boiling love aspires to union with the Beloved

It is 2 o'clock PM Monday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is 83 degrees today and we turned on the central air system to keep the house cool.

I just got home from our library used books store The Book Nook where I volunteer Monday's and Friday's from 10 AM till 1 PM. Today the Book Nook was hardly busy so I sat and read from a book I brought with me titled, 'Carthusian Spirituality-The Writings Of Hugh Of Balma And Guigo De Ponte' [The Classics of Western Spirituality]. I bought some used books at the Book Nook today-

'In Other Rooms, Other Wonders' Short Stories by Daniyal Mueenuddin

'Imagining Argentina' A Novel by Lawrence Thornton

'Reminiscences of the Cuban Revolutionary War' Memoir by Ernesto Che Guevara

'Nose Dive: A Field Guide to the World's Smells' By Harold McGee

When I got home from the Book Nook I found Carol not here, she is at a funeral this afternoon.

I got up this morning around 7:30 AM. When I got up I found my wife reading her Bible. I made a fresh pot of coffee and had breakfast. After breakfast I took my meds and wrote in my paper diary. Carol and I prayed and then she left to have a brunch with some of her cousins on her Dad's side of the family.

So this day goes by according to the will of my heavenly Father. I am not sure what I will do next. I could take a nap or sit and pray.

Last night Carol and I prayed and she went to bed early. I went down into the lower level and read from these two books before going to bed-

'My Golden Trades' Stories By Ivan Klima Translated From The Czech By Paul Wilson

'The Illustrious House of Ramires' A Novel by Eca De Queiros Translation By Margaret Jull Costa

Well, I will close to seek the Lord.

neighborhood walk
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful

I have fought the good fight 2 Tim. 4:7

It is 1:34 PM Sunday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is a warm sunny day. It is right now 81 degrees outside and inside it is 80 degrees. For some odd reason I had Carol turn off the central air system because I feel better inside being hot right now. Weird.

I got up late this morning, I got up around 8:10 AM. I woke up because Carol was standing over me checking to see if I was alright. I have been sleeping down in the lower level lately because the bed is more comfortable and it is not hot. So I got up and came upstairs to have breakfast and take my meds. Carol had left to take a morning walk. So I ate and took my pills. When Carol got back from her walk I was writing in my paper diary and reading from my Reformation Commentary on John 13-21 on Chapter 15 of The Gospel of John.

Before Carol left for church we prayed and then Carol left. I continued to read my commentary on John 15 and write in my paper diary. Carol got home from church around 11:45 AM. When she got home I was reading from The Gospel of Mark.

After lunch Carol went to bed to take a nap and I have been wondering what to read this afternoon. This morning I did leave the house around 10:50 AM to drive up to our local Goodwill to buy a used book I saw yesterday that I thought I had titled, 'Matterhorn' A Novel Of The Vietnam War By Karl Marlantes. The historical novel 'Mattherhorn' was still there so I bought it ($1.58) and then drove home.

Last night after Carol and I prayed I went down into the lower level and put away the used books that I had shown in my last Youtube video and then read till 11 o'clock PM from the novel, 'The Illustrious House Of Ramires' By Eca De Queiros. I also read yesterday evening, 'My Crazy Century: A Memoir' By Ivan Klima.

Well, I suppose I will close to decide what to read this afternoon. Next Sunday it will be August 1, 2021.

neighborhood walk
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    hopeful hopeful

Used Books Haul



'Arthur's Britain: History and Archaeology AD 367-634' By Leslie Alcock

'The Idea Of Poverty England In The Early Industrial Age' By Gertrude Himmelfarb

'San Marco Guide to the museum' Enrica Crispino Pescio 100 Color Illustrations

'The Light of Day' A Novel By Graham Swift

'Every Man Dies Alone' A Novel by Hans Fallada Translated by Michael Hofman (I bought this novel at Gateway Center and realized I had recently had donated it. So here I was buying a novel I once had but donated to Gateway but buying it again!)

'Gulliver's Travels' By Jonathan Swift (I had this novel already but this is a Penguin Classic paperback edition)

'Marie Antoinette: The Journey' biography by Antonia Fraser

'Wormholes' Essays And Occasional Writings By John Fowles

'John Fowles: A Life In Two Worlds' biography by Eileen Warburton

'Mozart: A Life' By Maynard Solomon

'A Hundred Years of English Literature' by Sherard Vines

'Red Victory: A History of the Russian Civil War' By W. Bruce Lincoln

'2666' A Novel By Roberto Bolano Translated From The Spanish By Natasha Wimmer

'Dunster' A Novel By John Mortimer

'Chronicle of the Murdered House' A Novel By Lucio Cardoso Translated from the Portuguese by Margaret Jull Costa & Robin Patterson

'Cezanne Portraits' John Elderfield National Portrait Gallery, London

'Painted Prayers: The Book Of Hours In Medieval And Renaissance Art' Roger S. Wieck

"Dominus IIuminatio Mea" Commentary On The Davidic Psalms' Volume II Psalms 26-50 By Denis The Carthusian Translation & Introduction by Andrew M. Greenwell

'Billiards At Half Past Nine' A Novel By Heinrich Boll Translated from the German by Leila Vennewitz (I collect the writings of Heinrich Boll.)

'Carrying The Heart: Exploring The Worlds Within Us' Medical History by F. Gonzalez-Crussiv

'Victor Hugo: A Biography' By Graham Robb

'Sketches By Boz: Illustrative Of Every-Day Life And Every-Day People' By Charles Dickens

'Willem de Kooning Paintings' Essays By David Sylvester & Richard Shiff

'American Heiress: The Wild Saga Of The Kidnapping, Crimes And Trial Of Patty Hearst' Nonfiction By Jeffrey Toobin

'The Complete Oscar Wilde'

'Henry Clay: America's Greatest Statesman' biography by Harlow Giles Unger

'Disobeying Hitler: German Resistance After Valkyrie' By Randall Hansen
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful

called from the slavery of the law to gospel freedom

It is 12:19 PM Saturday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is another hot humid hazy day. It is 80 degrees outside and humid. We have our central air system blasting away. One thing about having the central air on is that is makes the lower level of the house very cold! I like being down in the lower level among my library, but it is cold! I do keep the shades up to let in the sunlight (we have an open basement that opens to our backyard).

Also today I woke up feeling cold inside and weak. I must have some kind virus making me feel ill today. This morning I was up around 6:30 AM but went down into the lower level and slept a couple hours this morning. I got up around Noon to have lunch and write in my paper diary. So the day goes by.

All I have attempted to read today is the Reformation commentary on John 13-21/still in chapter 15. So this day goes by. I should go pick up a prescription, but feel too out of it to go anywhere this afternoon.

Last night Carol went to bed around 10 o'clock PM and I stayed up and read. I read mainly from these two books last night-

'My Crazy Century: A Memoir' By Ivan Klima

'The Illustrious House Of Ramires' A Novel by Eca De Queiros

Do not know what I will read this afternoon. Carol went to put up her feet up. I suppose I will close to wait to feel better.

I need to take a walk today. I took a walk last night around 7:30 PM. It was still sunny outside. This morning Carol took a walk around 6:50 AM. I was still waking up so I did not go with her on her morning walk.

neighborhood walk
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful

bread of Heaven

It is 2:56 PM Friday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is a hot humid day! It is 81 degrees and extremely humid. I am thankful for a central air system to keep our home cool. It is 74 degrees inside the house presently.

It was a blessing to come to a cool house having do my shift at the library used books store The Book Nook from 10 AM till 1 PM. Carol replaced me at the Book Nook around 1:06 PM. She should be home anytime from the library.

My shift at the Book Nook was normal, not busy but not slow either. I did not buy any used books today at the Book Nook. At the Book Nook I helped people with their purchases and read The Gospel of Mark from my old Pocket New Testament.

I got up this morning around 7:35 AM. I came upstairs to find Carol getting ready for a new day. I ate breakfast, took my meds, and wrote in my paper diary. Carol and I had devotions and prayed. Carol left around 8:55 AM to help fold church bulletins. I left for the Book Nook around 9:35 AM.

Since getting home from the Book Nook I have been writing in my paper diary and reading from a book titled, 'The Life Of Jesus Christ' Part One Volume 2, Chapters 41-92 By Ludolph Of Saxony Translated By Milton T. Walsh.

I do not remember much about last night. Carol and I prayed and she went to bed around 9:30 PM. I went down into the lower level and read from my books. I went to bed around 11 o'clock PM. The Lord gave me a good night's sleep. I think the last book I attempted to read last night was from a book titled, 'Trouble Of Mind and the Disease of Melancholy' By Timothy Rogers (1658-1728). I also read before going to bed Psalm 119.

Well the afternoon goes by. I suppose I will close to seek the Lord, read the Bible, write in my paper diary. I might do a Friday Reads video for my Youtube channel this evening.

neighborhood morning walk
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    hopeful hopeful

a fear of being abandoned

It is 2:08 PM Thursday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is a hazy warm day. We have hovering over the United States the smoke of the forest fires burning out West.

I was down in the lower level just sitting feeling sleepy and wondering if I should take some Xanax, when I decided to come here and write in my online diaries before the day gets away from me. Carol should be returning soon from doing errands.

I got up this morning around 7 o'clock AM. I slept upstairs last night because I was getting lonely sleeping down in the lower level alone. I realized last night that I sleep better alone down in the lower level. The bed down in the lower level is more comfortable than our bed. The bed down in the lower level is our older queen size bed and the bed upstairs is a newer queen size bed. Anyway I think I sleep down in the lower level tonight or maybe take a nap this afternoon.

So I got up this morning ate breakfast and took my pills. I next wrote in my paper diary and then we went to Bluestockings Book Shop to unhaul some used books for in-store credit. We had Josie with us this morning. Next door to Bluestockings is a Bakery and we treated Josie to a doughnut. We then came home. When we got home it was around 11 o'clock AM. I have been writing in my paper diary and looking at my books today. I can not really recall right now reading anything that stands out in my mind today. At Bluestockings I did buy two books with our in-store credit-

'Arthur's Britain: History and Archaeology AD 367-634' By Leslie Alcock

'The Idea Of Poverty England In The Early Industrial Age' By Gertrude Himmelfarb

Right now there is a a lot of noise because across the street from us they are putting in a new cement driveway.

I just remembered Carol and I did take a walk this morning around our neighborhood. When we got back from our walk we prayed and then Josie came over.

It has been a simple day thus far. Not much else to report. Last night I read my Reformation Commentary on John 13-21/Chapter 15 and some more of the novel, 'The Illustrious House Of Ramires' By Eca De Queiros Translated from the Portuguese, with an afterword by Margaret Jull Costa.

Carol morning walk

morning walk

morning walk

neighborhood morning walk
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    hopeful hopeful

The Power of Positive Thinking

It is 2:02 PM Wednesday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is a nice cloudy not warm day. Nice weather for working outside. I just got inside the house after doing some yard work with Carol. Now Carol is out back watering our plant kingdom.

I got up this morning around 7 o'clock AM. I got up went upstairs to find Carol reading her Bible. I ate some food and took my pills. Next Carol and I got dressed and took a walk before going to my 9:15 AM appointment with my Behavioral Health Specialist named Brianna.

I won't go into detail about our session with Brianna because to be honest I talked and at the end of an hour she made some suggestions, which I have been seeking to do since my crack-up 25 days ago like being thankful, thinking positive thoughts instead of negative thoughts etc. . . Brianna also gave us a list of folks to contact if I wanted a in-depth therapy/counseling. So the next step is for me to find a therapist here in this area where we live and keep taking my meds.

After our appointment we headed home, but Carol and I stopped at thrift stores before arriving home and of course I found some used books. I told Carol I was only going to get used books from the local library used books store The Book Nook and not visit all the time thrift stores. I do not want to start accumulating used books again. I need to get rid of books Not get more! It absolutely amazing that I am always finding excellent used books just around where we live for nothing/cheap old used books. It is all insane!

'San Marco Guide to the museum' Enrica Crispino Pescio 100 Color Illustrations

'The Light of Day' A Novel By Graham Swift

'Every Man Dies Alone' A Novel by Hans Fallada Translated by Michael Hofman (I bought this novel at Gateway Center and realized I had recently had donated it. So here I was buying a novel I once had but donated to Gateway but buying it again!)

'Gulliver's Travels' By Jonathan Swift (I had this novel already but this is a Penguin Classic paperback edition)

'Marie Antoinette: The Journey' biography by Antonia Fraser

'Wormholes' Essays And Occasional Writings By John Fowles

'John Fowles: A Life In Two Worlds' biography by Eileen Warburton

'Mozart: A Life' By Maynard Solomon

'A Hundred Years of English Literature' by Sherard Vines

'Red Victory: A History of the Russian Civil War' By W. Bruce Lincoln

'2666' A Novel By Roberto Bolano Translated From The Spanish By Natasha Wimmer

'Dunster' A Novel By John Mortimer

I should mention this morning on Carol and I's morning walk I found a novel in a local Little Local Library titled, 'Chronicle of the Murdered House' A Novel By Lucio Cardoso Translated from the Portuguese by Margaret Jull Costa & Robin Patterson.

Carol and I got home I ate lunch and wrote in my diary. Next I catalogued my used books I bought this morning into my LibraryThing site Bookmountain. I then went outside and helped Carol do yard work.

Not much else to report. I did read this morning some of The Gospel of Mark. I am going to close to rest and take some Xanax.

neighborhood cat Moses
neighborhood cat
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    hopeful hopeful

the heavens and the earth are filled with his glory

It is 1:28 PM Tuesday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is a bright humid sunny day. I am thankful for sunny days. How will I feel when those dark cold snowy days of Winter come? I am praying by Winter I am feeling good inside. I like by Winter to wake up feeling good to be a live and walking with the Lord with a smile on my soul. I have always told folks that I did not believe in happiness. Maybe I have been wrong all these years concerning happiness. Maybe I can really be a happy man soon? It would be a blessing to be joyful Christian. A Christian filled with the joy of the Lord. My goal is to reach that state of spiritual joy now. I am already for God to fill me with His overflowing joy.

This morning Carol and Josie went to a brunch hosted by one of Carol's friends. When they left this morning I mowed the lawn back and front. I also watered the plants in the backyard. Here in Michigan everything is dry. We need rain!

I got up this morning around 8 o'clock AM. I wake up these days praying when I wake up I feel capable of going through the day without feeling anxiety or depression. When I got up this morning I immediately took my meds and then had a light breakfast. Over the last three weeks I have lost ten pounds. These days food does not appeal to me.

This afternoon I have been reading The Gospel of Matthew. I am not in the mood to read anything else right now. I did try reading the last chapter in a book titled, 'God In Himself: Scripture, Metaphysics, and the Task of Christian Theology' By Steven J. Duby. But what I was reading was way over my head! Did not grasp a thing Duby was writing about, so I put the book away for another time.

I did read last night some more of the novel, 'The Illustrious House of Ramires' by Eca De Queiros. I also read from the Gospel of John last night Chapter 14.

I suppose I will close to read the Bible and write in my paper diary.

I did take a walk this morning after I took my pills. I like walking around our neighborhood because of all the trees and flowers.

neighborhood walk
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    hopeful hopeful

The Book Of Hours

It 6:29 PM Monday evening here in West Michigan. I just got up from a nap down in the lower level. I find the best time for me in this state of anxiety and depression is being asleep. It is like you want to just sleep or shut everything out. I am finding it a struggle to keep awake insane thoughts and memories. Lately things come to my mind that are insane or memories long forgotten. Weird. It is like I am under what some Christians would describe as demonic attacks. But would the Lord allow such demonic attacks to happen to me in my frail mental state? What is God's purpose in all this is what I am seeking to discover. What is God seeking to teach me in this horrible battle with anxiety and depression? Before I had this break down in was just living a quiet Christian life/reading my Bible/praying/seeking to live a simple godly life. What went wrong?

Anyway I got up this morning feeling bad so I immediately took my pills Paroxetine and Xanax. I decided not to give into my black state but to go about normal things so I took a hot shower and then took a morning walk. I left to volunteer at our local library books store The Book Nook around 9:35 AM and had a normal shrift. The store was not busy so I read from my pocket New Testament The Gospel of Mark. I bought a couple of Art Books at the Book Nook-

'Cezanne Portraits' John Elderfield National Portrait Gallery, London

'Painted Prayers: The Book Of Hours In Medieval And Renaissance Art' Roger S. Wieck

When I got home I found Carol sitting in the dining room. She had prepared a meal to take a family in her church that just had a baby. I ate lunch and took some Xanax around 3 o'clock PM. I then decided to go down in the lower level turn on classical music real low and doze instead of struggling with insane thoughts.

Now it is 6:45 PM in the evening. Carol is in her room/book room messing around. I should read something. The book I attempted to read besides The Gospel of Mark was from a book titled, 'Hidden & Revealed: The Doctrine of God in the Reformed & Eastern Orthodox Traditions' By Dmytro Bintsarovskyi. Lately it is hard to find the right books to read in this present state of mental illness. I just remembered in I did get in the mail today a new book, "Dominus IIuminatio Mea" Commentary On The Davidic Psalms' Volume II Psalms 26-50 By Denis The Carthusian Translation & Introduction by Andrew M. Greenwell.

So not much else to report. I did cancel my dentist appointment due to being ill. I suppose I will close to read my Reformation Commentary on the Gospel of John 13-21 this evening. Carol and I will have our evening prayer time. So many people need our prayers.

neighborhood walk
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    hopeful hopeful

the Holy Spirit reveals Christ

It is 3:03 PM Sunday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is 82 degrees and sunny. Carol and I just got back from Pilgrim's Cemetery to tend to Carol's parent's graves. Carol wanted to water the plants and cut off any dead flowers on her parent's funeral baskets. Carol also did the same for one of her Uncle's and Aunt's. I helped fill up a water container and watered the funeral baskets several times. Everything is so dry! There is no rain in sight till maybe this coming Saturday.

Carol was at church from 9 o'clock AM till almost 1 o'clock PM today. After the Morning Church Service the Minister gave a report on what had taken place at the recent PCA General Assembly.

I spent the morning and into the afternoon reading my Reformation Commentary on John 13-21 on Chapter 14. I also wrote in my paper diary and dozed. It has been a lazy quiet Sunday for us. I am not sure what I will do the rest of the day. I took a some Xanax when we got home from the cemetery. I could go down in the lower level and just lay in the cool darkness. I really do not feel like reading any of my books presently.

Carol goes back to church tonight. Tomorrow is a Monday. I once again volunteer Monday at the local library used books store The Book Nook from 10 AM till 1 PM.

I did film a video this morning for my Youtube channel. I am trying to stay positive these days. I am praying for the Lord to bless the pills I have been taking for my depression and anxiety.

I suppose I will close to lay down.
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful