June 21st, 2007

the Beast terminated me

Maybe the Beast will kick me out of the egg pit?

Last night I wrote in my diary that maybe the Beast will kick me out of the egg pit? Well today around 11 o'clock am the Beast terminated me. So now I am home eating candy, drinking a coke and listening to music. It is a sunny humid day. Carol is outside in the backyard filling up the green container. Beth went somewhere in the dead american world.

On my last day at the egg hell I hauled eggs from 6:45 am till 11 o'clock am. Now I am home recovering from 711 weeks of hauling eggs. It was a good streak of good luck. I am amazed I lasted 711 weeks since the dead american world Beast hates holy men.

I do not know what else to report? I am tired. I read last till 11:30 pm the book "Central Themes in Biblical Theology: Mapping Unity In Diversity" edited by Scott J. Hafemann & Paul R. House.

Besides reading Biblical Theology I have not read much else the last couple of days.

Carol was off last night but I think she goes back to work tonight?

This morning as I worked like a white slave I did write some stuff down on a piece of scrap paper kept in my back pocket-I wrote these words (my last words written while killing my Self at the bottom of the egg pit)---

I articulate the existential despair of the common man

I am the Voice of the common man
I am the Howl of the common man
I am the Scream of the common man

"Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching" 2 Tim. 4:2

"Therefore prepare yourself and arise, And speak to them all that I command you. Do not be dismayed before their faces, Lest I dismay you before them. For behold I have made you this day a fortified city and an iron pillar" Jeremiah 1:17,18a

It is now 12:13 pm. I did a load of wash and now I do not know what I will do to celebrate being kicked out of egg hell by the Antichrist? I keep recalling this verse in The Revelation of Jesus Christ---

"Indeed I will make those of the synagogue of Satan, who say they are Jews and are not, but lie-indeed I will make them come and worship before your feet, and to know that I have loved you.

Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth.

Behold, I am coming quickly! Hold fast what you have, that no one may take your crown" Rev. 3:9-11

It is blessing the Egg Division can not take my crown of eternal life.

Well I will close to see what my lover wife is doing in our backyard. She told me last night to quit the egg pit. Instead the Egg Pit got sick of me preaching the Word and kicked me out. The wicked hate the Word.

music: John Doe "A Year In The Wilderness"

music: Sea And Cake "Everybody"

music: Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paraiso U.F.O. "Crystal Rainbow Pyramid Under The Stars"

  • Current Music
    John Doe "A Year In The Wilderness"

there is no friend like this Friend

JUNE 21.

"This do in remembrance of me." Luke 22:19

To the soul hungering and thirsting for the Lord Jesus in the ordinance, Jesus presents Himself. He draws back the shutter, opens the window, stands within it, and looks forth upon His people, clustering around His table, desiring to remember His love. "Precious Jesus!" is the meditation of a soul thus looking for its Beloved, "I have come to Your ordinance invited by Your love, drawn by Your Spirit; but what is it to my soul without You? Your minister may open this institution with clearness and power, but if You do not manifest Yourself, to break and heal my heart- if I don't catch one glimpse of You, my Lord, it is no ordinance of grace or sweetness to my soul. I want by faith to see You in the baptism of Your sufferings, to feed upon Your flesh, and to drink of Your blood. I want to enjoy communion with You. You know, Lord, the workings of my heart; You know that this is the great desire of my soul, that I might enjoy fellowship with Christ. Oh, that I might have more of Christ, that I might meet with Christ, that I might have some further manifestation of Christ, and that I might have my soul closer knit to Christ. I come with thirsting after Jesus, knowing my infinite need of Him, and His infinite excellency and fulness to meet my case. My soul does famish and perish without Christ; but in the enjoyment of Christ there is a sufficiency for the satisfying of my soul. That which I have had of Christ, sometimes in the word, and sometimes in prayer, has been sweet unto my taste; but I look for closer communion, for a clearer manifestation of Christ here, for this is the great "communion of the body and blood of Jesus." Behold, Lord, I approach these windows of Your house, a poor, unworthy, backsliding child, tried and tempted; yet just as I am, clear Lord, I come. I dare not, I cannot, stay away from You, Divine loadstone of my heart, precious magnet of my soul! Draw me, and then I will run after You; Show Yourself in the window, and, overcome with Your beauty and Your love, I exclaim, "Turn away Your eyes from me, for they have overcome me." Blessed Spirit! I have been taught to believe that You will take of the things of Jesus, and show them unto me. Open the window of this ordinance, and let me behold my soul's Beloved standing within it. I cannot live, I cannot die, without Him. Living or dying I must have Christ. "I am any Beloved's, and His desire is towards me;" and truly my soul's desire is towards Him. There is to my soul no love like Christ's love. There is no voice like Christ's voice. There is no sympathy like Christ's sympathy. There is no friend like this Friend; there is no Christ like my Christ.
The window is open! "The voice of my Beloved! behold, He comes, leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills."  He looks forth at the window; and lively faith and ardent love, sweet contrition and holy joy, possess and overwhelm my soul!

  • Current Music
    John Doe "A Year In The Wilderness"

just get rid of sick-o

Terminated account  #2

It is now going on 2 o'clock pm Thursday afternoon. I thought what I would do for history sake is write a more fuller account of what took place this morning when I was "terminated".

This morning around 11 o'clock am I was standing by the Egg Loader doing my job when the head C.E.O. Bob came up to me and said he wanted to talk to me about my problems with work. I thought how nice that Bob cared about me and wanted me to be happy doing my job.

I said we could talk by the loader so I could make sure the egg processing machine does not get jammed. Bob said No he rather have us talk in Sharon's office (the head manager Sharon Fracalossi) privately. I thought how nice we can sit down in a quiet room and talk about the horrible work conditions of the Egg Division. How we have been since Sharon took over the job of manager of the Egg Division it has been a living nightmare working for the Egg Division.

As Bob and I walked to the office I told him everybody in the egg processing plant had their eyes on us and must think I am some kind of deep trouble since the C.E.O. is going to sit down and help me do my job better.

When we got to Sharon's office I immediately knew I was going to get fired because a big burly South Haven police officer was standing in the room along with another head manager named Medley.

I ordered by the police officer to sit down and to listen to Bob the head C.E.O. list the reasons why I was being terminated. I do not know the reasons why I was kicked out by the Beast? I think it was because what I said yesterday to Sharon Fracalossi and the plant boss about the nature of Reality that I was terminated.

Bob said what I said to Sharon Fracalossi was an act of violence. I was too aggressive and did not set forth my disagreements with the egg pit in a correct manner. Something like that. I basically told the burly cop, the C.E.O. and Medley that I love God and want to do His will. I suppose since I refuse to bow to the Beast it is time to leave. I can no longer work at the Egg Division, because it is become hostile to biblical Christianity.

So I got my lunch pall and shook hands with everyone and said "May the Lord bless".

I think I was in Sharon's office being interrogated for 20 minutes maybe more. I must confess I was a little shaken by the experience of a cop waiting for me to pull out a gun and go ballistic (that is the word Carol used "ballistic"). I told everyone in the room I am a man of peace and do not own a gun. I do not have a knife on me. I am not a mad bomber. I love people and want to serve the Lord Jesus. I have worked 14 years at the Egg Division because I am a lover of God. Bob, Medley and the big police officer looked at me like I was insane. The cop walked up to me and asked me "Are you depressed?" I answered "I have been depressed since the day I was born."

I told the people around me who were wanting to terminate me "I am a melancholy person."

The police officer suggested I seek medical help for my depression. I told him the Lord is my strength. The Lord keeps me going. Why fill myself up with drugs? Why depend on drugs to feel happy when the Lord is suppose to be my source of joy? Bob, Medley and the cop looked at me with boredom. Just get rid of sick-o is what I read in their faces.

I was told my cop to never come back to the Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Division. If I did I would be arrested and thrown in jail. Bob and Medley agreed with the punishment for being an outspoken Christian saint.  The Beast does not want me to pollute her ground with my presence. I assured the police officer I am a lover of God and man. I do not have an arsenal of deadly weapons.

I told the Egg Division secretary to mail me my last pay check since the Beast has forbidden me to come near its den. I also shook her hand and said "May the Lord bless".

I was home from the egg pit this morning by 11:50 am Carol immediately knew the show was over. So now it is 2:32 pm and people at work must be wondering where is Jonny the voice of the common man?

I will close to seek the face of God.

“They will put you out of the synagogues; yes, the time is coming that whoever kills you will think that he offers God service” John 16:2

first day of Summer

It is Thursday night in the flow of existence. I am once again in my main study writing on my lap top because Carol and Beth are watching television. Our main computer is in the same room as the TV. I can not compose with television noise in the background, so here I sit writing to the music of the Acid Mother's Temple drinking a coke.

Carol and I took Rudy for a walk this evening down by Window on the Water Front. Downtown was too packed with human beings to get coffee. Last night we went downtown for coffee and sat outside enjoying the night air. Carol looked through the New York Times and I read Biblical Theology with our coffee.

So here I sit tired but not in the mood to go to bed. I do not to go to the egg pit any longer, which is a blessing. I was wondering this evening if it is the will of God that I got terminated this morning by the Beast? What is the will of God now for me?

I am glad I am old man and not some Spring chicken. Because I am a old man it would be normal for me to stay home and prepare for death.

I have been reading today from these books---

"Sealed with an Oath: Covenant in God's unfolding purpose" by Paul R. Williamson

"Spirituality Old & New: Recovering Authentic Spiritual Life" by Donald G. Bloesch

"Central Themes in Biblical Theology: Mapping Unity In Diversity" Edited by Scott J. Hafemann & Paul R. House

"Biblical Theology: Retrospect & Prospect" editor Scott J. Hafemann

"The Path Of True Godliness" by Willem Tellinck

"Sweet Communion: Trajectories of Spirituality from the Middle Ages through the Further Reformation" by Arie de Reuver

It has been a strange day in my short existence. It is also the first day of Summer. Spring has passed and we are now officially in the season of Summer.

We got an e-mail today from our son Josiah telling us he will be flying into GR on the 4th of July for a three week visit. It will be nice to see Josiah for a couple of weeks.

This afternoon I had a visit from an old Calvinistic Baptist minister. This old fellow stops by once and awhile to talk about books and experimental religion. The old minister told me he had heard from people that the Hamilton Farm Bureau is not like it was in the old days.

Well I am going to close to seek the face of the Lord Jesus Christ.

  • Current Music
    Acid Mothers Temple

from Allen Ginsberg's poem "Howl"

What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open
their skulls and ate up their brains and imagi-
nation?
Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unob
tainable dollars! Children screaming under the
stairways! Boys sobbing in armies! Old men
weeping in the parks!
Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the
loveless! Mental Moloch! Moloch the heavy
judger of men!
Moloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the
crossbone soulless jailhouse and Congress of
sorrows! Moloch whose buildings are judgment!
Moloch the vast stone of war! Moloch the stun-
ned governments!
Moloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose
blood is running money! Moloch whose fingers
are ten armies! Moloch whose breast is a canni-
bal dynamo! Moloch whose ear is a smoking
tomb!
Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows!
Moloch whose skyscrapers stand in the long
streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose fac-
tories dream and croak in the fog! Moloch whose
smokestacks and antennae crown the cities!
Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch
whose soul is electricity and banks! Moloch
whose poverty is the specter of genius! Moloch
whose fate is a cloud of sexless hydrogen!
Moloch whose name is the Mind!
Moloch in whom I sit lonely! Moloch in whom I dream
Angels! Crazy in Moloch! Cocksucker in
Moloch! Lacklove and manless in Moloch!
Moloch who entered my soul early! Moloch in whom
I am a consciousness without a body! Moloch
who frightened me out of my natural ecstasy!
Moloch whom I abandon! Wake up in Moloch!
Light streaming out of the sky!
Moloch! Moloch! Robot apartments! invisible suburbs!
skeleton treasuries! blind capitals! demonic
industries! spectral nations! invincible mad
houses! granite cocks! monstrous bombs!
They broke their backs lifting Moloch to Heaven! Pave-
ments, trees, radios, tons! lifting the city to
Heaven which exists and is everywhere about
us!
Visions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies!
gone down the American river!
Dreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole
boatload of sensitive bullshit!
Breakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions!
gone down the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! De-
spairs! Ten years' animal screams and suicides!
Minds! New loves! Mad generation! down on
the rocks of Time!
Real holy laughter in the river! They saw it all! the
wild eyes! the holy yells! They bade farewell!
They jumped off the roof! to solitude! waving!
carrying flowers! Down to the river! into the
street!

terminated account #3

Terminated account  #2

It is now going on 2 o'clock pm Thursday afternoon. I thought what I would do for history sake is write a more fuller account of what took place this morning when I was "terminated".

This morning around 11 o'clock am I was standing by the Egg Loader doing my job when the head C.E.O. Bob came up to me and said he wanted to talk to me about my problems with work. I thought how nice that Bob cared about me and wanted me to be happy doing my job.

I said we could talk by the loader so I could make sure the egg processing machine does not get jammed. Bob said No he rather have us talk in Sharon's office (the head manager) privately. I thought how nice we can sit down in a quiet room and talk about the horrible work conditions of the Egg Division. How we have been since Sharon took over the job of manager of the Egg Division it has been a living nightmare working for the Egg Division.

As Bob and I walked to the office I told him everybody in the egg processing plant had their eyes on us and must think I am some kind of deep trouble since the C.E.O. is going to sit down and help me do my job better.

When we got to Sharon's office I immediately knew I was going to get fired because a big burly South Haven police officer was standing in the room along with another head manager named Medley.

I ordered by the police officer to sit down and to listen to Bob the head C.E.O. list the reasons why I was being terminated. I do not know the reasons why I was kicked out by the Beast? I think it was because what I said yesterday to Sharon and the plant boss about the nature of Reality that I was terminated.

Bob said what I said to Sharon was an act of violence. I was too aggressive and did not set forth my disagreements with the egg pit in a correct manner. Something like that. I basically told the burly cop, the C.E.O. and Medley that I love God and want to do His will. I suppose since I refuse to bow to the Beast it is time to leave. I can no longer work at the Egg Division, because it is become hostile to biblical Christianity.

So I got my lunch pall and shook hands with everyone and said "May the Lord bless".

I think I was in Sharon's office being interrogated for 20 minutes maybe more. I must confess I was a little shaken by the experience of a cop waiting for me to pull out a gun and go ballistic (that is the word Carol used "ballistic"). I told everyone in the room I am a man of peace and do not own a gun. I do not have a knife on me. I am not a mad bomber. I love people and want to serve the Lord Jesus. I have worked 14 years at the Egg Division because I am a lover of God. Bob, Medley and the big police officer looked at me like I was insane. The cop walked up to me and asked me "Are you depressed?" I answered "I have been depressed since the day I was born."

I told the people around me who were wanting to terminate me "I am a melancholy person."

The police officer suggested I seek medical help for my depression. I told him the Lord is my strength. The Lord keeps me going. Why fill myself up with drugs? Why depend on drugs to feel happy when the Lord is suppose to be my source of joy? Bob, Medley and the cop looked at me with boredom. Just get rid of sick-o is what I read in their faces.

I was told my cop to never come back to the Hamilton Farm Bureau-Egg Division. If I did I would be arrested and thrown in jail. Bob and Medley agreed with the punishment for being an outspoken Christian saint.  The Beast does not want me to pollute her ground with my presence. I assured the police officer I am a lover of God and man. I do not have an arsenal of deadly weapons.

I told the Egg Division secretary to mail me my last pay check since the Beast has forbidden me to come near its den. I also shook her hand and said "May the Lord bless".

I was home from the egg pit this morning by 11:50 am Carol immediately knew the show was over. So now it is 2:32 pm and people at work must be wondering where is Jonny the voice of the common man?

Extra Material

It is June 24th Sunday evening and I thought I would add something to the historical record of how I got terminated last week Thursday the first day of Summer 2007 which was the 21st.

I keep trying to remember what I said that got me terminated? I remember Wednesday at work we were coming to the end of another work shift. We had been doing skids of eggs for over an hour. I had been told by Quai (?) we were shutting down at 5 o'clock pm. So around 4:55 pm I start taking back the skids back into the cooler. I was sick and exhausted and was looking forward to going home finally. I should have called in sick all week, but didn't because we were short on man power. Well Quai comes into the cooler and commands me to keep working past 5 o'clock pm. Well I exploded and yell twice "Fuck You!" "I am calling in sick tomorrow". When I came out of the cooler Quai commanded me to go with him to Sharon's office with my complains. At first I thought he was kidding but I decided to tell her since I was sick of being mistreated. She had been working us to the state of exhaustion for months. I was tired of her management style.

We got into her office around 5:05 pm and I told her how upset I was about the long hours. I told her the same things I had told her twice before. I felt I could tell her how upset I was because she had told me several times to feel free to unload my frustrations to her anytime and not to refrain.

Now I think what got me terminated were these remarks. I told her that I think she was hired to be managered because Bob the head C.E.O. knew she would be ruthless and work us to death. That she would do anything to make money for the egg pit, even work us to the breaking point.

I said the reason why Bob fired Doug was that he wanted someone who would run the Egg Division the way he wanted it run. Bob hired Sharon because she would follow orders. Doug and Bernie had ran the egg division for so many years and now it was time for a change. So Bob got rid of Doug and Bernie took an early retirement. Bob got Sharon to run the egg pit because she would follow his orders and not do it her way.

The point is I think I was terminated because of my remarks about Bob the C.E.O.. I think it was all personal and not based on anything I did or said.
I was only in Sharon's office from 5 o'clock till 5:25 pm. Most of the time I listened to Sharon list all the reasons why we had to work such long hours. I reminded her again she had told me several times she would hire High School kids to replace me a couple times a week. She told me that this summer I could work 31 hours if I wanted. To me she went back on her word. Why should I think she really cared about me or anyone else working for the egg division?

I told her I understood her position, but did not agree with it. I told them I would work, but not stop ranting and raving. I also told Quai that I did not think he cared about me or anyone else. All he cared about was following orders or as he often told me "getting the orders out".

As a Christian we must be truthful no matter the cost. I do not believe I said anything untrue to my understanding. I acknowledge I have my views and do not consider them perfect. I work with a limited amount of information. I am also not a businessman. I do not know the inner workings of the egg business. I do not take seriously the dead american world. To be it is all absurd in the end.

I do not remember yelling at Sharon. But I do know people find me threatening. I did tell Sharon that I think she likes being a manager because she likes the feelings of power. Now was that a bad thing to say to her? Well it was just my observation and was not to be taken to be a gospel truth. Did my remarks offend her? Maybe? But was it morally wrong for me to share my thoughts with her about her lust for power and attention? I do not know? Right now it is all water over the bridge. What has been done has been done. Now it is time to go on to the next stage on the journey of spiritual development.

I was seriously planning on retiring the end of the year. I would have like to have left the egg pit on my own terms. I do not like to think that the Beast got his way, but in the end the saints will rule the new heavens and new earth with the Lord Jesus.

I do think the C.E.O. should have given me a warning before terminating me. But all the folks he as terminated lately at the egg division he has just thrown them out without redress.

Well I do not know what else to add to the historical record so I will close. I do think I could have displayed more self-control last week, but I had been sick and was exhausted and lost it. I tried to explain that to those who terminated me, but they wanted to get rid of me. They wanted to silence the preaching of the Truth. They were sick of hearing me howl and moan from exhaustion.

music: Allen Ginsberg reading his poem “Howl”

From the poem “Howl” by Allen Ginsberg

      II

       What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open
              their skulls and ate up their brains and imagi-
              nation?
       Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unob
              tainable dollars! Children screaming under the
              stairways! Boys sobbing in armies! Old men
              weeping in the parks!
       Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the
              loveless! Mental Moloch! Moloch the heavy
              judger of men!
       Moloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the
              crossbone soulless jailhouse and Congress of
              sorrows! Moloch whose buildings are judgment!
              Moloch the vast stone of war! Moloch the stun-
              ned governments!
       Moloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose
              blood is running money! Moloch whose fingers
              are ten armies! Moloch whose breast is a canni-
              bal dynamo! Moloch whose ear is a smoking
              tomb!
       Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows!
              Moloch whose skyscrapers stand in the long
              streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose fac-
              tories dream and croak in the fog! Moloch whose
              smokestacks and antennae crown the cities!
       Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch
              whose soul is electricity and banks! Moloch
              whose poverty is the specter of genius! Moloch
              whose fate is a cloud of sexless hydrogen!
              Moloch whose name is the Mind!
       Moloch in whom I sit lonely! Moloch in whom I dream
              Angels! Crazy in Moloch! Cocksucker in
              Moloch! Lacklove and manless in Moloch!
       Moloch who entered my soul early! Moloch in whom
              I am a consciousness without a body! Moloch
              who frightened me out of my natural ecstasy!
              Moloch whom I abandon! Wake up in Moloch!
              Light streaming out of the sky!
       Moloch! Moloch! Robot apartments! invisible suburbs!
              skeleton treasuries! blind capitals! demonic
              industries! spectral nations! invincible mad
              houses! granite cocks! monstrous bombs!
       They broke their backs lifting Moloch to Heaven! Pave-
              ments, trees, radios, tons! lifting the city to
              Heaven which exists and is everywhere about
              us!
       Visions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies!
              gone down the American river!
       Dreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole
              boatload of sensitive bullshit!
       Breakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions!
              gone down the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! De-
              spairs! Ten years' animal screams and suicides!
              Minds! New loves! Mad generation! down on
              the rocks of Time!
       Real holy laughter in the river! They saw it all! the
              wild eyes! the holy yells! They bade farewell!
              They jumped off the roof! to solitude! waving!
              carrying flowers! Down to the river! into the
              street!