and I was left alone in the American Religious world. We packed our bags and moved north to where my wife grew up in Holland Mich.

We came here going on 11 years ago and I was at a lost what to do with myself? I have read many books over the last 11 years but I stopped reading mainly the old writers about four years ago and have read whatever interest me at the moment. I would though mention one old writer or minister that I believed effected me when I was teaching Reformed Theology about eight years ago at the church we go to on Sundays. The book is two volumes titled "Sermons Of The Rev. James Saurin Late Pastor Of The French Church At The Hague" these two volumes were published in 1832. I highly recommend the sermons of Saurin.

The point of this book rap is that certain books effect me or change me as I crawl down the road of existence.

I need to close to rest my sore back and hands.

11:48 a.m. - 2002-01-06
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.


4:53 p.m. - 2009-05-04
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